(13 yrs old, sec school student singapore)
everyday i would have trouble sleeing, feeling anxious because i don’t want to go to school the next day. it feels as if everyone in school have the same mind and all know what each other is saying, and i feel like i don’t belong there. i also hate myself for my stupid personality and social anxiety because i will feel anxious for no reason when around people. and i have to try so hard to fit in, like faking smiles and laughter in order to not stand out. it is getting tiring. no one really cares about me, and im starting to feel empty and distant. i don’t really belong here, and sometimes i just hate myself. if i be myself, people will think i am a stupid, spoilt idiot. i don’t really see the point in life anymore. im tired of not knowing what do to everyday. im tired of having to fake smiles around people.im tired of listening to other people’s struggles and helping them when i have no one to share my struggles with. i can’t be myself anywhere. i have recently been pretending to be sick to skip school, but i don’t want to live like this forever. im feeling stuck and dont know what to do, and i can’t really talk to my parents because they are always busy and won’t understand.
You can be yourself here! It’s a judgement-free space. 
It must be tiring to pretend to be someone you’re not. Is there anyone in school that you’re close to? Or is this transition from primary to secondary school taking a toll on you?
No worries @anonymous136 please feel free to be your most genuine self here heh 
It’s never a good thing to hide your genuine self but I can understand how scary it can be to show your true self out to others 
However, I would encourage you to be yourself and over time you will find people that accept you for who you are 
Just remember we are here to listen 
Feel free to let off what ever steam you have left here hehe 
Hi @anonymous136,
Thank you for finding the courage to share about what you’re going through here. I hear how it’s affecting you and how distressing it gets (to the point of wanting to avoid people altogether), but your thoughts and feelings about your current situation is nonetheless valid.
I think your anxiety has a purpose here - I wonder if it is trying to protect you from being hurt/rejected/judged. It sounds like your anxious thoughts is looking out for you and leads you to have anticipatory anxiety to prepare yourself for a negative scenario. And as you become more (and more) vigilant, looking out for signs, etc., your body’s stress mechanism (kinda like the fight-or-flight response) is hijacked and responding way more than it should - that leads you to living a life that is not the way you want it to be (I wonder if this is what you mean by “I can’t be myself anywhere”) . However, some anxiety is normal and helpful still instead of seeing that any anxiety is bad or letting it snowball too much.
I also wanna commend you on wanting to do something about your situation by reaching out. I wonder what you’ve tried before to help you cope? I hear you about finding it difficult to talk to your parents, what about other close people or perhaps the school counsellor? And at the same time, we can do something about your anxious feelings and thoughts of worry by increasing your ability to handle distress - some of the ways to help calm your mind and body are through:
- deep breathing
- being mindful of the present
- checking if your thoughts are accurate & helpful: I hear you say “…have no one to share my struggles with” but can you truly not have anyone to share with? I think you’ve made that first step by coming on here to share
Hopefully, this helps build the courage within you to feel comfortable around people (which probably looks like starting small and slowly with people you feel safe with before moving on to others) and to live the life you want for yourself. Hope to hear more from you and remember that you deserve and can get the support you need! Take care! 