Everything have been okay, tho I don’t feel better to. In exam right now and thinking about the 9th grade now. Not to mention i’m trying to seek help from the counselor in my school but i still can’t do it. I haven’t done anything but i feel so… Weird. Like empty but it’s not empty. It’s like i’m here to just roll and continue life without any meaning or purpose.
And not to mention how frustrating how one time i can be so sad(?) that it last for a few days but then after that, okay, normal. I don’t feel anything but numb. And then it happen again, Again, and again, i am tired of it. I can’t cry but u can’t stop crying sometime. It’s so frustrating even if i dont show it in my face. I hate it sometimes when i crave sadness.
It sounds like you’re carrying a lot inside, and that feeling of cycling through emotions; deep sadness, then numbness, then frustration - it must be exhausting. It’s completely okay to feel lost sometimes, especially when so much is changing around you, with exams, school, and thoughts of the future weighing on your mind. You are not alone in this, even if it feels that way. Seeking help can be tough, especially when it means opening up about feelings that are hard to explain, but taking that first step, even if it’s just acknowledging that you want to reach out, is already something brave.
Your emotions are valid, no matter how unpredictable or overwhelming they may seem. Feeling numb, craving sadness, or not knowing how to express what’s inside - those feelings don’t define you, and they don’t mean you’re broken. Sometimes, our minds process emotions in waves, and even when things feel repetitive, it doesn’t mean they’ll stay this way forever. You deserve support, understanding, and kindness, not just from others, but also from yourself. If talking to a counsellor feels too difficult right now, even small steps like writing down what you’re feeling or reaching out to someone you trust could be helpful. You don’t have to face this alone, and you are worth being heard.
Some helpful resources:
Youth Community Outreach Team (CREST-Youth): SupportGoWhere
It takes a lot of strength to say what you just said. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, sharing how you feel—especially when it’s confusing and hard to explain—is already a kind of courage.
What you’re going through right now sounds emotionally exhausting. The back-and-forth between sadness and numbness isn’t something you’re making up. It’s actually something many people go through when their emotions feel too big to process all at once. Sometimes our mind tries to protect us by turning off the volume—and that can feel like emptiness or numbness.
And that craving for sadness? It’s not weird. It’s often the mind trying to feel something, even if it’s pain, because feeling nothing can be even scarier. That doesn’t mean you want to hurt yourself—it means your system is asking to be understood.
I also hear that you’ve been thinking about talking to a school counsellor but just… can’t. That hesitation makes total sense. It can feel overwhelming, and you might be afraid they won’t get it or that it’ll be awkward. What if we take that one step at a time? Maybe writing them a short note first, or bringing a friend along. You don’t have to do it alone.
What you’re feeling isn’t something you have to carry by yourself forever. You’re not broken. You’re trying to make sense of a storm inside—and that deserves care, not silence.
Let’s find a way to get you the support you need, one small step at a time.