Confused with emotions and reactions

Is it normal to be confused with our emotions? Recently I realise that I can’t feel much emotions and sometimes they confuse me. My emotions and reactions don’t link. I react that i’m angry but i don’t feel angry, i react that I am happy but I don’t know if im really happy.

I don’t know why I am doing this too, are there any possible reasons for this to happen? It came to a point where I don’t know who I really am anymore and don’t know what my real feelings are.

Even when my loved one says that they have suicide thoughts I feel very calm and find it normal because I have also think about it too from time to time. I mean thinking of suicide doesn’t mean you have depression right? I tend to just stare into space until I realise i’m staring into space and also find it hard to focus. I also feel to have short term memory and have difficulties to remember things.

Hi @user1136

Thanks for taking time to share your struggles with us on this platform and I hope you gain some clarity about your situation.

It sounds like you can be disconnected from your feelings and I am wondering if it could be a coping mechanism you have developed. People cope with strong feelings in different ways and the reason why some people don’t react the way they feel could be due to long periods of inhibiting their emotions towards intense situations. You know like some people laugh as they are sharing their experiences though it can be sad memories, but they are actually trying to make things less intense for themselves as they are sharing about it.

When you talked about your loved ones sharing about their suicidal thoughts, I am concerned about your wellbeing. Like at what age were you when you first heard of it and how intense was it for you at that time? Digging into this might help in discovering underlying reasons for you to feel this way. Sometimes, information can be too difficult for our body to process and it reacts in a way that helps release that tension, so the body does not breakdown (that is the coping mechanism).

Being disconnected from your feelings could also be why you have difficulty remembering things. It is a way your body protects you. It means that by not processing certain events, you don’t feel as hurt as you could be if you do remember. Perhaps, it has been going on for a long time and it has become an automatic reflex whenever you have information to process. I hope this all make some sense to you.

Perhaps, you can try journaling as a way to remember things and write down the feelings that come with it too. If you react by being angry/happy, write it down as well. When you reflect on your journal, maybe you can connect the dots.
I can give you an example I shared in another post. A person cannot feel sadness when they experienced sad or traumatic events, but breaks down in less significant events. This is how the body finds release through such events to help you handle the sadness you should have felt in big events. Therefore, by writing things down, you may gain a better understanding of yourself and why you are feeling a certain way.

I hope this is helpful. Do let me know you need any clarifications!

Okay sure, I’ll try journaling to connect the dots. Thank you very much! :slight_smile:

Hi @user1136

No worries, happy to help. I hope journaling works for you :slight_smile: take care!

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I am not a professional in mental health and am replying because I feel the same way that you do.

I am cool as a cucumber when getting suicide threats and even during my own suicide attempts (I am bored of the idea and will never do that again)

I am not sure if you could also have Alexithymia, a common condition that is unable to identify emotions. It is usually a result of our early years development.

Being less emotional has helped me do very well in my career, makes people in tears laugh during funerals, and has been very useful in many ways in my life. But it also has hindered in developing romantic relationship and understanding people around me.

I have just started going to a therapist. I hope to be able to understand my emotions better to be the best that I can be and to live life to the fullest.

If it is not the same for you, being able to identify a problem, talking openly about it and making effort to find answers, you are on your way to a better you and better life. I’m almost 50. If you are younger than that, that’s how much smarter you are than me.

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Thank you for sharing