It’s true how anxiety and depressive/negative thoughts can be so debilitating.
It’s my holidays now and for 2 months I’ve had such low esteem and my inner-sabotage constantly got the better of me. Honestly, its really strange. Since Upper-Sec or as far back as I can recall, school holidays were never the best time for me. Strangely, I would feel incredibly lost and just lazy. If you can call it there, I lack the motivation to really do anything. I wish I took care of myself better or I wished I had my self-love to do so.
I can’t really pinpoint why I feel this way, is it because of the lack of schedule, lack of a productive purpose (one that society tells us we have to be a part of) or is it just because I have nothing that is distracting me from my deepest darkest thoughts?
I genuinely cannot keep feeling this way, I am so sick and tired of being so angry at the world, at myself and just sad and stuck. I think the worse thing about these emotions/thoughts is that it can make you feel so worthless that you convince yourself it’s better to stay at home, better to not meet your friends, or better just to wait it out. But it’s just not true.
I don’t really know how to much forward anymore, but I’m just trying my best to pull myself out of this, because I don’t want to feel this way much longer.
3 Likes
Hey there, thanks a lot for sharing. I am glad that you found this space safe enough to share your thoughts freely. Personally, I really relate to you when you said you could not quite identify why you feel this way. For me, spiralling in this thought of not knowing what I am feeling, or how to get out of it, makes things feel way worse. Things would only start getting better when school resumed, i.e. I was obliged to be busy with school and all. But I feel you and I hear you, it can feel so lonely and helpless at times. And I am happy that you reached out to seek solutions – it shows the effort you are putting in to get yourself out of things which I really admire, and failed to do so when I was younger.
You mentioned that you lack the motivation to do anything, what do you wish to do, and how do you wish you could take care of yourself better?
I am also just wondering who knows what you are going through? For me, talking to a couple of friends help. I know it feels counter-intuitive and to some extent uncomfortable when you are feeling unworthy. For me, it helped a lot hearing from my friends what I needed to hear, affirmation that I was doing okay. I hope that you will be able to hear the words you so very deserve to.
I always thought that as youths we face a lot of societal pressure or peer pressure. You are doing great and I hope you know that you are never alone 
1 Like
Hi @figuringitout,
Firstly, I am so sorry for the delay in responding to your post. We have had many posts on this forum and we needed some time to sieve through and respond to each one, and I thank you for your patience!
I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve been experiencing such a challenging time during your holidays. I want to assure you that it is entirely normal for anxious thoughts and depressive thoughts to affect your motivation and self-esteem, especially when you’re feeling lost and lacking a sense of purpose. I want you to know that you’re not alone in these feelings, and I’m here to support you.
I want to encourage you that even though we may not be able to pinpoint the exact cause or factor for these low feelings, I am proud of you for having the self-awareness to know how you’re feeling and to be authentic enough to share it on this platform. I commend you for being so brave and real, it takes a lot of courage to share what you did.
Sometimes our thoughts can be so negative that it can cause us to doubt ourselves and make us feel low and maybe almost feel like we’re losing the inner battle, and I acknowledge that it can be difficult to pull ourselves out of this seemingly deep and dark hole that never ends.
I encourage you to take some time to try out these strategies below to help yourself (especially in those moments when you feel very overwhelmed!), and equip yourself with some tools for self-empowerment
-
Create a Structured Routine:
As you mentioned, the lack of schedule and a productive purpose can contribute to these feelings. How about trying to create a daily routine for yourself during your holidays? This routine doesn’t have to be overly ambitious; it can include simple tasks like setting regular wake-up and bedtime, allocating time for self-care activities (like drawing or taking a walk), and setting achievable goals for the day. When you have a routine, it can provide a sense of stability and accomplishment, helping to counteract the feelings of laziness and lack of motivation.
-
Practice Self-Compassion and Seek Support:
It’s okay to have challenging moments and emotions - everyone does. But please do be kind and patient with yourself during this time. You mentioned a desire for self-love, and you know, that actually starts with self-compassion Try to reach out to supportive friends or family members and share your feelings with them. Sometimes, just talking about what you’re going through can help you feel supported and help you feel less alone. You can also try this activity to help practice kindness to yourself: https://mindline.sg/youth/?wysa_tool_id=be_kind
On a side note, if you find that these negative emotions persist and significantly impact your daily life, I encourage you to speak to a mental health professional who can provide you with additional tools and strategies and support you through this season.
I can see that you don’t want to feel this way any longer and you’re really trying your best to pull yourself out of it - and I applaud your efforts. Remember that healing and progress can take time, and it’s okay to seek help and support along the way. You have the strength to overcome these challenges, and I’m here to support you throughout your journey to a happier, healthier and stronger self.
Let us know how things are for you and what are some steps that you’ve tried recently? I look forward to hearing your updates!