Is this normal for an almost 17year old to feel?

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
1

Sorry if this comes off as a rant but it isnt, i dont think.

Honestly, is it normal to feel down in the dumps all the time, like I can never feel happy, I want to be happy, but happiness always feels so fake and temporary, its something that i long for but when i have it, it stops when the moment is over. Instead i feel empty most of the time, like there’ a void in me, and when i dont feel empty, i feel sad, and sometimes even when i try to be better, something always drags me back and i feel like im drowning in my own emotions. Like I dont really want to die, I’m a little scared of whats after death, but the mental pain I feel always seems to drag me close.

Sometimes, theres so much going on in my head too. Everything weighs down, and just moving feels heavy, i always think of past mistakes i make, and no matter how small it is, it still seems to always dwell in my heart, when im interacting with people, a part of me is disgusted, the way i talk, the way i put myself out there, it makes me want to disappear, everything feels like its crushing me. And don’t get me wrong I want to interact with people, but its just so hard, every past mistake ive made, always seem to drag me down.

And all these thoughts I have, I know i can trust my friends, i know i can, but i cant, i want to, but something in me wont, so i keep bottling all my feelings up, waiting for me to break myself, over and over again, sitting in self doubt, insecurities, panic, telling myself that they all have harder lives,while im so incompetent,while I live a comfortable life,while people are working hard out there im nothing, someone useless, someone forgettable, the runner up. And this cycle keeps repeating, whenever i try to dig myself out of this hole, i always seem to fall deeper in my own self destruction. With this mental cage i placed myself into, with this brick wall I built around it. That I build thicker when something bad happens, no matter how small,yet somehow when something good happens, it never gets thinner.

I just want to feel better, but i feel trapped in my own mental hell. And I know theres people out there with lives so much harder then mine. But I cant help but feel trapped. Is this normal?

2

Hey friend, First off, good on you for being brave to put this up. and i hear you, it can be very overwhelming sometimes to feel all these things, and age has nothing to do with it, it is okay to feel this way at 17, the teenage years are the hardest to navigate. Please just know you are not useless, comparing yourself with your peers can be anxiety inducing, looking at how far they have gone, and feeling like you are stagnant, I know first hand how that feels, but please remember, it is important to ground yourself, and say to yourself, that you are running your own race, constantly looking at others’ achievements agaisnt your own will make you blind to your own progress. You’re doing great. keep going

3

Seems like you should get a Therapist so you can get professional advice on how to deal with your feelings of being trapped. Keep in mind that it takes a long of bravery and strength to admit you need such help and it’s admirable!

As for comparing yourself to others, there are multiple factors that can play a role in making you feel inferior to them.
First of all, you need to analyse what areas you’re comparing yourself to. If you’re solely scrolling through social media and reading about what others have achieved then you NEED to take everything and anything with a grain of salt. Remember that social media is a place that breeds toxicity and very rarely do people show their bad sides such their actions are easily manipulated.
Secondly, it’s crucial to recognize that everyone has their own struggles and challenges, even if they’re not always visible. Comparing yourself to others can often lead to more harm than good because it doesn’t take into account the unique circumstances and personal battles that each person faces. It’s easy to feel like you’re falling short when you’re measuring yourself against an idealized version of someone else’s life. It might help to focus on your own journey and set personal goals that are meaningful to you, rather than trying to measure up to someone else’s achievements or experiences. Celebrate your own progress, no matter how small it may seem, and try to be kind to yourself during difficult times.

Lastly, while being self-critical can sometimes serve as a form of motivation, it’s important to ensure that this mindset is constructive rather than punitive. Acknowledging that you may have a more comfortable life than others can indeed be a reminder not to take things for granted. However, it’s crucial to channel this awareness into positive action rather than harsh self-judgment.

Use this understanding to inspire gratitude and drive personal growth. Recognize that everyone’s circumstances are different, and while you might have certain advantages, it’s also essential to be kind to yourself and focus on how you can use your situation to contribute positively to your own life and the lives of others. Balancing self-reflection with self-compassion can lead to more meaningful progress and a healthier mindset.

Peace🗣️

4

Hey Buddy, First, i understand this must be really difficult for you to share and would like to commend your courage to do so. I hear you, it must have been overwhelming to feel and go through this tough time.

Comparison is the thief of joy, please know that you are not useless. Everyone walks a different path, and each have their struggles. Maybe try setting simple personal goals you can achieve, take baby steps and celebrate those small successes.

Also, i do recommend seeking professional advice from therapist on how to better manage the overwhelming feelings so you can feel better.

