Loneliness at work and insecure attachment style

[Happie]

I was diagnosed with schizophernia-form and anxiety for a few years already. Recently i got retrenched from my ex-company and it took me 2 months to finally found a job. My current company is my third company. People here and work here are quite manageable but I always have the thoughts and feelings of emotions that I am not good enough. I am currently seeing a therapist but it felt like it is never enough. I feel supported and having someone being there to support me when i meet her, but afterwards I feel all alone again. I know I can always look for friends or my partner to talk about things, but it felt like friends are also busy with their lives too and it doesn’t lift the loneliness I have being feeling. And when my friends were too busy to hear me, I feel neglected and want to just shut down. I keep going in circles and repeating my problems as well.

I think my childhood trauma has played a part to my insecure feelings. 2th month into this job, I feel the urge to give up and quit again. I cannot seem to be able to find meaning and purpose in my job as I have no passion here. Back in my days, I will usually stick to just one friend to feel happy and that is enough for me to carry on with my day. But after entering the workforce, I can’t seem to find the that one friend that keeps me moving.

My therapist mentioned that it was due to me not feeling secure about myself. It felt like I cannot fit in, my skills and knowledge are not there as well and it makes me very demoralising and just want to give up. I talked to therapist, talk to my partner and friends but it just feel like my voice, my unhappiness is still there. Some people say money could be a source of motivation, which is sustainable and stable, compared to friends in a workforce which can changed anytime. However, I still cant feel any motivation as I don’t see money as important. My parents were so busy working for money that I feel is the main reason for the broken family of ours.

Can someone take my pain and loneliness away and advice why do I always want to quit my job every time I feel uncomfortable. Should I quit my job? Why can’t I be stable and how do I achieve this?

[CaringBee]

Hi Happie

Thank you for reaching out and the courage displayed by sharing your struggles and insecurities. Please take heart that you are human, as are all of us, and having insecurities, seeking social connection and a sense of purpose are fully normal, valid and understandable.
May I also say that feelings of loneliness, insecurity, and the urge to quit your job are common experiences for individuals dealing with mental health challenges, particularly those with a history of anxiety and schizophrenia-like symptoms.

(a)Here are some insights which may help you understand what you are going through:

Job Insecurity and Mental Health
I have observed that job insecurity can magnify feelings of anxiety and depression. When we feel insecure in our jobs, we are more likely to experience mental health issues, including anxiety and depression, which can lead to difficulties in concentration and motivation at work. This insecurity may also contribute to a cycle of feeling inadequate and wanting to quit when faced with discomfort.

Impact of Childhood Trauma
Childhood trauma can significantly affect self-esteem and feelings of worthiness. This background may contribute to your current feelings of not being “good enough” and can manifest in your professional life, leading to a lack of passion and purpose in your job.

Support Systems
I am glad that you have engaged a therapist and feel supported. Understandably, feelings of loneliness can persist outside these sessions. It’s important to recognize that friends and family may also be preoccupied with their own lives, which can leave you feeling isolated. Building a reliable support network is crucial, but it may take time to find those connections that feel fulfilling. Start small, such as joining a hobby group.

(b)May I encourage you to consider these strategies to enhance motivation and achieve greater satisfaction:

Therapy
Continue working with your therapist on strategies to build self-esteem and address feelings of inadequacy. Therapy can be effective in reshaping negative thought patterns and developing coping mechanisms for anxiety and job-related stress.

Finding Meaning in Work
Since you mentioned a lack of passion in your current role, consider exploring aspects of your job that you might enjoy or find meaningful.
Setting small, achievable goals can help create a sense of accomplishment and purpose, even in a job that doesn’t ignite your passion.

Work-Life Balance
Seek ways to balance work demands with personal interests and self-care.
Engaging in hobbies or activities outside of work can provide a sense of fulfillment and help mitigate feelings of loneliness.

Consider Job Flexibility
If possible, discuss flexible working arrangements with your employer. This could help you manage your mental health better while maintaining your job responsibilities.

Evaluate Job Fit
If feelings of wanting to quit persist, it may be worth evaluating whether this job aligns with your long-term goals and values. Sometimes, a change in environment can lead to improved mental health and job satisfaction.

Making the decision to quit a job should be based on a thorough evaluation of your mental health needs and career goals. If the work environment is consistently detrimental to your well-being and you feel no potential for growth or fulfillment, it might be worth considering a change.

However, do have a plan in place for what comes next, whether that’s another job, further education, or a break to focus on your mental health.

Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to continue seeking support while exploring ways to enhance your job satisfaction and personal fulfillment.
Remember, stability and fulfillment come from within. Focus on personal growth, self-care, and building a support network.