Friend issue

my friend of 2 years just sent me a long message explaining that she doesn’t want to be best friends with me anymore, but doesn’t tell me the reason. Today at school, she tried to avoid me and even ate recess with her other friend, and left me in the class. I’m quite mad, to be honest, i feel that she should at least be grateful that i chose to be her friend, but she still cut all ties with me. I’ve treated her to drinks before, helped her with her stuff and her studies, listen to her rants. I’ve sucked up my emotions when i see her so that i won’t be too gloomy in the morning and affect her mood too, i’ve helped her through everything, even when she had social anxiety and didn’t want to order her own food or do her own stuff, i helped her order food and ask people questions on behalf of her. We haven’t talked in the past 2 days cause of sec 3 camp, but when i texted her after camp, she suddenly became very dry and just suddenly got angry at me for no apparent reason? I feel that she is taking my relationship and the time i spent on her for granted. I have no more close friends in my class but i know i need another friend for my pe lessons as i usually need to pair with someone and idw to seem like a loner. everybody else has friends already. :frowning:


Hmmm wah its never easy suddenly losing a logn term relationship with anyone and it must feel really horrible now to have it happen to anyone :disappointed_relieved:

Do you mind sharing more context as in what were the main reasons in the message that your friend sent ? It’s okay if you don’t want to just that it would help us better understand the situation :slight_smile:

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You seem to be a really nice and supportive friend @tiredmentally. It must suck to receive that message from her.

Maybe she’s going through a rough patch too but it might be worth observing the situation for a couple of days and see if she’s really determined to cut ties?

Besides her, is there anyone else that you’re close to too?

thank you for your response :slight_smile: I do have some friends but they are already closer with their friends from other classes, or have their own friend group within the class. Sometimes during pe lessons i dont really have anyone to talk to while we wait for the teacher, while the rest are talking amongst themselves, i feel stupid in those instances, unloved, and honestly a bit embarassed :frowning:

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i’m not really sure if i understood 100% of her message but she mainly said:

  • she wants to be frends with everyone and not have a bias towards someone else (i think she was referring to me)
  • she doesnt want to try to match the energy of everyone she is friends with to ensure they’re all happy (didnt really understand how this portion affects my friendship with her so i was a little confused)
  • she doesnt want to have loose ties with someone else and have to feel bad for not being with them (i think she is referring to her friend that she has now, they probably got closer during camp and i think one main reasons she left me was so she could be with that friend)

I really do miss her though. Now at school, she completely ignores my presence, she looks away whenever we walk pass each other in the hall way, and when she was asking for help during bio practical, i answered her but she ignored me and went to ask another friend. I’m thinking of writing a long apology (if i ever hurt her)so that we can also fix misunderstandings between us on whatsapp (i think telling her about it face to face would make her uncomfortable) I’m hoping things would go back to normal, we would still talk, we could still laugh with each other and all

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That sucks @tiredmentally :pensive: I can totally imagine that scene and how heavy your heart must have been in that moment. I can’t think of why anyone would cut ties like this especially if y’all were close previously.

I think writing her that message might help but I’m not sure if it should be an apology - don’t think you did anything wrong. Hopefully with that message, y’all get to clear the air. Maybe she needs some time to adjust having another friend in her life and managing her existing friendships (ie you)

Hey there :slight_smile: I texted her ytd, and told her i think we should clear some misunderstandings we had. I also apologized in case i ever said something that could have hurt her (i can be a bit blunt with my words sometimes unknowingly). I also said that i hoped we wouldnt be too akward amongst each other but mentioned that i know she wants to be with another friend more, so i’m not pressuring ehr to be close friends like we were last time, but i just hoped that there wouldn’t be so much tension. Not sure if she did it sincerely or not but she did text back too, saying that she just thinks our personalities aren’t good for each other, and she just wants us to go on our own separate ways and will only talk to me if it’s relevant for CCA or class related projects. I ended off with “thanks for being my friend for the past 2 years” The closing statement actually gave me this sense of proper closure, so i’m glad we talked abt it. Honestly i agree with you, maybe i shouldn’t have apologized, cause it would make me appear clingy and i’m, scared she’ll take advantage of that. Also, the way she replies me made it seemed like our realtionship was pretty much one sided, which causes me to worry if i was too boring or failed to match her energy levels? But currently, i’m just focusing on my own relationships with other friends.
Sometimes, when she talks to my current friend (they’re table mates), i feel a sense of jealousy, or when she laughs or talks loudly with other classmates, i feel… betrayed and a huge jealousy towards her. What’s worse is that she and I know pretty much the same people, so since they’re close to her too, i’m no longer as close to them. I know i shouldn’t care about what happens to her now, or should be happy that she has friends, but for some reason… i do feel quite angry towards her. Is it normal? Honestly, i’m also scared that i’ll lose my friend to her as well :frowning:

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Hey @tiredmentally agreed with @Jaws I think writing a message to voice out your concerns in stead of it being an apology might be a good idea. At least you have extended the olive branch to her and got your message out :blush:

So in short try to control what you can bah heh what she chooses to do after reading might be up to her but how you choose to react is up to you :+1:


For now, i’ve placed my whatsapp chat with her as “archived” cause it still pains me to see it. Do yall have any other tips for me to let go and focus again? thanks for being so supportive and helpful yalls :smiley:


Hey good on you for taking initiative to reconcile ! :muscle: well when it comes to moving on from relationships/friendships I find working on myself helps. Like pursuing my interests in excersise or trying out new hobbies like model kit building :hammer_and_wrench: This allows me to meet new people too or reconnect with old friends who i usually dont speak to that share the same interests :slight_smile:

Hmm maybe can consider are somethings which you have been wanting to try out?


I’m glad you found closure!! Hopefully that helps you move on with life.

Maybe you’re not truly angry at her. Your anger seems to come from the fear of losing your other friends. I think it’s normal to feel this way because we’re social creatures and we kinda need friends to support us through our ups and downs.

I feel like friendship is not a zero sum game. Just because your friends are now closer to her doesn’t mean they’ll be less close to you. And it’s also not a competition. Maybe you can focus on building your relationship with the other friends - when you get the chance can try to suggest for them to try something new and pair up with you for the next PE class instead. Do that a few times with different friends and see which one vibes better.

I’d focus on my hobbies - was fully immersed in my basketball trainings back in school so I’d channel all my energy there haha. Basically do things that make you happy. Friends are important but so is taking care of yourself. :smiling_face::smiling_face:


Hello @tiredmentally. I’m sorry to hear about the difficult situation with your friend. It’s understandable that you feel hurt and frustrated, given the effort and support you’ve invested in the friendship. To let go and refocus, consider creating some emotional distance by keeping the chat archived. Engage in activities that bring you joy, spend time with other classmates during PE, and focus on self-care. Remember that your worth isn’t defined by one friendship, and you deserve relationships that are mutually respectful. If needed, seek support from a trusted adult or counselor to navigate this challenging time. Take care, :orange_heart: