Arguing with My Mother

[happeningswan685]

im a 15 year old teenage girl, and i usually have a good relationship with my mum. im very lucky to be in an upper middle class family, my parents are together, and my home life has been good for my entire life. i score very well in school and my mum always lets me go out with friends with her credit card and i have no limitations on internet usage and stuff. however, a few days ago, my family and I were at lunch, and my mum was really angry that my sister was using her phone. she got really angry at all of us and started saying how we all never helped with housework, and when i tried to mediate the conversation, she just got angrier and angrier and eventually stormed off. ever since then, shes been ignoring me and pretending i dont even exist. she doesnt even look at me. im just so confused because ive never fought with my parents before, and i dont even know what to do in this situation. during that lunch, when i tried to apologise, she just screamed at me and said that i didnt mean it. another thing is that during that whole conversation, i was the one responsible for mediating everyones emotions and “guiding the conversation” in a sense, and i felt so much pressure. my dad didnt say anything.

what should i do in this situation? i dont want this tension to continue, and this is beginning to affect my studies. i dont want to be at home because its so awkward, and i spend most of my nights at the park nearby on call with my friend and i only come home pretty late. worst of all, its september holidays now so i cant even go to school to “escape”.

i know so many people have it worse but i really dont know what to do because ive always viewed my mum as one of the only people who would never really abandon me, and now i feel like ive been lied to also. id really appreciate any insights and advice. thank you’

[Fenrispro]

Hii it must be really tough to deal with. Most families wil have probs and conflicts, we are all diff personalities. Its in fact not really possible as part of the family to mediate. Maybe let yr mum cool down for few days?

Im working adult, yea my folks also grumble these all the time, my fogey is worse. If there is a neutral third party like relative who can help u mediate would be better too

[Obi_Wan_Kenobi]

Hey @happeningswan685,

Sorry for the late response, as I was away from the platform for a while.

It sounds especially painful and confusing because you have usually felt close to your mum, and now you feel ignored by someone you trusted to be there for you. You were also carrying the pressure of managing everyone’s emotions during lunch. That is a lot for anyone, especially at 15. As a teenager, it’s definitely not your responsibility to resolve the whole family’s conflict by yourself. It’s possible that mum may need time to calm down, but your feelings still matter.

Firstly, when things are quieter at home, you could try sending her a short message or note, such as “I can see that you’re upset. I’m sorry things became so tense. I care about you, and I’d like to talk when we’re both ready.” You could also ask what specific household tasks she would like you to help with. This does not mean accepting blame for everything. It’s simply a practical way to reopen communication.

Secondly, you can consider speaking privately with your dad and explaining how the silence at home is affecting you. Be specific about what you need from him, such as helping you speak with your mum or simply listening. If that does not feel possible, reach out to another trusted adult, such as a relative, teacher, or school counsellor. You deserve support rather than having to mediate this on your own.

I also understand why you want to avoid the tension at home, but staying at the park until late could be a safety risk (especially for a young person). If you need space, try to spend time somewhere safer, ideally with a trusted friend or adult who knows where you are.

You are not “less deserving of help” just because other people may seem to have different or more serious problems. This situation is affecting your sense of safety, your studies, and your well-being, so it is valid to seek support. If you ever feel unsafe and need to talk to someone, you can contact National Mindline by calling 1771 or texting them on WhatsApp at +65 6669 1771. Both services are available 24/7.

As it’s been some time since your previous post, I’m looking forward to hearing how things are going for you now. Take care of yourself in the meantime!