anxiety + depression is ruining my life

Ask a Therapist Coping
,
1

I’m genuinely struggling, and I’m really at a loss. I speak to my psychologist/therapist once every week, but there are still some things I just simply cannot bring myself to say in person, and only so much we can do for an hour. I have been diagnosed with adolescent depression by a psychiatrist, and I would think anxiety as well, considering they have offered me medication. By anxiety, I mean the fact that I always overthink, get anxious over quite literally nothing. The most prominent thought that I could get was that I think I’m an inherent failure. I’m writing this post because I want to know how to get rid of it as soon as I can, and how to feel okay, how to feel happy again. I can’t feel happiness, not actual joy, not since the start of this year. My school attendance this year is really bad, and my school is trying to adjust and accommodate for me, but I just feel worse. I can’t focus, can’t do anything, it’s becoming a sort of mental disability for me. My life has been put on hold, I can’t communicate and speak to my friends, I’m just really alone and isolated (My family are not a safe space for me to speak with… But I’m trying to fix our relationship.) I’m genuinely losing hope in so many things, and I don’t know how the future is going to play out.

I’m really sorry, I’ve sort of been rambling. I just want to ask – Would you recommend going on medication? I’m scared, because there’s a black box period. I want to know how to get rid of this horrid feeling, it’s like a lingering chill, it won’t leave. I want to know how to feel happy and be okay again. It’s vague, and everyone tells me it will take time, but it’s been almost six months. I’m tired. I don’t have the time to spare for this anymore. It’s make me put my friendships on hold (I don’t exactly trust my friends… I want to make new ones but am developing some sort of weird social anxiety.), make me put my schoolwork and attendance on hold, seen as second-most important. It’s made me a completely different person. I want to go back to being a blank slate. I want to be happy, bright, jovial, and extroverted again. I don’t want to be this sad, hollow shell anymore. It’s ruined everything for me, and the only comfort I find these days is in books with MCs as tortured as I am finding love, happiness. But even that is short-lived, because I will always inherently feel as if I have done something wrong. I’ve tried coping methods such as intense exercise, cold water, 3 things you see, hear, and can touch, as well as the tensing and relaxing of a muscle. Do any of you here have any tips?

2 Likes
2

Hi there! First of all, it’s really brave of you to even gather your thoughts and share with the community here.

What you are going through must be really hard - trying to get on with the demands of “normal” life like catching up with school, while dealing with such big feelings. I want to assure you that your effort matters, even if it feels like it’s not bringing you anywhere at the moment.

It sounds like you might be finding it hard to relate what you are feeling with your loved/close ones. Are you able to seek support from school counselors or even a teacher? It will be really helpful to establish a support system! Of course - the community here is here for you too :slight_smile:

You mentioned that you feel like a failure or that you have done something wrong. Let’s try and reframe and place our attention on the other side of the spectrum. What is a small win that we can celebrate over the last week?

3

Dear @imnotokaystopasking

Thank you for reaching out with openness. I can see the effort you put in pouring your heart out in what you wrote. Please know that you are not rambling. Rather I believe you are speaking from a place of deep pain, confusion, and longing, and every word matters.

It sounds like you’ve been carrying such a heavy weight for long, and you’re trying your best to hold it all together while navigating something that feels overwhelming and isolating. And still, even through all of this, you’re reaching out. That is not weakness at all, it’s strength.

You’re right—therapy sessions are short, and sometimes there are thoughts or feelings that just feel too hard to say out loud. That’s okay. Many people struggle with that too. And even though you’re seeing a psychologist weekly (which is a huge and courageous step), I hear that there are things inside you that still feel stuck, unspoken, or too painful to face fully alone.

You mentioned being diagnosed with adolescent depression—and possibly anxiety too. That mix can feel suffocating. It makes it hard to breathe, to focus, to enjoy even small things. And that lingering thought—that you’re an inherent failure—is heartbreaking, because it’s not the truth. But I know that depression is cruel, and it can make that lie feel like the only truth there is.

You asked something deeply honest: How and when could I feel okay and happy again? While there’s no quick answer, I want to gently remind you that what you’re longing for—joy, connection, peace—is not out of reach, even if it feels that way right now. What you’re going through isn’t who you are—it’s something you’re experiencing. And that means it can change.

I know six months feels like a long time to be in this dark place. You’ve tried coping methods. You’ve tried pushing forward. And you’re tired. That’s fully understandable because depression is exhausting. And when even books—the one place where you find comfort—start to lose their warmth, it’s natural to feel hopeless.

May I remind you that despite what you are experiencing:
You are still here. You’re still fighting. And that means there’s hope.

About medication—it’s completely okay to be scared. It’s a big decision. It’s best to ask your psychiatrist the medication questions. You don’t have to decide everything at once. Medication isn’t about fixing you—it’s about supporting your brain so it has the space to start healing. Some people describe it as turning the volume down on the storm inside—just enough so they can start to breathe again.

You also mentioned feeling like your life is on pause in the dimensions of your school, your friendships, your sense of self. That’s such a painful place to be, and I hear how badly you want to go back to who you used to be. But what if I told you that you don’t need to go back to that version of yourself?

