Hi, I’ve been working for a few years after graduating from university but I’m unable to stay in a job. I’ve never been fired but I keep quitting because I feel like I’m underperforming or I’m just unable to fit-in in the workplace.
After reflecting here are some of the symptoms or reasons for my problem
Underdeveloped social skills: Ever since young, I’ve always placed too much emphasis on studying, I basically had no life outside of studying. I had to work really hard because I was not doing well academically early in life and financial hardships at home led me to think that getting good results will be my only way out. I did not have much trouble with making friends throughout my schooling years but all those friendships eventually all drifted away. I also didn’t have many friends, usually just one or two at each of my school stages. When I entered the working life, I think people felt that I was immature or childish. Often I felt like I was always laughed at by my colleagues and is always a target for gossip. I couldn’t quite narrow down as to why they might feel that way.
Don’t know how to collaborate, underdeveloped executive function?: At work, I don’t know how to collaborate with others. I would rather people tell me what to do and I will do it. I feel that I don’t have the social and critical thinking skills to negotiate or discuss problems in meetings. I also don’t know how to socialize, strategize next steps and move things forward at work.
Low self-esteem: I feel that the only reason why I managed to do well in O, A and at a local university was rote learning, memorization and pattern recognition. Why I felt this way is because I’m unable to think critically about work problems and need so much hand holding in tasks that are not well defined. This gave me so much imposter syndrome that I will just quit if I feel that I messed up at work.
Procrastination and some perfectionism: Procrastination was not so apparent in my first few jobs but I keep procrastinating on tasks because I feel like I don’t know enough about something or I felt that the approach was doomed from the start. This led me to drag tasks at work, and it’s not fair to my coworkers who have to pick up the slack. This guilt pushes me to think about quitting. This has gotten worse at my current job because I feel so burnt out when I’m stuck in this cycle, and I keep thinking about quitting my job.
Trouble with asking for help: I feel like I don’t ask enough questions because I don’t want to keep bothering people. I often do not think things through and ask them one shot, and I feel bad having to keep asking people all the time. I think there is a balance to this but I tend to not ask and would rather figure things out on my own. Often this makes me inefficient at completing anything.
I’m not sure what is wrong with me. I’ve fulfilled everything that was expected of me in school, I did well, got good results and jobs. In fact excellent jobs that would draw envy from most people. But I just could not keep them, every time I start a job, I feel like it’s a matter of time before people find out that I’m actually not as good as what my grades indicate. I feel that I’ve studied too hard and too long and I’m burning out operating at a level that I was never meant to be at. I’ve always toyed with just quitting my job and just finding a job requiring lower qualifications. In fact, I’ve tried applying for these jobs but I never got any replies. Currently, I’m in a position where I feel that I should quit my job, so as to not waste my colleagues or company’s time. Because I feel that I can’t perform at all or complete tasks.
All this is giving me so much dread, depression. Some days are better where I feel motivated but most days I feel so anxious and down. Work uncertainty has caused me to put everything else on hold (eg. planning vacations, finding a partner to settle down etc). I’m not sure what is exactly wrong with me, whether I have any underlying mental health issues.
