I’m a young adult in my 30s and I just feel like I can’t say anything without my parents criticizing me for being spoilt and behaving like a baby because I want certain food choices.Its like everything I do and every choice that I want to make gets shot down because its stupid…I feel like I’m always wrong and others are always right no matter what I do. I feel like I] have to keep on complying with my parents wishes and wants instead of them accepting the way I am and that includes my choices. It’s a constant cycle every time we discuss about meal times it always ends up with me having to comply with their last minute mediocre decisions when they’ve agreed to something in the first place.They would always harp on my tone of voice and body language and say stuff like I’m being rude and disrespectful. And they’ll make it sound like its all my fault and say that they didn’t do X in the first place. They would blame it on me being spoilt and behaving like a baby instead of understanding me.
What do I do in this case and how do I tell them nicely that I wish to have some other option instead?
Hi @Andrew1. I know how frustrated it is when you feel your choices are not respected, especially when it comes to something as personal as food preferences. Consider having an open and honest conversation with your parents about your feelings and desires, in a calm situation. Share that you value their input but would appreciate some flexibility in making choices that align with your preferences. Emphasize the desire for mutual understanding and collaboration in decision-making. This approach might help foster a more constructive and open dialogue about your needs and preferences. All the best,
Thank you for sharing about your struggles with your parents criticism and wanting to find a way to overcome this. I wanna commend you for your self-awareness and that it must’ve been difficult to remain in that distressing cycle where they undermine you…
Although there seems to be a difference of opinion between you and your parents, it sounds like you wanna express it in a more helpful manner. I get it, you’re also an adult capable of making informed decisions so I wonder if it would be helpful to have an open discussion where everyone’s not in a rush and in a calm setting. This will enable your to be heard by sharing your thoughts with I statements: “I think/feel … because… and I would prefer that (what you would like done instead)”. This way, you can get your concerns across and in a manner that your parents can listen and hopefully see from your point-of-view.
And perhaps, that can clear the way for y’all to meet halfway to create a win-win situation. Most importantly everyone should feel comfortable with the outcome by brainstorm ideas on options/alternatives for mutual gain that doesn’t disadvantage anyone. Of course, this is probably not a one-off conversation but likely to be continuous so tap on your coping abilities to try to tolerate the frustration. You can also try out these practices to see if it helps you too:
• Being mindful
• Being kind to yourself
I hear you talking about certain food choices but I wonder if there’s more than just that. Does this happen for other matters too? If so, what patterns do you notice about the differences in opinion? Does this happen to you in other situations or with other people?
As for your parents, I wonder in their actions towards you - is it kinda like a way of looking out for you - although you’re at an age where you’re capable of doing so yourself. And I suppose this frustrates you as you’re kinda denied the autonomy and choice. If wonder if your parents were exercising their need in terms of their social relationship (e.g., wanting you to abide by their wishes, harping on your negative reactions, etc.) with you, while you were exercising your need for independence and identity (e.g., as much as you’re their child, you’re also an adult). This would require some navigating and delicate balancing on what sort of behaviours would be helpful towards one another while honouring the updated roles each of you need to be playing as parent and child.
Let me know what you think and hope to hear from you! Until then, take care!
Thanks very much for your input. I greatly appreciate it a lot. I can safely say that this often happens to me in other situations as well as with other where I am forced to comply with decisions without even being asked for input being denied autonomy and choice, this has been going on since my days in school as well. I was often told that I can’t be my own self or have my own decisions because I would always be a loser and stupid. My sense and self-identity and confidence had been badly affected since then.
Whatever opinions that have been passed about me and all these things happening at the same time makes me feel like no matter what my choices are and how I feel about certain things it always ends up with me being blamed and labeled as the spoilt one, the anxious one and the one who still keeps behaving like a child when all I want is for people to see things from my perspective and if they’re still not happy with it its fine by me. I often feel like because of these situations mentioned thus far people are tired of me wanting to be autonomous and independent
Thanks for the advice though. I will keep that in mind and I hope that you would keep hearing me out and giving such advice as this
