Parents issue

[Kailyn]

I have been staying outside renting house for the past 3 years. Before moving out. I dont have personal space. I only have a table and a wardrobe called mine. I have multiple arguments with my parents. They always feel i dont think enough before making decisions. If the house is in a mess its always me. When im not the one. Im require to listen. No talking back.

I move back until recently my brother got into a fatal accident. My parents requested me to move back. My dad agreed to move to another room which is my mother sleeping in. ( its a 3rm flat)
He asked me to buy new bed and new wardrobe.
I tot everything would be better after my brother passing on. But im wrong, they didnt change.
I brought the bed. No space was made for me. They refuse to clear their stuff to give me a bed space. My dad turn around and said he is not moving to another room. My dad said im dumb for buying such a lousy bed. My dad said my things are taking up space in the room. My mother alarm rings at 4am till 5am. She on the lights in the room till 7am. My mother still takes money from my wallet without asking.
They refuse to help to throw stuff. They expected my friends to come over and help. And blame me for not asking them over to help me. When i clear the old stuff. They asked me where are those things. They blame me for throwing it away when they didnt want to do it. My house doesnt have space. They are hoggers. My living room is almost full that i dont have a space to put my chair.
My storeroom is full of things they think that it can be use when the things are sitting there for donkey years. My kitchen is full of things. Both rooms are full of things as well.
I am thinking why they pull me back to hell. This is not a home. I have been living outside with my friends renting room happily. I have my own space. I have enough rest. I wish the one who died was me, not my brother

[user1138]

Since u had no problems renting for 3 years then i think its best to rent again. Some ppl wont change n i dont unds the logic of ur parents either

[FuYuan_Affections]

Hi @Kailyn,

First of all, I want to thank you for your courage in sharing your feelings here. I can feel the weight of what you’ve been going through, and it sounds like you’ve been living in a space where your needs and your voice have been invisible, overshadowed by the constant demands of others. You’ve carried this for so long, and it must feel like an immense burden, as though you’re not truly seen or valued for who you are and what you need.

It seems like, for a long time, your physical space, emotional needs, and personal boundaries have been disregarded, and you’ve been forced to adjust and accommodate others’ demands without the room to assert your own. The environment you’ve described is one where you don’t feel like you can be your authentic self. The lack of respect, the invasion of your personal space, and the constant dismissal of your voice must have led to this feeling of emotional exhaustion, isolation, and anger. These are not just “small issues” to brush aside—they are significant, deeply painful feelings that you’re allowed to have.

I can hear that you’re seeking relief from this ongoing situation and a sense of safety that’s just been out of reach. The physical space you’re in is making it so hard for you to truly feel at peace. You’ve had to navigate a home environment where your needs were not acknowledged, and your boundaries were crossed in a way that created constant tension. Your situation seems to have pushed you into survival mode, where you’ve had to take on the role of accommodating and doing things for others, even when it’s costing you your sense of self. You’ve had to keep giving when you were never asked what you needed. It’s draining, and I hear you when you say you just want relief from this cycle.

What I’m hearing is that you’re being oppressed and feeling invisible, like your needs are overlooked and your boundaries aren’t being respected. It’s as though you’re living in a space where you’re not allowed to exist as yourself. That feeling can be incredibly isolating and frustrating, and I want to honor the pain you’re feeling in this moment.

Let’s hold space for you in this moment:

What do you see as the most important thing for your self-protection and preservation? What do you feel you need most to regain your sense of safety, even if it feels small right now? I wonder, have you thought about how you can begin to create boundaries, even small ones, for your emotional well-being? It’s important to reflect on what’s within your control, and even if it feels like it’s just a little bit, it can start the process of reclaiming your space.

Do you feel like you need more emotional space or physical space, or perhaps both? Have you been able to identify moments where you can carve out time for yourself, even in small ways?

I want to acknowledge the strengths I see in you:

The fact that you’re able to articulate these feelings and share them shows incredible self-awareness and resilience. Even in the midst of everything, you are still standing, still pushing forward, and that strength is something to be proud of. You’ve made it this far, and that’s no small feat. While it may not feel like it right now, this self-awareness is the key to reclaiming your voice and your space. That’s the first step toward healing.

Your next steps for safety and protection:

1. Create small, manageable boundaries: It may feel difficult to take a stand when the environment around you is constantly demanding from you. But even setting small boundaries—whether it’s asking for quiet time, creating a designated area just for you, or finding ways to express your needs with your family—can be a powerful act of self-preservation. Can you think of one small way to begin asserting a boundary that will give you space to breathe?
2. Leverage your strength for self-care: Even when it feels like you don’t have room, finding ways to nurture yourself is so important. Whether it’s through journaling, connecting with a friend who supports you, or engaging in an activity that helps you decompress, these moments of care can serve as a reminder that your needs matter.
3. Ask for help from outside resources: Is there anyone outside your family—perhaps a counselor or a trusted friend—who you can turn to for emotional support during this time? Sometimes, having a professional to talk to can give you the clarity and emotional support needed to take your next steps.
4. Reflect on how you want to be treated: I would like to gently ask you to reflect on how you want to be treated moving forward. What kind of respect, love, and care do you think you deserve? Sometimes, naming these things can help us realize what is non-negotiable for our well-being.

Remember, you are worthy of care, respect, and dignity. Your feelings are valid, and this situation doesn’t define who you are. You are allowed to have needs, to set boundaries, and to demand respect in your space.

We are here to support you through this process, step by step, and together, we’ll navigate this path toward regaining empowerment through your sense of self-worth, finding your voice, and creating the space you deserve to feel seen, heard, and valued.

Hope to hear from you soon.

[duckling]

Mann I hear you, it’s really very very hard to continue living harmoniously with our parents cos we grow up to have our preferences and lifestyle habits… it’s perfectly normal to have such conflicts >< it does sound like you are very aware of all the issues you feel affected about moving back home. And it also sounds like your parents are probably dealing with their own issues too… they probably won’t be able to process your opinions so easily, would you consider continuing to try speaking your truth towards them gently and with kindness, hopefully they will hear you at some point. Then in the meantime, I would try to put in some boundaries no matter what while I’m there, best as I can. Can you think of any ways that might work for you?

[Fenrispro]

Sigh yes unfortunately hoarders dun change. I know coz my old man is one, nth get thrown. Was gd u managed to stay at rentals , i applied but cant get. Sometimes i try to throw some old stuff too

Sorry abt ur bro.