Feeling sad

[Rozumi]

Hello, I haven’t had the time to sit down and read through the updates until now. Its truly unfortunate what’s going on with your working situation and seems really tough on you. Have you found the opportunity to sit down and discuss with Lilly yet?

About long distance relationships, I don’t think you need to worry about whether they will last. I have some of my own friends who are in long distance relationship with someone else overseas, where they only get to meet their partner once a year, and they rant to me about it, so I know some of the experiences people in long distance relationships go through. My friend’s relationship has been going on for 2 years now so I’m sure as long as you both continuously find ways to spend time together even when you’re apart, there’s no need to worry that long distance relationships don’t last.

Wishing you well!

[Rozumi]

Hello, it’s really nice of you to take Lilly out for Mother’s day, I’m sure she really appreciated that!

At the part you mentioned this:
Then there is a montage of him with a big smile on his face. He’s walking with a smile, brushing his teeth with a smile, laying in bed sleepless with a smile, sitting at his desk at work with a smile, showing he’s in love. Then there are several montages of them together doing different things, including living together as a couple.

I’m curious to know, did you imagine you and Lilly one day doing the same, living harmoniously together?

I just want you to know, that it’s perfectly okay to let out your feelings and cry, it just means you feel really deeply about your loved ones, and it’s good to cry!

Giving you my best wishes as you continue to explore and discover more about your life together with Lilly.

[user5696]

Hello @Rozumi Yes, the working situation is tough, but I’ve been in tough spots before. My hope of course is we get funding to keep us going. That’s a long shot, but I have to keep hoping.

I did tell Lilly yesterday that I had a job interview in Southern California, but I don’t think she seriously thinks I will move out there. I may not even get the job, I may not be a fit for the company, etc. If I did get it, there are a lot of possibilities I would need to consider…I have house here, I have two children, well adults now. My daughter is 24 and my son is 21 and is in University. So much to consider if I were to get a job offer. And thank you for sharing your friends long distance relationships, I don’t know if I would be able to handle one, to be totally honest.

As far as the montage, not sure what triggered the emotions. I definitely think about Lilly all the time when we are apart, and she does bring a smile to my face. Although we’ve spent the night together many times, I’m not sure if she is ready, or if I am ready at that to live together. We are a lot alike, we are also culturally different, she likes to go out with her girlfriends and drink and do karaoke, that’s just not something I’m into. I came from a vastly different background. And I’ll just leave it there.

But, we also have a lot in common as well, and I’m working on that part for now

[Rozumi]

Hello, it sounds like you had a wonderful time with Lilly which is great to hear!

It’s great that you both took the time to enjoy each other’s company before you left for the trip

It’s so nice that she asked you to send photos of your trip! it’s a great way to start conversations, you could send 2 animals or objects facing each other and say " this made me think of you ", that’s the kind of picture I send to my partner all the time, haha.

In the event this doesn’t work out, it’s perfectly alright to take a step down from the dating world, there’s lots of people out there living fulfilled lives without a partner.

Regardless, I’ll be here tuning in for any more future updates

[Rozumi]

Hello, it’s nice that you did manage to speak to Lilly about your work situation. I understand that it’s really difficult to find a secure job nowadays with the tariffs and AI uprising.

I do think it’s hard for Lilly to accept the possibility of you moving away since you have recently travelled over to be with her. I don’t know what your job scope is, but maybe you could look for remote jobs that doesn’t need you to travel out?

It’s good to have differences in hobbies between you and Lilly, there’s no need to do every single thing together, though there needs to be a balance between spending time together and spending time apart on your own interests.

For what you mentioned about living together, there’s no need to rush into it. Take your time and pace, you could have Lilly stay for a few days if she’d like, then a week, then see if she’s ready to move in with you.

Wishing you all the best!

[user5696]

Well I’m here day two in SoCal, and have one more day here before I leave, but it feels like I’ve been here weeks. On Friday I interviewed with a company here in SoCal, and I think the impact of me getting a job and moving out here didn’t hit her until after I interviewed, which was half the day. I sent her details, and she didn’t return my texts or calls the whole day. Finally in the evening I texted her if she was upset with me, and she finally answered me she had been busy, but I’m sure she was upset by her one sentence responses.

I reassured her I wasn’t going to take the job if they offer it to me. It’s a huge company, with a campus of 10 buildings and 10,000 employees. Although the compensation package is excellent (better than my current one), I would just be a number and face in a sea of faces in this huge company. And to be totally honest, I really don’t want to pickup my life and move 400 miles away.

She texted me this morning that she wasn’t upset with me, and said she can’t wait for me to return. I will be leaving here on Monday morning, I really want to leave tomorrow, but I have family obligations tomorrow. I really, really miss her, I haven’t been able to sleep much thinking about her. I hope to get home soon so I can be with her again

[user5696]

I just want to make one final post, as I don’t know if or when I will have the time to post again. Well I have a pretty big update. Lilly wants to do a trial living together. I’ll admit, this was a pretty big surprise to me. A pleasant one, but still a surprise.

I have a son and daughter, my son is away attending University and is way too busy to care, but my 24 year old daughter is not happy. In her eyes, nobody can replace “Mom”, and I can’t blame her, because nobody can. And with Lily being 10 years younger than me, she doesn’t see that very favorably. And Lilly is such a different personality than my wife was, they couldn’t be more different. Anyway, I’ll get over that hurdle when I can.

Going back to moving in together, she wants to start with Friday through Monday’s. She keeps her apartment and stays with me. And if it works, she slowly transitions over the year, still keeping her apartment.

I admit, I’m totally excited, but still a little nervous, I didn’t expect this. I’m happy this is what she wants, but nervous to implement it. Spending weekends together where she brings (or I bring) a toothbrush and a change of clothes is one thing, but actually living together is not something I put a lot of thought into. I really thought this would be a fling and nothing more, but it seems to be evolving.

I didn’t want to hurt her feelings in anyway, so I said yes. We are going to officially start the process in June

[Moodini_6]

Hey @user5696 , thank you so much for the update , it’s really touching to read how things are evolving. and It’s clear how much you care, not just about Lily but also about your kids, and how you’re trying to navigate this new chapter with honesty and sensitivity.

I think it’s completely natural to feel both excited and nervous. you’re honoring something real that’s growing in its own way, and that takes courage.

and about your daughter - I hear you, it’s understandable that this is hard for her. as you said- no one can replace her mom, and it sounds like this step brings up a lot of emotions. Her response may not be about Lily personally, but more about the change and what it represents. with time, care, and continued love from you, there’s room for her to process things at her own pace.

Wishing you a smooth and meaningful transition
Thank you again for sharing

[Rotovap]

hi @user5696 ,

That is really good to learn that things are progressing in a positive direction between you and Lily.

Regarding your daughter, it is understandable for her to have strong feelings of this situation, so it is important to acknowledge her emotions and reassure her that nobody can replace her mom. Like what @Moodini_6 said, she may not be ready for the additional member in the family. It would take time for her to adjust. Maybe having an open conversation with her about your feelings and the reasons behind your decision could help her understand your perspective better.

I sincerely wish you all the best moving forward!

[user5696]

So I guess one more final update. Lilly has moved in on a temp trial period, she spent her first weekend from Friday until Sunday evening. I’ve learned more things about her than ever before, like I was completely mispronouncing her Chinese name…actually butchering it (Lilly is just a name she adopted because of said butchering of her actual name). I’m also getting more insight into her personality, and I’m sure she is getting the same with mine. I’m learning how compassionate she is and how sweet she is. But I’m also learning about young people in China and how they behave. Yesterday her daughter (who is in China) kept sending her selfies of herself pouting and making all kinds of expressions. Selfie after selfie, emoji after emoji. I asked her why her daughter was sending so many selfies with different expressions, and apparently she was trying to get her mother to send her money so she can buy an Apple Watch, LOL. Apparently, there is a huge selfie culture in China and this is how they communicate. And it’s pretty deep as this is how her daughter mainly communicates with her mother. She’ll send her mother videos of her doing weird hand and face expressions with emoji filters on full blast. I personally thought it was pretty strange. I asked Lily if she was going to send her daughter the money, and she said yes, I was about to question it, but I realized that it’s best I stay out of affairs between her and her daughter.

I have to say that I really, really miss her when she’s gone for the week. I feel lonely, I feel slightly depressed, and I can’t wait for the weekend to come. The days seem to drag when I’m without her and shoot by quickly when I am with her. She says she misses me, but I don’t think she misses me as much as I miss her. For her being single is normal while for me it’s lonely. We have completely different personalities, but so far we seem to get along fine.

So that’s all I have to report for now. Things are moving along so far, we haven’t had any fights or fallouts, I haven’t seen her exhibit anger or a bad temper. Let’s see what the future brings

[user5696]

This was really difficult for me to write. I must have started this post several times, abandoned it, then started again. So here it goes, best I can put in words.

After spending a lot more time with Lily, I’ve come to the conclusion that she’s just on a different wavelength than I am on. Some of it is cultural, some of it is our age difference, and much of it her past experiences being in an abusive marriage at a young age. Let me just get one thing out of the way…she is an amazing women and person. Compassionate and caring. Passionate and understanding. Patient. But I sense she doesn’t feel the same way I do. So let me explain.

When we are together, she is attentive, loving and fun to be with. But when she is away, she is all business. I don’t think she misses me the same way I miss her. I think one of the factors is she’s very beautiful, and constantly gets attention from men, so she knows moving on to another relationship would be easy. She’s also very focused on her career and making enough money to be completely independent. She also doesn’t feel the same loneliness I do. Which I’m not saying is a bad thing, but it’s her number one priority, even over our relationship. So when we are apart, she doesn’t really communicate. She might give a me a one word answer when I text her, sometimes she won’t answer me until the next day.

My wife on the other hand (rest her soul) missed me and longed for me when we were apart, even if it was for a short time. She always wanted to know how I was doing, messaged me and called me. But we were pretty much soulmates, something very hard to find, and once lost, probably will never be found again until you meet again in the next life…if there is an afterlife.

Anyway, I’m kind of rethinking my relationship with Lily. I really love her and enjoy every minute I spend with her, but I feel that she is going to eventually break my heart. The differences between us, how we think, what is important is just to vastly different. I don’t know what to do, I’m not really happy right now. The alternative is probably worse, no way I want to get back into the dating scene and starting from zero

[user5696]

Just letting everyone know, we are still together I know my last post seemed bleak, but I’m going to stick it out with Lily. She has absolutely no plans to break it off with me, I’ll just have to deal with and adapt to her relationship style. The alternative is being single and miserable, and she is just way too good a catch to just walk away from. That’s it for now folks

[user5696]

I should probably start a new thread on this, but I want to shift a little bit, and talk about a tragedy that occurred yesterday that has been very traumatic for me.

In 2017, I took possession of a female German Shepherd from my brother-in-law named Daisy. She’s an alpha female and was too aggressive for them to handle. She barked at guests, went after the pool guy as well as anyone that came on the property and they couldn’t handle her. Everyone was scared of her, including my wife who was alive at the time. Having owned and trained several German Shepherds in my lifetime, I made friends with her quickly. We grew to love each other, and in time my wife also grew to love her, treating her like her own child.

Over time, I was able to train Daisy to be obedient and make her less aggressive. She became the perfect family member, protective, but her aggression under control. The smartest dog I’ve ever owned.

We got her at almost age 4, and yesterday she was almost age 11. I won’t get into too much detail, but yesterday she suddenly wouldn’t eat, and as the day progressed, she was having trouble walking. She just laid in grass panting. My daughter and I put her in the car and took her to the vet, where I had to carry her inside, which wasn’t easy as she is almost 70 lbs. We then had to put her on a stretcher to take her into the exam room.

Long story short, the vet said there wasn’t much she could do, she believed Daisy may have a tumor in her liver, and the best option was putting her to sleep. After the vet left the room, Daisy began to search for my daughter and I, and we started to comfort her and pet her, and she then passed away on her own. She joined my dear departed wife in the next life.

It’s been more than I could bare. Her loss has hit me hard, putting a hole in my heart. I keep crying. So much so that I told Lily not to come this weekend so that my daughter and I could grieve.

When my daughter and I came home last night, it was to an empty yard. Daisy would usually wait behind the fence, but not last night. And in the morning, I woke up to Daisy’s empty bed and house on the deck outside my room.

2025 has just not been a good year for me. War breaking out in the Middle East, horrible economy, possible job loss, a relationship that is uncertain. And now the death of my best friend and protector. I just want to go under a rock and never come out

[Moodini_6]

Hi @user5696
I’m so sorry for your loss…
Daisy meant the world to you, and the bond you shared comes through in your words. I hope you and your daughter can find some comfort in each other right now.
It’s so hard to say goodbye …but I believe the love we carry stays with us- and I hope, with time, that love brings more peace than pain.

Sending you strength and hoping for gentler days ahead

[user5696]

Thank you very much @Moodini_6 for your kind words. We are still processing her loss. Although she was technically a pet and I got her for protection, she became more than that. She loved us with all her being, you could see it in her eyes.

The hole in my heart cannot be overstated. It’s going to take time to heal

[Rozumi]

Hey, it’s been a while and I got really busy on personal stuff but nice to know you’re still giving updates!

I’m glad you were able to spend a few days living together and seeing how it goes. When you mentioned about this part
When we are together, she is attentive, loving and fun to be with. But when she is away, she is all business.
I think it’s that she’s expressing her affection for you in a different way than you do. Hers could be more of prioritising blocks of time, so when she’s with you, she’s fully invested in spending time and being loving. While during her work time, she’s focused on working hard to get the financial stability she wants in life.

Everyone is unique, so we all having different ways of expressing our feelings and emotions. If you have concerns with wanting more connection when you’re apart, maybe you could suggest to her to message you during her work breaks? That way, during her working time she can focus on her work, while being there for you and chatting on breaks.

I believe communication is key for relationships, I’m sure she’d love to hear on how she can make you feel more loved when you are spending time apart.

[Rozumi]

Hey, I’m sorry for your loss, I’m sure daisy was well loved.

I’m sure daisy felt the comfort you gave her during her final moments, she was there for you through a lot of hardship and joyful moments, and perhaps when she goes to accompany your wife, she’ll let her know you’re doing better.

Take all the time you need to grieve, and cherish your moments.

Wishing you all the best in life ahead.

[user5696]

Thank you again @Rozumi for following the drama that is my life I’ve learned to navigate around the way she operates. She has her priorities and I’ve just accepted them, including the way she texts, which is mostly just one word responses or responses hours later. She wants to be independent, and that’s fine. As long as we spend quality time together, that is all that counts. And we are not married, and probably will never marry, I don’t think she wants to be strapped down by marriage. Plus I’m really not interested in getting remarried.

On another note, I was travelling earlier this week, and I saw this small Chinese shop and went in. They sell all kinds of stuff from Chinese trinkets, to pottery and Jewlery. The owner was this really nice older lady in her 60’s, and I asked her what is the best gift to give Lily, she asked me a few questions and then pointed to a decorative porcelain teapot set in red. She said that tea is a very important part of Chinese culture and it would show that I am interested in her culture. She told me how to present it to her (with two hands) and to tell her that when I saw the teapot set, it reminded me of her. She also told me to wrap in red or gold wrapping or put it in a red or gold gift bag. I’ll be giving it to her this coming Friday

[user5696]

Thank you, we are still trying to process the loss of Daisy. Whenever I walk to our deck where her house and bed are, I start tearing up. She meant a lot to me and my family

[user5696]

So wow, I have a big update. Very big. I met up with Lilly last night after not seeing her for almost two weeks. As I mentioned in my last post, I bought her a Chinese porcelain tea pot set, but I also gave her on the suggestion of the shop owner White Rabbit brand Chinese candies (Milk and Green Tea matcha flavors). The shop owner told me that they would bring her nostalgia as she would have probably grown up with this brand. And I have to say that every piece of advice and information she gave me was spot on

I had practiced for more than a week on how I would present the gifts to her, what I would say, and how I would say it. Of course I stumbled a bit when it came to execution, but everything worked out! I explained to her that when I saw the tea pot set, it made me think of her, and I was giving it to her from my heart. She absolutely loved it, and she absolutely loved the White Rabbit candies

But the best part was at the end of the evening, when she told me for the first time she loved me I thought I misheard her when she first said it, but she said it a second time. I have to say, it brought tears to my eyes. She loves me. I’m still trying to process this the next day. I can’t even say how happy this makes me feel. I want to cry…happy tears of course. I guess the next phase of our relationship is in my hands. I do love her to, BTW