I always used to be in control of my thoughts and emotions. But now they are spiralling. I feel happy one second and sad the next. I get irritated at little things. I start breathing fast and hard when I am about to breakdown or breaking down. When I say I breakdown, i dont mean breaking stuff or getting angry. I mean crying for hours, silently screaming and wanting to cut myself. I have not really cut myself but I have tried in the past. But I got scared as I did not want to die when I cut myself. I just wanted to hurt and feel pain and see blood. I have had suicidal thoughts and have made several suicidal attempts too in tje past. I have attended counselling begore and it worked. I stopped having these thoughts for like a year or so. Recently they came back. I spoke to my counselor and at first things seemed better. But now they are not. I really dont want to speak to her about this. Sometimes when i am feeling down, i take it out on my food. I am not concerned about my weight or looks. But when I am feeling down I dont like how certain foods taste in my mouth. So I make myself puke on purpose. I also starve myself for the rest of the day and even the next day. I really dont want to feel like this. I want to stop feeling this way. Whatd o I do?
Hi @Davnel
Thank you for coming forward with loads of courage to share what you are experiencing.
It sounds like you’re going through a difficult time, and it’s important to address these feelings seriously.
From what you have described, it seems like you’re experiencing emotional dysregulation, which can manifest as rapid mood swings, irritability, and overwhelming feelings of sadness or anger. This can be particularly challenging when combined with past experiences of self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Recognising that these feelings are part of a broader pattern can be the first step toward finding effective coping strategies.
May I recommend you seek professional help with some urgency again as it has worked for you in the past. Given your history and current feelings, it’s crucial to reach out for professional support: Consider finding a therapist who specialises in emotional dysregulation and trauma treatment.
While seeking professional help is essential, there are also self-care strategies you can implement:
-
Mindfulness Practices: Engage in mindfulness or meditation exercises to help ground yourself during moments of emotional upheaval.
-
Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings regularly. This can help you process emotions and identify triggers for your mood swings.
-
Physical Activity: Engage in regular physical exercise, which can significantly improve mood and reduce anxiety levels.
-
Healthy Eating Habits: Try to maintain a balanced diet. If you’re struggling with food-related issues, consider speaking with a nutritionist who understands emotional eating.
-
Support Network: Reach out to trusted friends or family members who can provide emotional support. Sharing how you feel with someone who listens can alleviate some of the burden.
-
Identify Triggers: Keep track of situations or interactions that lead to intense emotions. Understanding your triggers can help you prepare for or avoid them when possible.
-
Develop Coping Skills: Work on developing healthy coping mechanisms for when you feel overwhelmed, such as deep breathing exercises, grounding techniques, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy.
-
Set Small Goals: Focus on small, achievable goals each day to help regain a sense of control over your life and emotions.
It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in this struggle, and there is support available to help you through these challenging times. The feelings you’re experiencing are serious and deserve attention from professionals who can guide you toward healing You deserve to feel better and find healthier ways to cope with your emotions. You are deeply precious, please know that. 
Thank you for the advice. I will try to try some of these methods.