5

Hi @Anonymous410,

First of all, I want to say how strong it is of you to share what you’re going through. It’s not easy to express the kinds of feelings and thoughts you’ve shared here, but the fact that you’ve opened up is a huge step forward.

What you’re describing—feeling stuck in a cycle of emotional pain, self-doubt, and sadness—can be overwhelming. You’ve mentioned that you want to feel better, but every time you try to dig yourself out, something seems to pull you back in. That sense of being trapped in your own emotions is something many people go through, and it can feel like no matter what you do, you can’t break free from it.

It’s important to know that these feelings aren’t a sign of weakness or failure. They are a reflection of the heavy emotional load you’ve been carrying, and it makes sense that it would be difficult to pull yourself out alone. You’re already taking a huge step by sharing your experience here, which shows you have a deep desire to feel better.

You mentioned that happiness feels temporary or fake, and that you often feel empty inside. This feeling of emptiness can be incredibly difficult to deal with because it makes it hard to trust in the positive moments. It’s almost as if your mind has built a wall that blocks out the good feelings before they have a chance to settle in.

It’s important to remember that happiness doesn’t have to be constant to be real. Life is filled with moments of ups and downs, and it’s normal for happiness to come and go. The key is not to chase after the idea of permanent happiness, but to find meaning in the small, fleeting moments of joy—even if they don’t last long. It’s okay if those moments feel temporary; they still matter.

You’ve expressed feeling like you’re incompetent or useless because you compare yourself to others, and that comparison leaves you feeling like you’re falling short. As some of the other respondents mentioned, comparison is the thief of joy. It’s incredibly common to look at other people’s lives—especially through the lens of social media—and feel like you’re not measuring up. But remember, everyone is on their own path, with their own struggles, even if you don’t see them.

You are not running the same race as anyone else. Your journey is unique, and your progress matters, even if it doesn’t look the same as someone else’s. Every time you try to dig yourself out of this emotional hole, you’re taking steps forward, even if it doesn’t feel that way. Try to shift the focus back onto your own journey and acknowledge the small victories you’re making.

You mentioned that you want to trust your friends, but something is holding you back, causing you to bottle up your emotions instead. It’s understandable that you feel scared to open up, especially if you’ve been carrying these feelings for so long. But bottling everything up only leads to more emotional pressure, making you feel like you’re going to break over and over again.

Sharing what’s going on inside—even with just one trusted person—can relieve some of that pressure. It doesn’t mean you have to share everything all at once. Start small and take it at your own pace. And if you’re not ready to talk to friends, that’s okay too. You might want to consider talking to a therapist who can provide you with a safe, non-judgmental space to explore these emotions.

It sounds like you’ve been really hard on yourself, especially when it comes to feeling like you’re not enough or that you’re “useless.” But these are false beliefs that have built up over time. Feeling like you’re in a mental cage or trapped in your own self-doubt is incredibly common when we judge ourselves too harshly.

It’s important to remind yourself that your worth is not determined by your mistakes, nor by the comparisons you make to others. Every person has value, including you, and just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re any less deserving of love, care, and compassion.

You said you want to feel better, and that’s a great starting point. Here are a few steps that might help:

  • Small, Manageable Goals: Like XiL mentioned, try setting small personal goals that you can achieve. These don’t have to be major accomplishments. It could be something as simple as spending five minutes reflecting on your emotions or taking a short walk to clear your mind. Celebrate these small victories, because they’re signs of progress.
  • Talk to Someone: If you’re not ready to open up to your friends, you might want to consider seeing a therapist, as Nooboishi and XiL suggested. A professional can help you process your feelings in a way that feels safe and supportive. Therapy doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re strong enough to seek help.
  • Challenge Negative Thoughts: When those negative thoughts come up—whether it’s about your past mistakes or comparing yourself to others—try to pause and challenge them. Ask yourself if they’re really true. Often, we are our own worst critics, and these thoughts are not a reflection of reality.
  • Grounding Techniques: When you feel overwhelmed, try grounding techniques to bring yourself back to the present moment. This could be focusing on your breathing or naming five things you can see, touch, or hear around you. Grounding yourself can help interrupt the cycle of spiraling thoughts.

It’s easy to feel like you’re alone in this, but the truth is, many people go through what you’re describing. You’re not broken or beyond help—what you’re experiencing is part of the human condition, and there is a way through it. It might not happen overnight, but every small step you take to care for yourself matters.

Keep reaching out, keep moving forward, and remember that your feelings are valid, even when they’re hard to understand. You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. Take things one day at a time, and know that you’re worth the effort it takes to feel better.

Take care, and don’t hesitate to reach out if you need to talk more.