I don't know how/what I'm feeling anymore

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
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I have posted a while back about loosing the ability to feel. But now I’m honestly not sure anymore where I am. I’m sorry if the following does not make sense.

I’ve tried doing small things to get back, tried to bring myself back, but honestly nothings been making me feel in a sense. I don’t even feel the panic or stress from a project deadline anymore. I wait and wait for it to come, but there’s just nothing.

Laughing without happiness, crying without sadness. Yet I feel my heart clench, and weight press on my shoulders, I feel the hand on my neck and I feel dull pressure on my wrists when there is nothing there.(I have not done neither, its just like a strong phantom feeling) I don’t want to die either to be honest, but I want to disappear. Disappear somewhere where I can feel and be myself again.

Its like I’m putting on an act for myself and others. I feel like I’m being dramatic, even crazy. But the me from 2 months ago wouldn’t have been like this. I would have been able to feel. I would have been able to imagine.

This has been affecting me a lot to be honest. It brings about an internal turmoil inside me because I’m someone that can’t sense their limits. So My sleep and eating habits have been going haywire, and I’ve been isolating myself, just trying to figure myself out. And I don’t know if its been worrying the people around me, but I just want this all to stop so things can go back to normal.

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Hey Shi,

Thank you for reaching out again and sharing what you’re going through. From what you have decsribed, it is clear that you feel lost from the weight of what you’re describing, even if the words don’t seem to capture the whole picture. What you’re feeling is valid, and it’s important that you’ve shared it here.

You’ve been trying to reconnect with yourself, but it’s been hard to make progress. Your experience is real, Shi. The absence of feeling, or the inability to experience emotions as you normally would, isn’t something that happens by choice, and it doesn’t make you any less valid. It’s a response to the weight you’re carrying—one that your mind and body may not be fully able to process at the moment. That’s not a weakness. It’s a protective mechanism that your system has created when things felt too overwhelming or when there was too much to process.

You also mentioned that you’ve been isolating yourself, possibly trying to figure things out on your own. Isolation can sometimes feel safe because it keeps you from the pressure of trying to appear “normal” for others, but it also makes it harder to connect with yourself and others who may help lighten the load. Reaching out like you did here is a step, even if it doesn’t feel like much.

Since 2 months ago until now, did you get a chance to reach out to counsellor or a professional for help? Do let us know if you did or if there was anything that you tried before that helped you cope a little at a time?

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Honestly i am contemplating going to my schools counsellor, but i dont really wish to trust them for other reasons, i was planning to wait till im 18 at the end of the year to see a therapist on my own so that i dont need to tell my parents or anything.

And ive been trying to like cry it out? In a sense, ive been doing things i used to enjoy and watching things that used to make me sad, but its all been futile, honestly, im most worried? about how this affects my work ethic as a student, but its been taking quite a huge toll on my mental and physical health as well, as being unable to feel in this sense is also letting me push my body to limits it cant really feel. (like eg. I ill stay up for days and like crash for a few days after and i still wont feel anything other then being a little tired)

And as im writing, i have submissions due literally today, but i cant seem to get that stress to push myself. Ive just been stuck in this place overall, and its just. I dont feel lost or anything. Like i know im here. But i dont know how to flip this switch so i can feel again if it makes sense.

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Sounds like u need a long break to do or discover things that give u positive energy. Do get professional help too. As for ur current habits, its mentally unhealthy as it will make u spiral deeper. Try to do the opposite of ur habits slowly n then do more of it

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Thank you for your message, @Shi. I can feel the weight of what you’re expressing and how overwhelming it must feel to be in this space where things seem to not make sense emotionally, but you’re aware of the consequences it’s having on your life. You’re carrying a lot right now, and it sounds like you’ve been doing your best to manage everything on your own, even though it’s clearly taking a toll.

The fact that you’re not feeling much, even when you’re trying to process emotions or get some relief, can be so frustrating. It’s like you’re disconnected from your own feelings, and that feeling of detachment can make everything else harder—especially when it comes to responsibilities like school work or self-care. This exhaustion from not feeling anything, yet still pushing yourself beyond limits, is exhausting and understandably, it’s hard to maintain motivation when your emotions are shut off.

It’s also understandable that you’re hesitant about trusting the school counselor. Sometimes, it can be tough to open up to someone we feel doesn’t fully understand, especially if there’s the fear of what might come of sharing things with them. You’re also thinking about waiting until you’re 18 to seek therapy independently, which sounds like it’s an important part of regaining control over your situation. That’s a good thing to recognize, as it reflects your desire for autonomy in dealing with this, but I also want to acknowledge that you don’t have to wait until you’re 18 to find support if you need it sooner. It’s okay to reach out, even in small ways, to start exploring options that might help now.

I can see that you’re overwhelmed by a lack of emotional connection, feeling stuck in a space where you know things need to change, but you don’t know how to “flip the switch” to bring back those feelings. You’re searching for something that feels normal, like how things used to be, but that pressure to “feel” can be exhausting too. You may have tried pushing through and “crying it out,” but it’s not providing the release you’re hoping for, and I want to acknowledge that it’s okay to feel frustrated by this. You’re working hard to process, and yet the change you need isn’t coming in the way you hoped, which is so tough.

You also mentioned that this emotional numbness is affecting your work ethic and physical health, especially when it comes to staying up for days without feeling the usual physical or mental fatigue. This sounds like, to me, a form of dissociation, a way your mind and body are trying to cope with everything you’re managing internally. When you can’t feel the typical cues of stress or exhaustion, your body doesn’t get the feedback it needs to stop or rest. It’s a form of self-protection, but it’s not sustainable, and over time, it contributes to further emotional burnout.

I want to hold space for how disconnected you feel from your own emotions. This is not a “flaw” or a “weakness”; this is how your body and mind have been managing overwhelming feelings that you haven’t had the chance to process yet. You don’t need to know exactly how to “flip the switch” right now. It’s okay to sit with the discomfort of not knowing and to give yourself permission to not have to feel something just yet. You’re in a place where it’s okay to be unsure, and there’s no rush to fix it right away.

Your effort to push through, even when you’re not feeling anything, is a sign of your inner strength. Even in this numb place, you are continuing to move forward, even if it feels slow or like you’re stuck. That is resilience—you are trying, even when it’s hard to see progress, and that deserves to be acknowledged.

I want to leave you with a couple of questions to reflect on as you continue to work through this:

  • If you could find one small step that might make you feel more grounded, what might that look like, even if it’s just for a few minutes? Maybe it’s just taking a brief pause during your day to breathe, or to allow yourself to feel what you feel in that moment without judgment.
  • How might it feel to let go of the pressure to “flip the switch” and just be where you are, even if it’s not ideal, and to gently allow your emotions to return on their own time?

It’s okay not to have all the answers right now, and it’s okay to feel stuck for a while. What you’re experiencing doesn’t define you, and there are paths forward, even if they’re hard to see right now. Take small steps, and be gentle with yourself. It’s all part of the process, and you’re not alone in this.