Feelings and perception of others

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
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Why do I worry about how people would feel or think about me if I tell them how certain situations makes me feel?

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Dear @Matchastrawberry

Thank you for being open. It takes a lot of courage to reflect. It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of emotional weight, especially about how others might perceive your feelings. That’s completely human. Many of us struggle with this — wanting to be understood, yet fearing judgment or rejection if we show vulnerability. So let’s gently unpack this together.

Why you might worry about others’ reactions:

  1. You care.
    You might be deeply empathetic and don’t want to burden others or cause discomfort. This is a beautiful trait — it shows emotional intelligence. But it can also make it hard to prioritise your own emotional needs.

  2. Fear of rejection or misunderstanding.
    If you’ve ever been dismissed or misunderstood before when you opened up, it’s natural to build up emotional “armor.” You might fear that being vulnerable could lead to hurt or loss.

  3. Internalised self-doubt.
    Sometimes we believe our feelings aren’t valid enough, or we assume others won’t take them seriously. This isn’t true — your feelings are valid, no matter what.

  4. High self-expectations.
    You might feel like you “should” be able to handle things without needing to talk about them. But emotional openness isn’t a weakness; it’s strength in action.

Ways to start feeling better about yourself:

  1. Name one thing you like about yourself today.
    Not something big. Just one small quality — maybe you’re thoughtful, or you noticed someone else was feeling down. Small wins build self-worth over time.

  2. Try expressing feelings in a low-pressure way.
    You don’t have to start with deep talks. Try journaling, voice notes to yourself, or texting a friend something like:
    “Hey, I’m not sure how to say this, but I’ve been sitting with a feeling, and I just want to share it.”
    Practicing expression builds confidence.

  3. Reframe your empathy.
    That worry about what others think? It’s a sign you care. Instead of seeing it as anxiety, try to recognize it as compassion — and remind yourself that compassion includes yourself too.

  4. Talk to yourself like you would a close friend.
    You’d never tell a friend, “Don’t share how you feel, they’ll think less of you.” You’d encourage them. So try that same gentleness with your inner voice.

  5. Find small acts that reinforce your worth.
    These might include:

    • Making your favorite drink and enjoying it slowly.
    • Re-watching a comfort show.
    • Saying no when something doesn’t feel right.
    • Writing a sticky note: “It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to speak.”

Lastly, you don’t need to be anyone else to be enough. If people truly care, they want to know how you’re feeling — not just the polished parts, but the real ones too.

Do reach out when you need to. You’re not alone in this. :yellow_heart:

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It’s completely understandable to feel this way. Many people worry about how others will react when they express their emotions—it’s often tied to a fear of judgment, rejection, or being misunderstood.

You might be naturally empathetic, which makes you more aware of how your words impact others. Or maybe past experiences have made you cautious about opening up. Sometimes, we hold back because we don’t want to seem like a burden or cause discomfort.

But your feelings matter, and expressing them is important. The right people will want to understand and support you. If this is something you struggle with, you could start by sharing with someone you trust or journaling to build confidence in expressing yourself.

You deserve to be heard. :blue_heart:

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You might be afraid of how their impression of you might change. But may I remind you that you are only responsible for how you feel and when you communicate the discomfort or anger or hurt, you are being vulnerable and you give them the opportunity to respond. They can respond in love or in retaliation, but that’s not in your control… it is healthy to voice how situations make you feel, but be ready for their reaction. You often feel better and it gets better with practice. The right people will care about how you feel and respond in a way that you can accept <3