Need advice with Toxic workplace

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I started this new work place this year in march. 2 months ago I was told that my probation will be extended due to not meeting my boss’s expectations and probation was extended by another 2 months till end of September. Initially, after receiving the news, it was very hard to cope but these past 2 weeks I had come to terms with it.

The toxicity started after I receive the probation extension news. I’ve been left out of meetings, not asked of my opinions or input during decision makings. I’ve been left out with future event plannings and all. It makes me feel that the extended probation is already a death sentence for me. I really tried not to think too much about it but it’s hard not to as I just gotten my BTO and renovation is on going, thus I need the money and I cannot afford to not have a job.

My other issue is that my 3 previous jobs before this one only lasted 1 year each, and now this current one is just 7 months which made my resume look very bad. I do not want to be called a job hopper but I feel like I am losing this job regardless by end of September…

What should I do? Should I start looking for a new job? Do you think that people would want to hire a person like me who seems to not able to keep a job for more than a year?

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Hi @Having.bad.days ,

Thank you for opening up and sharing what’s been going on. I can hear the frustration and fear you’re feeling right now—it sounds like you’re in a tough situation with a lot of uncertainty. Between the extended probation, the exclusion at work, and your financial responsibilities with your BTO and renovations, it makes total sense that this would be weighing heavily on you.

It was a huge blow to hear that your probation was extended. You’ve mentioned coming to terms with it, which shows how strong you’ve been through this. However, it sounds like what’s really hurting right now is the way you’re being treated since that decision was made. Feeling left out of meetings and decision-making is isolating and can make you feel like you’re not valued. Have you had a conversation with your boss or team about why you’ve been left out of these important discussions? Sometimes, there’s an opportunity to ask for feedback in a way that might help you understand if there’s a path to getting back into those conversations.

I can understand why you’d be worried about your employment history affecting how future employers might see you. But let’s take a step back and look at your work experience for what it really is. You’ve had three previous jobs, and while they lasted about a year each, that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You’ve gained experience across different companies, which shows you’re adaptable and willing to take on new challenges. I know it’s hard not to focus on how others might label you, but the narrative you tell about your experience matters. What have you learned from each of those roles? How did you grow?

Employers are looking for people who can bring value to their team, and your ability to handle transitions and adapt to different environments is a skill. If you do end up looking for another job, focus on how your experiences have made you more resilient and versatile.

Is It Time to Start Looking for a New Job?

It’s completely normal to be feeling torn about whether or not to start searching for a new job. On one hand, you need the financial stability, and on the other, it seems like your current workplace is becoming toxic. Here are some things you might want to consider as you make this decision:

  • Do you feel there’s a chance for things to improve at your current workplace? If you haven’t already, it might be helpful to have a direct conversation with your boss about your future and what steps you could take to meet expectations before the end of your probation. You might also want to ask for clarity about why you’ve been excluded from meetings or decisions.
  • Would you feel more secure with a backup plan? It’s never a bad idea to expand your perspective of how your past experiences stack up to add value to alternative businesses, even if you haven’t fully decided to leave. Having a broader perspective can help reduce the pressure and make you feel less trapped in your current role.

Managing the Stressful Thinking of Your Financial Situation

I can hear how important this job is for your financial stability right now, especially with the ongoing renovations. It might be helpful to break your thoughts down into smaller, more manageable pieces to reduce the stress. For example, you could:

  • Reach out to people in your personal network to explore other job options discreetly, just to see what’s out there.
  • Focus on one or two areas where you can ask for feedback or improvement at your current job.
  • Allow yourself the space to accept that some things may be out of your control right now, and that’s okay.

Final Thoughts

No matter what you decide, remember that your worth isn’t defined by one job or one period of uncertainty. It’s natural to feel anxious when things are unstable, but you’ve already shown resilience by coming to terms with the extended probation and reaching out for advice. Keep trusting yourself, and take it one step at a time. How would you feel about having a conversation with your boss about the meetings and your future at the company?

We are here to help you think through any next steps.

3

I really tried my hardest to communicate more and clarify things when I am unclear of my task. I also watched a lot of online tutorials to improve myself and make myself more efficient at work but it really feels that all of my efforts are for naught.

