I have been feeling sad for a good number of years. it is not that i do not have happy times. i do have happy times and hobbies that i enjoy but i keep finding myself going back to feeling sad again. a lot of times i do not even know why i am feeling sad. at the start more than 15 years ago, i do have some bouts of suicidal thoughts occasionally which i made plans but did not execute any of the plans in the end. now i do not wish to suicide for sure but every now and then those thoughts just come back in. i do feel that i am in a better control of my emotions and thoughts. but i am just wondering if this is normal? my life would seem normal or good even to other people but i just can’t help and feel sad majority of the time. i have a few reasons that i think might contribute to this but i don’t think they are that serious for me to be sad all day long. i am also thinking of letting my spouse know but im worried that he wont be empathic and be insensitive.
Hey @user6136,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. What you just wrote, “i have been feeling sad for a good number of years…” appears to be saying to me this isn’t something new for you, but something you’ve been carrying quietly alongside the happy moments and hobbies. Almost like the sadness is always waiting in the background, no matter what else is happening.
You also shared how more than 15 years ago, suicidal thoughts came and even plans were made, though not carried out. Now you don’t want to die, but sometimes those thoughts still slip back in. It says a lot about your strength that you’ve managed them and feel more in control these days.
I’m curious, when you say you feel “in better control of my emotions and thoughts,” what does that control look like for you now compared to before? And when the sadness returns, do you notice if other feelings come along with it? maybe anger, fear, or even joy breaking through for a while?
I hear you trying to reason with yourself, thinking the causes you can identify aren’t “serious enough” to explain feeling this sad. Many people do that to make sense, but feelings don’t always line up neatly with reasons. Sometimes they point to deeper patterns that deserve attention.
And about your spouse, I sense the hesitation, the worry about not being met with empathy. What would it look like if you shared just a small piece first, in a way that feels safer, rather than all at once?
When you feel ready, perhaps it would be most helpful for you to speak to a mental health professional through Mindline. And while you’re functioning and doing what’s expected, it doesn’t mean the sadness isn’t real or worthy of help. If the suicidal thoughts ever come back strong, please don’t hold it alone. you can call SOS at 1-767 or Mindline at 1771 (or WhatsApp +65 6669 1771) right away.
For now, maybe the next step is to journal and just track your moods daily for a week to see the patterns. And consider talking it through with your spouse, a counsellor or GP. You can consider jotting down a few words you could use with your spouse, something simple, that opens space without putting judgement on yourself? How do you feel about this now?
Hi @user6136 thank you for sharing this with us. It sounds like such a heavy burden to carry for 15 years. I’m glad to hear you’ve been managing better, but still feel sad most of the time.
It’s normal to feel sad, and sometimes the sadness is immense and ends up becoming a frequent emotion. It’s normal in the sense that there’s nothing wrong with you, and there are others who may have also experienced something similar and relate. The reasons don’t need to be big. If it affects you and has been on your mind, you deserve to receive support.
I also want to share that life doesn’t always have to be this way. Rather than whether it’s normal or not, I can say for sure that there is support for you and those like you to work towards a helping life look a bit different and hopefully better 
I’m wondering about the reasons you’re asking whether this is normal or not. Would you be able to share?
hi @user6136 !
it must not have been easy carrying these feelings for so long 
it sounds stressful and confusing, and it’s really amazing that you’re coming forward to share your experiences now!!
i can’t tell you if your feelings are normal or not, but if they are bothering you and you’re concerned, i think it’s worth paying attention to. would you consider talking to a professional about this? along with that, we are also all here to listen to you anytime you need someone to talk to
with your spouse, it can definitely be scary. have you shared something like this with them before? when i need to have a difficult conversation, i find it helpful to write down what i want to say and how they could potentially respond (both good and bad cases) so i can prepare myself for whatever the outcome. would that be helpful for you?
take care, do reach out anytime you need to!