I gave love and support, and my energy to a guy whom I cared about very much and wanted to show them that they are deserving of love. We shared mutual romantic feelings but did not turn it into an official relationship during the three months we were together. He initiated the break because he found that he isn’t in the right state to be in a relationship although he tried. We are still on talking terms as good friends as of now, and I still plan to continue showing him the same support and care.
He holds a lot of self-hatred within himself and issues that stem from his insecurities. In the beginning, he had already stated his flaws. I told him that I will accept him for who he is, and I followed through it till the end of it all. On the other hand, he tried his best to reciprocate even though, in his words, he is “very selfish with his time and love because he feels like he gave too much of it out to others in the past”, and is coping with depression as well. Thus, I was not dependent on him for my emotional needs, and received it from the time spent with my friends instead which was enough for me.
I knew what I was getting into since the beginning, so this is my fault as well. While I was subconsciously clinging onto this growing attachment with someone who was not ready to commit, I was being selfish too. Over time, I realised that while I gave myself selflessly, I also needed more reciprocity and emotional balance. This experience was also a lesson for me. To have more self-respect and self-love when I am getting into any type of relationship with someone else. To learn the importance of reciprocation without viewing it as a form of transaction, but as a natural flow of care.