The thing is, the person causing the uncertainties are my boss. Like being left out from meetings and decision makings. the worse part is my boss is also the HR. There is no other way for me to talk to them anymore because it feels like they have already condemned me after giving me the probation extension… also even if I were to talk to them, it really feels like it’s too late. My death date is in less than 1.5 week’s time…

4

Hi @Having.bad.days ,

First, I want to acknowledge how much effort and determination you’ve shown in trying to improve yourself, from communicating more clearly to watching tutorials to be more efficient. It sounds like you’ve put in a lot of energy to meet the expectations of your role, and it’s incredibly disheartening to feel like all that effort hasn’t been recognized. I can hear how overwhelming it must feel right now, especially with the sense that your boss, who is also the HR, has already made a decision about your future.

I want to take a moment to hold space for how heavy this must feel. It’s not easy to keep pushing yourself when the environment seems so unresponsive to your efforts. However, I want to reaffirm that neither how people perceive you nor whether you continue working at this job determine your value. You’ve already shown resilience by trying to improve, and that speaks volumes about your ability to adapt and grow. It’s okay to feel exhausted and frustrated—these feelings are valid, and they don’t diminish the hard work you’ve put in.

1. Dealing with the Overwhelming Sense of Finality

I noticed you mentioned feeling like your “death date” is in less than 1.5 weeks. That sense of finality, of feeling like there’s no hope left, can make things seem a lot darker than they really are. When we’re overwhelmed, our minds can catastrophize the situation, making us feel like this is the end of the road. But I want to gently suggest that this job—while important—doesn’t define your future. If this role ends, it doesn’t mean your journey ends here. You still have the strength to move forward, and this experience, no matter how painful, is not a reflection of your abilities or potential.

2. Acknowledging Your Growth and Efforts

You’ve mentioned how much you’ve been working on yourself—that’s resilience. Even in a tough and uncertain environment, you’ve made efforts to grow. That shows you have the ability to adapt, and that’s something that will carry you far, whether it’s at this job or somewhere else. It’s easy to feel like all of your efforts are for nothing, especially when your boss is unresponsive, but your growth matters, even if it’s not immediately recognized.

3. Dealing with the Uncertainty from Your Boss

It sounds like the toughest part of this situation is not just the probation extension, but the way you’ve been left out of key decisions and meetings, and how your boss seems unreachable. That kind of exclusion can make anyone feel isolated and powerless. While it may feel like there’s no point in talking to them anymore, I wonder if it could still be worth expressing how you’ve been feeling. Even if the outcome doesn’t change, you deserve to be heard.

How would you feel about framing a conversation where you express the effort you’ve put into improving and ask for direct feedback on what could still be improved? Sometimes, even just putting it out there, without expecting a certain response, can be empowering because it shows that you’re advocating for yourself.

4. Easing the Pressure and Reducing Catastrophizing

When things feel overwhelming, our minds can go into overdrive, creating scenarios where everything feels like it’s crumbling. I hear the fear and anxiety in your words, and I want to remind you that even though this situation feels huge right now, you’ve faced difficult situations before and made it through. You have the resilience to keep going, even when things feel uncertain.

One thing that might help is to try and focus on the things that are within your control right now. You’ve been proactive in improving your skills, and that’s something you can continue doing, no matter what happens. Would it help to break down what feels most overwhelming and take it step by step? It’s okay to take small steps to reduce the sense of panic and give yourself space to breathe.

5. Looking Beyond This Job

While it’s hard not to fixate on the immediate situation, the experience you’ve gained, even in this challenging environment, is something you can take with you. You have shown tremendous grit in looking for self improvements, regardless of the outcome, you haev shown that you can perservere.

Have you considered quietly starting to look for other roles? Not because you’re giving up, but because it might give you some peace of mind to know that there are other possibilities.

Final Thought

Right now, it’s important to be kind to yourself. You’ve been doing your best, and while the situation might feel out of your hands, you still have the power to keep moving forward. Even if things don’t go as planned in this job, you’re not defined by one experience. You’ve got the strength to find your way through this, and you’re not alone in facing it.

How are you feeling about the idea of either having that conversation with your boss or starting to look for other opportunities? I’m here to support you through whatever comes next.

Take care of yourself, and remember that this is just one part of your journey.

5

Hello @Having.bad.days :wave:t2:! I’m sorry to hear your experience at work. I can see that you’re having a difficult time at work and its lowkey reasonable to feel overwhelmed and frightened about it. However, I would like to commend you for showing so much courage to “accept” your extended probation.

I understand how depressing it can be to be excluded from others especially when you’ve tried your best to prove yourself. Next, I know that you’ve been changing jobs and you’re worried that moving on to the next job you’ll be questioned by employers but there are possibilities where companies recognise that things do not always work out and I believe they would understand and feel that one’s experience, long or short, is more important. Side note, I didn’t stay long at every job either, or rather, I always applied for different jobs (job scope/career).

Perhaps you could start looking for a new job first and only quit when you’ve secured the job (since you’ve a BTO to pay for). I wish you all the best and don’t forget to take care of yourself (mentally and physically). If you ever need to talk to someone, feel free to pour them here :heart_hands:

6

It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of stress, both personally and professionally, and that can be overwhelming. The situation at work, with the probation extension and being excluded from important discussions, can definitely feel like a signal that your time there may be coming to an end. Here are a few things to consider:

  1. Start Exploring New Opportunities: It might be a good idea to quietly start looking for other job opportunities while you’re still employed. This can give you some peace of mind knowing that you’re not waiting for the worst to happen. Even if your current job situation improves, you’ll have options lined up.

  2. Address the “Job Hopper” Concern: It’s understandable to worry about how your work history might look to future employers. The key is how you present it. You can frame your previous experiences as seeking out opportunities that allow for growth and challenge, or explain that you left certain roles due to mismatches in company culture or role expectations. If you highlight the skills and achievements you gained at each job, it can help offset any concerns about shorter tenures.

  3. Focus on Performance: Even though you’re feeling excluded, try to focus on doing your best in the tasks you do have control over. Show initiative in your work, and keep a positive attitude, as that can leave a lasting impression. If things improve and you’re able to stay, you want to position yourself as someone who overcame a tough probation period.

  4. Network: This is a good time to tap into your professional network. Sometimes, a new opportunity can come from someone who knows your value beyond just looking at your resume. Networking can also provide support and perspective during this difficult time.

  5. Consider a Discussion with Your Boss: If you feel it’s possible, you could have an open conversation with your boss about your probation. Ask for specific feedback and areas where you can improve. This might give you clearer goals to work toward in the final probation month and potentially shift their view of your performance.

Balancing your personal and financial responsibilities with the uncertainty at work is tough, but by planning ahead and exploring new options, you can give yourself more security.

7

Thank you for your word of advice. The thing is, it’s not about me quitting but more of my job may be firing me. By the end of this month (which is in 6 working day time), I will know if will I get fired by this job or not… my intentions is to find a new job only when I have the confirmed news, I do not wish to find a new job if my current one allows me to stay (at least having a year of working experience here is better than less than a year)…

1 Like
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Actually I really am trying my best to stay positive as much as possible and that is why I still keep trying to learn as much as possible despite the people around me showing hostility towards me.

Although I am financially unstable at the moment, I am thinking of taking a short break after not being employed. During this short break, I’m intending to do some freelancing or learn some skills to sell some crafts stuff, etc to at least earn a little for meal $$… maybe only start finding 9-5 jobs again once my mental state is stable…

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Hello @having.bad.days! While we wait for the news, you can shortlist some potential jobs first. In any case, if things don’t go well touching all the wood for you, you can start sending out your resume and prepare yourself for the interview rather than getting fired and then going for a job hunt. You can see the job hunt as beneficial (at least you’re ready for the worst) or non-beneficial (you stayed at your current job). There’s no way we can predict what will happen, but we can prepare ourselves for it. Think about it this weekend or a few days before the announcement comes out and “prepare” for the worst.

Fighting !! :muscle:t2: