Not sure if this is normal?

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
1

People around me usually known me as a happy person. I don’t have much problem with life, have great circle of friend, have a job and a harmony family.
But since years ago I think something is wrong with me when I started my first job, I tend to cry without any reason and I started to have thought of dying almost everyday. I tend to have thought like “how good if I die tomorrow”
I don’t know if it’s normal for people to have “dying thoughts” but I’ve been having it from times to times, when things doesn’t go so well. Sometimes I think maybe my level of handling stress is low so these negative thoughts happens.

But those negative thoughts gone for about 1-2 years, and lately it came back from time to time whenever my feel lost in life.

I couldn’t find a reason or a “target” of living, or why should I work hard. I have a bad habit of doing self harm when I couldn’t cope with my negative thoughts, and doing it helps to calm me when I can only feel the pain of doing it.

I don’t talk about these negative stuffs with people around me, afraid to be a “burden” to them and I think most importantly making them “disappointed” on not being a “happy person” anymore.

Is it normal for people to have “suicidal thoughts” ? Because I think everyone will have suicidal thoughts from time to time.

2

Hi @tinkibell

Thank you for reaching out to us on this platform and sharing your concerns. I think it take a lot of strength and courage for you to talk about such strong feelings. I hope you know that your feelings are valid and that you are not alone in this, I am sure there are people who love and care deeply for you and know that it is okay to ask for help.

Feeling overwhelmed when transiting to work from school can be rather stressful as you go through a lot of changes in dynamics with people, environment and routine. Please acknowledge your effort and know that you are doing the best you can to adapt.

Sometimes going through such changes in life, can feel confusing and disorienting. Perhaps you can also take some time to revisit your goals as it sound like you are feeling a little lost in life. It is helpful to reassess goals periodically to ensure that they are aligned with your current situation and circumstances. Given that you are feeling discouraged at this point, think about what else you can do under such circumstances to make your life feel fulfilled and meaningful.

I would like you to also think about your strengths and what have kept you going thus far. I believe you have lots of other qualities and abilities; and that makes you whole as a person. I am sure people around you like you as who you are, not just your positive side.
Everyone faces challenges in life and it is about knowing when to seek support and who
you can go to for support.

I am also concerned about you hurting yourself as a way of coping. While it could provide a sense of calmness in that moment, it is not a long-term solution. I am sure people around you would care about you and not want to see you hurting yourself. Let’s try to explore some ways you can cope with, that are helpful and not hurtful to yourself. Here are some alternate suggestions for you to consider trying:

  1. Deep breathing exercises – Find a comfortable space and position yourself comfortably. Take a deep breath in while counting to 5 and breathe out counting to 5 as well. While you are breathing out, imagine that the air leaves with your stress and tension. Stay focused on your breathing and cast aside other thoughts. Repeat until you feel better.

  2. Grounding exercises – A five-step exercise (5-4-3-2-1) can help to ground you in the present when you are feeling anxious.
    You would need to engage your 5 senses (like 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can smell, 2 things you can hear, 1 thing you can taste).

  3. Fidget toys – It can be something to keep your hands occupied and to provide sensory stimulation without causing hurt to yourself.

  4. Physical activity – It can be to walk around, jump a little, anything to release any pent-up energy within yourself.

  5. Identify your triggers. Think about what triggers and distracts you. What is the primary issue that is causing you to feel upset. Reflect on your past experiences. Were there situations when you felt triggered, what contributed to those feelings and how you coped with it then.

  6. Journaling. Track your reactions when you feel strong emotions or engage in certain behaviours. What was going on at that time, note your thoughts and emotions. Writing these down could help allow you to reflect on them more deeply. This can possibly help you gain insight or new perspectives to the situation.

  7. Self-care. Eat and sleep well. Having a balanced diet and being well-rested contributes to regulating mood and improving cognitive function. Take some time to engage in activities you enjoy.

  8. Positive self-talk. It is important how you speak to yourself. Focus more on your strengths and give affirmations to yourself.

  9. Seek support. Do reach out to trusted family or friends to talk about how you are feeling. Talking through experiences helps to gain new perspectives and insights. It could be encouraging as well.

If you find it challenging to talk to your family or others directly or if you need additional support, you may also consider reaching out to a mental health professional like a counsellor or online platforms. They can provide a safe space for you to explore healthy ways to work around your emotions. Here are some platforms you can consider:

  1. SOS – 1767 the hotline for SOS is toll-free and you may choose to remain anonymous. You will be speaking to volunteers who are trained to provide emotional support and a listening ear or receive some resources for professional support. You may also consider reaching out to SOS via their CareText function using WhatsApp (9151 1767).

  2. Limitless - Talk To Someone - Limitless

  3. IMH CHAT - Home - CHAT

  4. Singapore Association for Mental Health (SAMH) - 1800-283 7019

From your sharing, it sounds like you are looking at yourself in a negative light and that will further discourage you. I see that you are still seeking different ways to cope with your difficulties, and you have not given up even though it has been really challenging. I think this is something you really need to affirm yourself for.

I’d like to end off by thanking you again for your courage in sharing. Please know that you are not alone, and that there is hope for healing as long as you don’t give up on yourself. You’ve come a long way and we are here to support you.

Do take care!