What if, from this point forward, you can slowly begin to create a version of yourself who feels safe, loved, and whole—even if different from the past?

You’re not a hollow shell. You’re a human being going through something deeply hard, and you are not alone in that. Many people have walked this path, and many have come out the other side. You can too.

In the meantime, it’s okay to write things down for your therapist. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know how to explain this out loud, but I wrote something.” That is communicating and means progress.

Please don’t give up on yourself just because this part of your life feels dark. There is still light in you. You matter, dear. You are not beyond help—you are in the middle of healing.

And healing can be slow, but it is never wasted time.

You’re doing your best, and that’s enough for today. I’m glad that you are reaching out. Please know that you are not alone. Keep taking small steps forward and practise some of the techniques the therapist has introduced to you. Reach out here whenever you need to. :yellow_heart:

4

Thank you so much for being so honest and vulnerable, it takes a lot of strength to speak this openly :flexed_biceps:t2:, especially when you’re already feeling so drained and defeated :pleading_face:. From everything you’ve shared, it sounds like you’re carrying so much, this deep sadness, overwhelming anxiety, the fear of being a burden, and that lingering thought that you’re a failure. I just want to say that you are not a failure. You’re someone who’s hurting, but also someone who is fighting, by showing up to therapy, by asking for help, by still holding on even when it feels impossible.

You mentioned feeling like you’re rambling, but I think that shows how much has been building up inside. It makes sense that an hour a week in therapy doesn’t always feel like enough, especially when there’s so much you struggle to say out loud. Some people find writing things down, like you have done here, and passing it to their therapist helps open up difficult conversations. Maybe you can think about showing them what you wrote here?

As for medication, your fear is so valid. Correct me if I’m wrong but the black box is a serious warning on certain medication? The warning is scary, and it’s okay to feel unsure. But just know that medication isn’t a failure or a last resort. It’s a tool, just like therapy and coping skills, that can help take the edge off so you don’t have to fight so hard just to survive each day. Maybe one way to approach this is to talk to your psychiatrist more about your concerns, ask what to expect in the first few weeks, and whether they’ll monitor you closely. You deserve to feel safe, supported, and informed in your choices.

I hear how much you miss the “old you”, the version who felt light, bubbly, connected. And while it may not feel like it now, it is possible to feel joy again. Healing often feels unbearably slow and unfair, but that doesn’t mean you’re not moving forward. Sometimes, the most powerful kind of growth happens quietly, in all the ways you choose to stay even when everything inside tells you to give up.

You’re not alone in this, okay :folded_hands:t2:? And I’m really proud of you for reaching out. That hollow, lingering chill you described? It doesn’t define you. You’re not broken, you’re a person trying their best in circumstances that have just been too heavy, for too long.

Maybe you could try setting some time for a worry window. For example, give yourself around 15-20mins a day to let yourseld feel all the sadness, anger and fears, whatever comes up. Then after that time, remind yourself you’ve already felt it for today. It may be able to help contain the overthinking instead of letting it bleed into every moment. On days you can’t do anything, have one small promise you keep just for you. Like brushing your teeth, stretching for 3 minutes, or drinking a cup of water. Let that be your “I showed up for myself today” moment. Maybe you can try those?

just know that your feelings are valid, your pain is real, and you matter so much more than you know. :yellow_heart:

1 Like
5

Hey @imnotokaystopasking. Thank you for being brave and honest enough to put this into words. It’s not easy to sit with all this, much less express it. And I really hear how exhausted you are mentally, emotionally, and physically. What you’re going through isn’t something light, and you’re not expected to carry it like it is.

You’re not failing at healing. You’re navigating something really heavy with the weight of shame and loneliness on your back, and you’re still showing up to therapy, still trying coping methods, still holding space for others, and still reaching out. That’s not failure. That’s resilience, strength and courage, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

The part that stood out to me most was when you said, “I want to go back to a being a blank state.” I get that wish. But what if, instead of erasing yourself, healing is about slowly making space for more of you? Not the “old you”, but a softer, gentler version that is not at war with yourself?

About medication, you’re not alone in being scared. The black box warning can feel alarming, and your concern makes total sense. It is not an easy decision. But like how wearing spectacles help with vision, medication can help your mind have just enough clarity or calm to make your therapy more effective. Not a fix, but a tool. If you’re unsure, it’s okay to ask your psychiatrist questions like:

  • “Can we start small and monitor closely?”
  • “What are early side effects I might expect?”
  • “How long before I can assess if it’s helping?”

You deserve to feel informed and supported, not rushed or cornered.

It also sounds like you’re mourning the disconnect with your friends, the emotional weight at school, and even the discomfort of not feeling “seen” at home. That’s a lot to carry for anyone, especially alone. And yet, you’re reaching out. That alone tells me that there’s a part of you, however small, that still believes in the possibility of getting better.

Let’s hold on to that part for now.

You deserve a life where you don’t feel like you’re drowning just by existing.

You’re doing more than you know. One moment at a time, okay? :sunflower: