Hey @user6114,
When you asked, “Is there something wrong with me?” it sounded more like concern than indifference. You’re not describing cruelty, you’re describing confusion about your own reactions.
Let’s slow this down.
You clearly recognise that your boyfriend’s dad being in the ICU is serious and sad. That shows cognitive empathy. You understand what the situation means. Emotional empathy, feeling it strongly in your body, doesn’t always show up at the same time, especially when there isn’t a strong personal connection.
You’ve never met his dad. That makes a difference. When we don’t have a close bond with someone, our feelings can be quieter. That doesn’t mean you lack empathy. It may simply mean you don’t feel deeply connected to him.
The same idea can apply to your grandma. Having memories with someone doesn’t automatically mean you’ll feel strong emotions every time something happens. Feelings grow stronger when there’s ongoing closeness and personal investment. If that hasn’t been built deeply, your reactions may feel flat.
You also said you’ve felt empathy before, even for strangers. That matters. It shows the ability is there. It just doesn’t activate in every situation.
About love, some people experience love mainly as a feeling: warmth, closeness, affection. Others recognise love more through actions: responsibility, loyalty, showing up, doing what needs to be done. In many families, love is expressed more through behaviour than emotion.
So instead of asking, “Do I feel love?” you might check:
- Do I care about their wellbeing?
- Would I be affected if something serious happened to them?
- Do I act in ways that consider them?
Love is not always intense. Sometimes it’s steady concern or commitment.
A gentle question for you: When your boyfriend told you about his dad, did you still want to respond in a way that supported him, even if you didn’t feel sadness yourself?
That intention already tells us something important.
Nothing in what you wrote suggests something is wrong with you. It sounds more like you’re still learning how your emotions work and how closeness forms for you. That’s part of growing, not a sign that something is broken.