A friend whom I thought was close to me has decided to leave the friendship. She initiated the friendship and was very nice in the beginning, for at least 3 years. Even becoming “sisters”. Then, she decided that i did not fulfil her idea of a sister and thus, disconnected me from being “her sister”. We continued to be (close). But at least in the last year, she started to distance herself further. Not communicating, not sharing. When i asked her about her life, she would snap at me telling me to respect her personal space and boundary. It was her birthday, i had ordered a cake intending to pass it to her as a surprise in the morning before work. But the day before, she told me that she would not go to work on her birthday. I had to tell her then about the cake and asked her how then, if i could just meet her in the morning to pass her the cake. The day ended badly because she said i texted her much and asking how she was spending the day. She retorted that it was her time off. That i intruded into her personal space. The conversation ended with if i do not respect her personal space, no point to be friends. She was not willing to understand me. If i do not meet her expectations, we will not be friends. I called her out to talk. The conversation went with us shouting at each other in the eatery. Where, she told me that she wanted to never be friends with me for a few years now. That was a crushing statement. So, who was this person i thought close to me, all this while, at least up to the last year? I struggle to grasp the reality of things. What really, is the point of holding on. I am not wanted anymore. Just because i do not meet expectations.
Hi sad_soul
I am sorry to hear about the loss of the friendship. Thank you for the courage to seek help. Friendship breakups are indeed very painful, especially since you once even shared a sisterhood in the past and were close friends.
Sadly, she had been distancing herself prior to the break up and this has left you hurt and confused till today as there was no clear reasons given by her for her pulling away and disconnecting from you. The last conversation was especially bitter and hurtful. Your feelings of grief, loss and abandonment are 100% valid and understandable.
Please hang in there. Sadly, it will take time for the pain to lessen and the loss to reduce its grip on you. I encourage you to speak to a counsellor who can help you process your thoughts, emotions and sensations in a safe, caring and non-judgmental space. If there are close family members you can confide in, reach out to them for support as you go through this grief cycle. You are not alone nor unwanted so don’t ever feel that way.
Meanwhile I encourage you can consider the following to soften the impact as you journey towards acceptance 
:
- People’s priorities and behaviours do change over time and that may have contributed to her decision to choose a pathway and a direction away from you.
- She may have an unrealistic expectations and idealized notion of what a “sister” should be.
- Good friendships are based on mutual understanding, give and take, open communication and respect. I encourage you to reflect if these were present in your relationship with her.
- While boundaries are important, it is a red flag if they become increasingly rigid, ad hoc and baseless.
I fully agree it’s difficult so take it one day at a time and slowly accept that the friendship has run its course, and it’s okay to move on.
Be kind to yourself, while you are grateful for the fond memories you have had with her, acknowledge that the chapter in your life has now closed, Gently let her go. Take care of yourself, exercise, sleep well, participate in enjoyable activities and hobbies, and spend time with loved ones.
Once you feel better, tap on this experience to learn and grow, identifying any patterns or areas for improvement in your relationships. Focus on nurturing other friendships and relationships where you feel valued and respected.
Remember, you 100% deserve to be treated with kindness and understanding.
Take care of yourself and keep moving forward one small step at a time!
it seems like your friend is going through something.
the whole cake thing suggests to me that she’s going through a period where she doesn’t want interaction with anyone. or is having intense mood swings. this could be depression (?).
i would firstly apologise for disrespecting their personal space (even if you didn’t) and say that it was not on purpose. then, get them calm by apologising for a bunch of stuff and explaining your reasoning while reiterating that that reasoning might have been wrong. [from my experience, that’s how you get through to them]
that’s all i can advise for now, but i think it’s a good first step. update us on how things progress 8D
ps. if you’re close to someone closer to her at present, talk to them first about her