Im from malaysia, Im living in the poor family, Im the eldest daughter, and I have 2 little sister, my parent are chinese. My dad are not the typical dad and he are not the best dad. Over a year, my dad started argue with my mom, my mom are the one who love gambling, and she is the only one who go to work. You may ask why my dad dont go to work, cuz my dad easily get mad so thats why my mom decide to work. My dad getting tired of me, he started yell at me and don’t let me lock the door, set alarm if I don’t close it immediately you will heard the loud knocking like almost going to break your door. He always tell me that I’m the weakest, im the useless, dont even help family to earn more money. About academic he dont even care, all he said is im still stupid cuz my math doesnt get higher since im asian. He said my sisters art result better than my math results. Sound ridiculous right? He hit me sometimes like I have bad attitude to him, but he will treat me well after he hit me. He always trying to say something like I have to grateful to him or else I die if Im in other family. Today, he said that he dont want me as his daughter anymore cuz I’m useless. To be honest, I wish I die now, so my dad wont see me anymore and get mad at me. I hope I can disappear.
First of all, I want to commend you for your courage in sharing your feelings and thoughts on this platform. It takes a lot of bravery to be vulnerable, and I thank you for that. I also want to affirm you of your feelings; I can imagine how painful it is to hear and experience such encounters with your father.
With that, I’m truly sorry that your relationship with your family has been challenging and it has caused you to wonder about your worth, and I want you to know that I’m here to listen and support you. It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of emotional pain, hurt, and confusion. I want to affirm you that these feelings are completely natural, I would feel the same too if I were in your shoes.
At this point, I understand that you feel like disappearing because of the pain you’re feeling, but I would like to offer another perspective: that your worth as a person is not determined by your father’s opinions or actions. You are valuable just as you are, and you have the potential to achieve great things in life. It might feel as though your father has a lot of power over your life and you feel like you can’t change anything, but there are actually a lot more things in your control than you believe…
For example, it’s true you can’t change your family, but - you have the power to seek support for yourself! It can be incredibly beneficial to talk to someone you trust about what you’re going through, whether it’s a close friend, a teacher, or a counsellor. When you share your feelings with someone, it can be a powerful way to relieve emotional pain and receive support.
Given the complex family dynamics you’ve described, it might also be helpful to involve a mental health professional who can provide guidance and support to you and your family – the professional can help guide you through this difficult situation, with tools and strategies to empower you and help you regain control over your emotions and life.
Also, if you feel like you nee to talk to someone, you can try these online chat options too:
I would also like to recommend that you focus on your self-care routines. This includes practicing self-compassion, engaging in activities that bring you joy, and finding healthy ways to cope with stress. You can read this article for more ideas about how to manage your self-care: 5 Self-Care Practices for Every Area of Your Life
Last but not least, if you ever feel like you’re in immediate danger or need someone to talk to, consider reaching out to a crisis hotline in Malaysia (Read this: Abuse & domestic violence helplines in Malaysia) . They are available 24/7 and can provide you with support and guidance.
Some important numbers you may want to note are:
- Women’s Aid Organisation Hotline: +603 3000 8858 (9 am – 5 pm)
- SMS/WhatsApp TINA: +6018 988 8058 (24 hours)
Finally, I just want to encourage you and remind you that you are a strong and resilient person for reaching out and sharing your feelings. It takes courage to open up about what you’re going through. Your life has value, and there is hope for a brighter future.
Keep us updated about how you’re coping, we’ll be here to support you
Thank you for sharing about your situation, it definitely isn’t easy to be vulnerable in sharing about something close to your heart, and I respect your courage for that. It sounds like this situation has been ongoing for a long while now, and I can only imagine the frustration or fear that you may be feeling as a result of the remarks and actions by your father.
If I’m understanding you correctly (feel free to correct me!), it sounds like you may be experiencing some helplessness and feel hurt that your father uses insulting remarks and scolds you for things you may not necessarily have had control over, which can be frustrating as well
I’m concerned when you mentioned that you want to disappear, it sounds like you’re not sure of how to put a stop to this situation that’s causing you so much pain. Since the situation seems to have been present for a while, perhaps there have been certain coping strategies or outlets of self-expression that you’ve found helpful to cope with the situation thus far? (if not it’s perfectly ok as well!) Otherwise, perhaps I can suggest mindline’s website for youths, which includes an AI chat bot, Wysa. It has personally been useful for me to tide over some tougher times, and perhaps it could be a resource for you to tap on when things get stressful. However, I acknowledge that your situation is complex and you may have other preferences and means of coping that works better for you; which I would then encourage you to tap on
To end off, I understand that you may be feeling useless when the environment you’re in may not be supportive, though I believe that you definitely do have unique and valuable strengths that may just have not yet been recognised by others.
Once again, thank you for sharing your thoughts here! Do give yourself the time and space to process everything at your own pace!