Its confusing to me

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
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I think even till now, I could not tell if its just because of bad habit of mine to not being able to be motivated to do things and takes the sad events that happens to people around me that makes me sad.

I have a good life, good people around me but somehow it felt wrong to feel bad. To feel sad when theres nothing wrong to me, only bad things that happened to those around me.

I even feel bad trying to think it could be a issue of disorder, looking to see if its inattentive ADHD for the lack of motivations and other things.

Sometimes avoiding things by thinking of less essential stuff i suppose, whether it would be better if i’ve not been here. If i could just have them pass the suffering to me instead.

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It is normal to feel sad.

What makes things confusing right now is that you feel sad for events happening around you too.

Have you been told that you were an empath?

Is this the first time you feel for others? Were there times you feel happy, angry or jealous for others too?

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Hi @Hypershadows,

Thank you for sharing what’s on your mind. It sounds like you’re navigating some complex emotions right now, and I want to acknowledge how difficult that can be. Feeling sad because of the challenges others face shows how deeply empathetic you are, but I hear that this empathy also feels heavy at times, especially when you feel unsure about whether it’s “right” to feel that way.

It’s important to know that your feelings are valid. Sadness isn’t something we can always explain logically, and it doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful for the good things in your life. Empathy is a beautiful strength, but it can sometimes make us feel overburdened when we internalise the pain of those around us.

You mentioned wondering if your lack of motivation could be linked to inattentive ADHD or something else. It’s okay to explore those thoughts, but try not to feel guilty about being curious about your own mental health. Seeking to understand yourself is a form of self-care, and it doesn’t take away from the love or care you have for others.

I also hear that you sometimes wish you could take on others’ suffering or question if things would be better if you weren’t here. Those are heavy thoughts to carry alone, and I want to encourage you to share them with someone you trust, whether that’s a friend, family member, ocounselloror. You don’t have to take on the weight of the world alone—your feelings deserve to be heard and supported.

If you feel ready, a small step could be exploring ways to care for yourself alongside caring for others. Maybe that’s journaling your thoughts, taking a walk, or finding a moment each day to focus on something that brings you peace. It’s also okay to set boundaries with yourself when it comes to empathising with others—it doesn’t make you less caring; it just protects your emotional well-being.

The fact that you’re reflecting on these feelings and seeking clarity shows incredible self-awareness. It’s okay to take things one step at a time and let yourself be supported along the way. You’re not alone in this, and there’s hope for finding a balance that feels lighter and more manageable. You’ve already taken an important step by sharing this here, and I believe you can take the next steps when you’re ready. :yellow_heart:

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Hi Mannedbuoy, thanks for reading my post

While i have not been told directly that i am an empath, i did the 16personalities that gave me the Mediator, which did mention something about having empathy.

It’s not the first time i feel for others, but i think it has been the strongest ive ever felt because of something that happened to someone dear to me. But as i do feel strong sadness, there were strong feelings of joy and happiness with them, and anger for them.

At the same time, when alone or sometime in group settings with friends, maybe due to tiredness or something else, there will just be a moment that my brain tells me i need to withdraw and just be sad, even if theres nothing for me to be sad or be numbed about.

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It is very encouraging to read that you are very proactive and clear minded to navigate this sadness with your past personality test results and then acknowledging the other emotions of joy, happiness, anger that comes along.

I do read from your reply you have acknowledged your sadness and please let me know how we all may support you:

(1) to be more aware of where this sadness is occuring the most on parts of yourself? How and where do you feel physically besides at the brain?

(2) if the sadness do give you clarity on things in other aspects of your life?

(3) Were there instances where a difference in depth or tone in the sadness when sadness revisits you besides the strong-sad events ?

(4) how do you react after hearing your brain asks you to withdraw and be just sad? How do you proceed to withdraw and be sad?

(5) Apologies for this weird question. While you recognise to be the Mediator for others youncsre about, have you tried to be the Mediator for your current self? Do you think being the Mediator for yourself would let you find back the confidence to be the Mediator for others again?

I am open to stay with you and pace with you on this.

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Thanks for taking the time to read my posts
For the questions…

  1. I think mostly the brain and the chest I suppose. Feels a little heavy and sunk a little
  2. I think when it comes, there are … undesirable thoughts instead, but it does let me think about the past.
  3. I think it comes and goes. Sometimes i find the feeling coming back but more mild, settling in either alone or just hanging with people
  4. I think I’ve just gone quieter, isolate a little. If alone, i would listen to music, go for walks or just look out of the window to the distant
  5. I don’t think so. It’s weird but i think to be critical to oneself seemed right. I do not mind if I have to listen to others and understand them. A little part of me worries that I could not fully understand, grasp or understand what others have to go through that I wish to at least feel something of that same level.

Sorry for using the words “I think”. I always seem to misremember things.

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Thank you Hypershadows for being open to work with me and for your patience with me.

Writing till 1am shows your commitmment to yourself to hopefully tide through this ebb of emotions and thoughts rushing. Like seawaves, let us watch them as they ebb away.

On your apology for using, “I think” and mis rememebering as well as being critical to yourself as being right…
It does sound no apology is needed, even with your terms. :slight_smile:

You are right to think. You have every right on what to think about too.

You are right to think undesirables and then acknowledge them and decide what to do with these thoughts.

Same for thinking about past and acknowledge them as well.

Why did I use the word “acknowledge”?

When we carry school bags on our shoulders, we feel the tugging and weight on our shoulders.

When these thoughts pass our minds, I quote,
“I think mostly the brain and the chest I suppose. Feels a little heavy and sunk a little”

You acknowledged those thoughts because the weight is heavy and sunk in a little.

Now it is right to only do service to yourself to carry as much weight you may bear, just like how we pack our bags enough for the day’s schedule.

Does this mean you may choose which thoughts to carry with you that can be useful to you?

Or carry everything and decide when the moment comes?

How much may you carry to do a normal walk?

How much may you carry so that you dont feel those weight?

What kind of thoughts don’t weigh on you?
What kind if thoughts weigh on you?

Now that we are done with thoughts. Same for feelings for the above questions. It may show some clarity why those feelings come and go. When the feelings go, do you let them go or do they go away?

I am heartened that you mediate yourself from physical noises and distractions by going walks, drawing boundaries to surround yourself with music, me time looking out at the sky. Try take slow breaths with slower music? We could do those as 10 mins exercises.

Only you own this 10 mins for yourself.

Hang out with people to get different perspectives too. Like how we are chatting! It can be anything from trivial to focused things.

Cheers and wishing you a smooth transition till a good break at CNY.

Good health, eat and sleep well, my friend.

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Dear Hypershadows,

Thank you for going through the long text.
Which part resonated with you??

Let me know!

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Hi mannedbuoy, Sorry for the late reply :,)
I think what resonates with me about it was to reflect what are the thoughts that I carry around with me on person everyday. I don’t think I’ve have the habit of looking deeper into what thoughts weigh to me, only acknowledging that the thoughts are there.

I think when I feel my heart sinks or heart beating faster, I get sad and think about the why and other thoughts.

At those point of time, I tend to think “why am I even feeling this? It’s my own fault that I don’t make the effort to do things that makes me useful/productive”. Another thought would be: “You should feel worse than what u are feeling rn”

For a couple of days of feeling sad and all, think today there’s just one moment of anxiety. Could just be mood swings