I’m really glad to hear that you are getting some downtime and that you’re intentionally taking short walks to give your mind and body a chance to recover. That already tells me you’re trying to take care of yourself, even while things are hard.
About your thoughts drifting back to work, that’s actually very normal. When there are unresolved problems, especially ones that affect your sense of safety or competence, the mind keeps returning to them. It’s not because you’re doing something wrong. It’s because, somewhere inside, your system is still trying to find a way through.
What matters more isn’t stopping the thoughts entirely, but understanding what meaning those thoughts carry for you.
From what you shared, there’s a clear moment where things escalated:
When your boss asked for updates on the “unrealistic KPIs”, your body reacted immediately, you couldn’t finish your meal. That tells us something important. There’s a conflict sitting there that hasn’t been addressed yet, and your body picked it up before your mind could reason it through.
And because that fear wasn’t settled, other worries rushed in, your colleague leaving, and what it might mean if you don’t meet those KPIs. That piling up can feel overwhelming very quickly.
Before trying to push the thoughts away, it may help to slow down and look at this in steps:
First, recognise the fear.
Not “I shouldn’t feel this way,” but simply, “I’m afraid right now.”
Next, link the fear to the incident, not everything at once.
In this case, it seems tied to having to find a way to respond to KPIs that feel impossible. For now, you can set aside the label “unrealistic” and just ask, “What does solving this actually require?”
Then, gently question the thought “this is unrealistic.”
Where did that conclusion come from? Is there clarity on expectations, or are there gaps that need to be clarified? Sometimes uneasiness comes not from the task itself, but from not knowing what standard we’re truly being held to.
After that, bring it back to what “is” within your control:
What can you do based on your current skills and experience?
What can reasonably be achieved within your capacity right now?
From there, you can name what you can commit to, and also name where you need support or guidance. Asking for help here isn’t about lacking competence, it’s about coping. And right now, it sounds like the distress is less about ability, and more about being left to carry too much alone.
Finally, when you ask yourself, “What will I do next?”, it doesn’t have to be a big answer. Sometimes the next step is simply to seek clarity, or to express honestly that you’re struggling to cope and need direction.
For now, it’s okay if your walks don’t “clear” your thoughts completely. Even stepping away and allowing your body to settle a little is already helping, whether you feel it immediately or not.
You’re not failing at coping. You’re responding to a situation that genuinely asks a lot of you. We can take this one piece at a time, without rushing the answers.
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