I have a colleague at work whom I consider my work bestie. Although we work in different departments, we would often have lunch together whenever our schedules allowed. A few months ago, we signed up for a fitness package. While we never actually said that we must always go together, she was the main reason I signed up for the membership in the first place. I wanted to spend more time with her because she always seemed to be busy with work. That was all.
There was a period when she went overseas and I was unwell, so naturally our sessions came to a halt. Yesterday, while heading out for lunch, I saw her at the gym by herself. The sight triggered a deep sense of disappointment. Someone who used to tell me where she was going for lunch now seems to quietly disappear without a word. It made me feel that something had shifted between us.
I had the impulse to confront her on the spot about it. However, after taking some time to process my feelings, I realised that she may simply want personal space or time to herself. I cannot fault her for that. In fact, what upset me was not that she went on her own, but that she chose to hide it from me. She knew that I was waiting for her. (I have hinted several times and created opportunities for us to resume going to the sessions together, but her responses have often felt patronising).
Her past words of “You can hit me up anytime” suddenly felt like a slap in the face. She is aware that I have been going through a difficult period, which only made the situation sting more. Even then, I found myself trying to come up with explanations on her behalf. Perhaps she kept it from me because she did not want to pressure me, or because she thought I needed time to focus on myself. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but it did little to ease the disappointment I felt.
I considered her a close friend at work. I shared parts of my life with her, prioritised spending time with her, and even found myself in conflict with other colleagues because I chose to invest in that friendship. Given all of that, I cannot help but feel hurt and disappointed by what feels like a lack of reciprocity. Is this normal, or am I just too attached to this friendship? I cannot imagine myself speaking to her face-to-face about matters like these, especially when I know that her priority has always been work. At the same time, I do not want to let go of a friendship that I have carefully cultivated over the past year.
She still matters to me, as a colleague and a friend. I used to see her as my safe space - someone I truly trusted in the entire office and would have defended wholeheartedly. But I am now confused about how I should navigate this friendship moving forward. I do not want her to spend time with me out of obligation or reciprocity. If my presence is truly exhausting to her, I will accept that and give her space.
