i’m in my final year of secondary school, which i know is very pivotal but i can’t seem to know what im doing
i’ve been dreading and putting off simple tasks that i used to not mind like copying notes, even at home i don’t keep away my clothes that i’ve changed out of and the feeling of keeping away my things feels daunting. whenever i look at how messy my desk is and the clutter i feel suffocated and i feel like clearing stuff up but i still don’t want to do it
lately i’ve been getting tired and falling asleep before i finish my work and i end up waking up at 2 or 3 am, only to brush my teeth and pack my bag before going back to sleep. i used to fall asleep against my will in class daily and i used to fight to stay awake, but recently i’ve sort of given up on listening and i fall into deep sleeps in class. when i’m not sleeping, i end up doing all the leftover work i have during other lessons and i feel like i’m barely picking up what i learn in class, i feel like every day is almost a blur and i’m too tired to digest what i did or what i feel at the end of each day
my schedule is very packed and there’s always an assignment due or a test to prepare for, i personally don’t feel very negatively towards it and i just try to get the work done at the last possible moment
don’t know if it has any correlation with my mental health but i’ve been washing my hands excessively recently, whenever i touch a surface that feels unclean, i get very bothered that there’s bacteria on my hand and i can only shake that feeling off by washing my hands with soap, even though the surface i have touched is not necessarily dirty
my days feel very unproductive, and i tell myself i need to break this cycle but i don’t. i know that if this persists it would get worse for me when i’m nearing end of year examinations and my schedule just becomes more hectic. i’m worried about myself.
