I would like to describe my personality first bc I feel like im using a mask over myself bc idw ppl to worry about me. My personality with my friends is that I always laugh alot especially make alot of jokes but when I come back home it’s 180 degree shift in my personality.
When I get back home I just get hit with the random negative thoughts for example “am I that ugly” “so ugly for what” just like that but there is sometimes I get random suicidal thoughts + random hit of nostalgic feelings/memories. But suicidal thoughts can come to a range of like “im tired of living but im too scared to die just yet” to “what if i die” like im always so mentally drained or tired most of the time like to the point I can get headaches for being emotionally numbed. (If ur concern about my wellbeing of the suicidal thoughts im alright, i know how to prevent myself from doing harm)
But it’s just the thoughts that idk what’s wrong with me, like is it normal? I need opinions please
you must be feeling so frustrated and tired to be wearing your “mask” everyday with your friends, only to come home and feel overwhelmed with negative thoughts. i completely empathise with you because i was in a similar situation to you back when i was in school. let me share with you something which my therapist told me back then when i sought help for my situation.
she constantly reminded me that thoughts are not only uncontrollable and they do not define us. think about it — we have tens of thousands of thoughts a day which are automatic in our brains! some may be positive and some may be, negative. so we can’t possibly give our attention to all these thoughts! for me, i just accepted that there will be “random negative thoughts” that pop into my head, just like yourself, but i choose to notice it, and let it go. it sounds easier said than done but trust me, if you practise this skill regularly, i can’t promise that the negative thoughts will stop, but they’ll get easier to manage in time! you can read more about “mindfulness of thoughts”if you’re interested in knowing more!
Thank you for letting us know your thoughts and feelings so openly. It takes a lot of courage to express what you’re going through, and it’s important to acknowledge the complexity of your experiences. What you shared is common and can be understood and managed to reduce distress to yourself, so please do not be too disheartened.
May I share my observation that it is common for people to present different aspects of their personality in various settings. Many individuals feel the need to wear a “mask” in social situations to protect themselves or to fulfill perceived expectations. This can lead to a stark contrast between how we behave with friends and how we feel at home. Laughing and joking with friends can be a way to cope with stress and avoid deeper feelings.
I agree with you that the negative thoughts you experience when you return home can be distressing and overwhelming. Here are some key points to consider which I believe would help:
Self-Perception: Thoughts like “am I that ugly” often stem from internalized standards of beauty and self-worth. It’s important to challenge these thoughts and recognize that they do not define your value as a person.
Suicidal Thoughts: Experiencing thoughts about self-harm or questioning life can be a sign of emotional exhaustion or depression. It’s good to hear that you have strategies to keep yourself safe, but it’s also essential to address the underlying feelings that lead to these thoughts.
Emotional Drain: Feeling mentally drained and experiencing headaches can be symptoms of stress, anxiety, or depression. Emotional numbness can also be a way your mind copes with overwhelming feelings.
While many people also experience fluctuations in mood and self-perception, the intensity and frequency of your negative thoughts and feelings suggests you would benefit from additional support. May I encourage you to talk to a mental health professional who can provide you with tools to manage these negative thoughts and feelings? I have observed how therapy can offer a safe space to explore emotions and develop coping strategies.
Do also consider these steps to manage your feelings better such as:
(a)Journaling: Write down your thoughts and feelings. This can help you process your emotions and identify patterns in your thinking.
(b)Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded and reduce anxiety. Techniques such as deep breathing or guided meditation can be beneficial.
(c)Reach Out: Consider talking to a trusted friend or family member about how you feel. Sharing your experiences can lighten the emotional load.
(d)Self-Compassion: Practice being kind to yourself. Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel the way you do and that you deserve support and understanding.
Your feelings and experiences are valid, and it’s important to take them seriously. While it’s normal to have ups and downs, persistent negative thoughts and emotional exhaustion can be signs that you need additional support. Remember, you’re not alone in this, and reaching out for help is a strong and positive step toward understanding and healing.
Thank you for your courage to share your inner thoughts with us. Please don’t be hard on yourself and you are loved! Love yourself just as you love your friends!
It is very easy for us to point out flaws in ourselves and even the most prettiest/handsome looking people can be very insecure about their appearances!
You could try writing your negative thoughts down and replace them with positive ones! Like for example:
I am ugly => I am beautiful
Or you could try:
My outward appearance is ugly => Even if I believe that I look ugly, I have a kind heart and that is what truly matters.
You could also try practicing gratitude, for example:
I am alive today
I can see, I can smell, I can taste, I can hear etc
