honestly i don’t even know where to start because there’s just so much going on in my head and i don’t really know how to explain it. recently i’ve been feeling really anxious and scared for reasons i don’t always understand. sometimes i’m completely fine and can go about my day normally, but then the anxiety comes back and i start overthinking everything again. one of the things that scares me the most is how aware i’ve become of my own existence and consciousness. sometimes i start thinking about how i’m alive, how i can think and feel, and how reality even exists, and the more i think about it the more overwhelmed i become. sometimes i feel disconnected from myself or my surroundings and everything feels strange, and that makes me panic even more because i’m scared that i’m going crazy or that i’ll somehow lose myself. i used to be really scared that this feeling would never go away and that i’d be stuck feeling like this forever. it’s gotten a bit better recently, but i still get scared that it’ll come back, and sometimes i find myself constantly checking whether i feel normal or paying attention to my breathing, heartbeat and thoughts. it’s like even when i’m okay, a part of me is still waiting for something to go wrong. i hate that i can be perfectly fine one moment and then suddenly feel scared of my own thoughts. i’ve also been wondering if i’m bipolar because my feelings seem to change, but i honestly don’t know if i’m just overthinking or if there’s actually something wrong. i don’t really know how to deal with all of this, and sometimes i feel like i’m losing myself in my own head. the hardest part is that i don’t really feel comfortable talking to my parents about it because i feel like they don’t think my problems are real or serious enough, and i don’t want to tell them everything just to feel dismissed again. it makes me feel quite alone because i don’t know who i’m supposed to talk to about these things. i don’t even expect someone to magically fix everything for me, i just wish i could understand why i’m feeling this way and why my own thoughts can scare me so much. i want to be able to live normally without constantly worrying about my mind or being afraid that i’ll suddenly have a panic attack or lose control. sometimes i feel like i’m getting better, but other times i’m still scared and confused, and i honestly just needed somewhere to let all of this out because i’ve been keeping so much of it to myself.
Hi @Idk2 thank you for sharing something so personal, it really takes alot of courage, especially when you’ve been carrying it mostly alone!
It sounds like what you’re describing about the disconnection from yourself and the feeling that your surroundings aren’t quite real are both strongly linked to anxiety and this is actually something more common than people realise.. the constant monitoring of your breathing and heartbeat to check if you feel normal or not is also a classic anxiety pattern…
On the bipolar question, I would say the mood fluctuations alone don’t necessarily point to that as anxiety by itself can cause pretty dramatic shifts in how you feel too.. that said, this is a question worth exploring with a professional rather than trying to figure out on your own! You can always reach out to a school counsellor (if you are still schooling). if not, you can reach out to:
- Your nearest family service centre MSF | Directories
- Singapore Assiocation for Mental Health Singapore Association for Mental Health : Mental Wellness for All
but it’s expensive to consult professionals
For family service centre, it should be free or highly subsided if you are a Singaporean or PR! As for SAMH, their counselling service is free of charge / by donation only regardless of nationality as long as you are residing in Singapore!
I mean I really want to go consult a therapist but cause I’m only 17, most of them need parental guidance but my parents they don’t believe I actually have issues and think that I just think way too much and it can be solved easily no matter what I tell them
I hear your concern about parental guidance/consent @Idk2.. perhaps, you would want to check out: SHINE Mental Health Service | Shine
According to their page, youths aged 14 and above are able to access most of their services independently, including outreach, psychoeducation, mental health screening or assessment, without requiring caregiver’s consent except for BRYEA programmes. This seems like something that you may want to check out as a starter!
Also, school counsellor can be another channel for you to reach out if you are comfortable