Hellhole fr

Hangouts Rants
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So, its o lvl year and i get it, stressful as hell. But recently i kinda lost my mind yea. I was feeling kinda shitty since ard the end of p4. Atp got addicted to watching shows and video games.

So before allat. Grades were great ngl, wasnt a top student but was close. Then p4 eoy. Screwed over. Grades clearly had a drop. Went from like A’s to B’s. Atp i was a bit shocked yah as still got study quite a bit. So was like a bit lost as to what to do. But then P5 started legit crashout and was like.

Damn my grades falling damn fast.
So I started to game a lot lah, and grades went even lower. Til Psle. Screwed up, didnt get what i wished for. And got beat up by parents. They did also beat me back in p5 and 4 whenever i did something stupid and my grades .

So moving onto sec sch. Sec 1. Repeat. Still a bit addicted. Grades kinda trash but could prob still pass. Then somewhere ard midst of sec 1. I found out abt arcade games. So i got damn addicted. Basically went to play everyday. And that was when i got caught by parents.

So what did 13 year old me decide to do? Run. At that time i was like. Didnt put in much thought. So i ran. The next day was a monday, so i went to sch. With a borrowed uniform and no bag :joy:. All was ok, til my parents went to my sch to look for me.

So i had a vry nice chat with the counseller, blah blah. Honestly. Thank god the counceller talked to me. Otherwise i might not be alive rn lol :skull:. I cried for hours upon hours, apologised to my parents. Who after this surprisingly changed their ways and stopped beating me abt my mistakes. And talked instead.

Ngl, this is a hella lot to read :skull:

So sec 2. Nt much happened up til june. Then i got back to my addiction. Went out and played essentially everyday. Welp. This time i wasnt caught. I stopped during dec hols (kinda) but then idk what heppened.
Quick recap. My grades were still shid and only got worse. Im talking passing 3 subjects or at most 4.

And sec 3. The addiction got bad to a point where i was skipping school. For MONTHS. It was til ard may? Or april. Which i got caught. School called my parents as to why i wasnt in that day. Parents called me. And i being stupid and 15. Ran once again. This time, for 3 days.

I crashed over at a friends, who told me abt this not being a good idea at all. I agree with him now looking back. So basically , cops were involved to search for me which they eventually did. I went back to sch, did a lot of incident reports. And apologised to the sch and my parents.

After this. I truly decided to stay clean and not go again. To raise my grades and study hard!!!. But i didnt know where to start. So instead of turning to the arcade. I turned to social media. Scrolling through posts, reels, shorts. Whatever. As long as it wasnt studying. I tried my best in school, to pay attention and not fall asleep during boring and dry lessons.

It worked for a bit. And i was fine. Or so i thought. Wa1, wa2 failed abt everythong, passing 2 subjects. So now i stand, as the clock ticks down to the first day of sch after the hols. I want to start again, differently this time. Truly. Yet, i dont know where, and how. And why im trying again.

Honestly, ive tried these seven or so years to try again, yet whenever i build something up, it crumbles, i try to seek for help, yet i drag myself back down. Even lower in fact.

Honestly, i wanted to kms a few years back. Lost, no hope, felt like shi. But now, i have thimgs i wanna achieve, tho i may not know how. I want to achieve them. But i dont know where to start.

Honestly, i dont expect much help here. I just wish to kinda voice out this and like. Hope someone doesnt end up doing the same dumb ■■■■ ive done.

Looking back, im hella idiotic and dont think before i make decisions. And I do hate myself :blush:. But what motivates me is the fact that. Even tho im kinda dense. (Prob as dense as tungsten :skull:) i wish to try and help someone in life as i believe someone out there definitely goes through a lot more than what I do. Altho id did also have hella lot of suicidal thoughts throughout P5 to Sec 3 ish. Ive begun to appreciate what i have enough to not take my own life yet.

But if someone can help me, id be willing to listen to your advice. Be it someone my age. Or someone with a lot more wisdom in life.

Id also like to mention that I have a bunch of idiots whom i call friends who also keep me going. Hey its not much, but its honest work. But what scares me is what happens after i absolutely flunk my o lvl.

Thanks for making it to the end btw :grinning:
And i apologise for any spelling errors ay :joy:

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Life is more chill in poly if u r studying something u like. Secondary school was the worse part of the education system. It gave me depression n suicidal thoughts

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Dear @Some0ne ,

Thank you for reaching out here to share your experiences with us. I’m sorry to hear that you had to experience a lot of pain and discomfort. :people_hugging: I’m really glad that you decided to embrace vulnerability and share with us so much. It was a pleasure reading your post. I got the chance to read about an amazing person with so many strengths and potential. :orange_heart:

I hope you’ll take a moment to appreciate yourself and see how far you have come. :clap:t4: :clap:t4:

Here is a quick list of your strengths based from what you’ve shared:

  1. Resilience: Despite academic setbacks and personal challenges, you have shown resilience by continuing to strive for improvement.

  2. Courage: You’ve demonstrated courage by openly sharing your experiences and seeking help when needed, despite facing difficult situations.

  3. Self-awareness: You have shown self-awareness by reflecting on your actions and decisions, which is important for personal growth.

  4. Desire for Change: You’ve acknowledged the need for change and expressed a willingness to try new approaches to improve your situation.

  5. Emotional Intelligence: You have shown emotional intelligence by recognising the impact of your actions on yourself and others, such as seeking help and apologising.

  6. Support-seeking: You’ve actively sought support from counselors, mentors, and friends, demonstrating an understanding of the importance of seeking help during tough times.

  7. Adaptability: Despite facing challenges like addiction and academic difficulties, you have shown adaptability by trying different strategies to improve your situation.

  8. Compassion: You’ve shown compassion towards yourself and others by acknowledging past mistakes and expressing a desire to learn and grow from them.

  9. Friendship and Support Network: You have a supportive network of friends who provide emotional support and encouragement, which is crucial during challenging times.

  10. Survival Skills: You’ve navigated challenging situations, such as running away and facing consequences, showing survival instincts and a willingness to confront difficult realities.

These strengths highlight your potential to overcome challenges and work towards achieving your goals. Building on these strengths can empower you to navigate future obstacles with resilience and determination. :grinning: There is nothing wrong with you. If anything is wrong it’s the strategy or lack of knowledge about how the body and brain work. These are skills that you can learn and grow with time.

Let’s learn a little bit about how addiction works and why it’s so strong. Many strong people have fallen into addiction too and have overcome it. For example:

  • Shawn Yue - A Hong Kong actor and singer who openly talked about his struggle with gaming addiction during his teenage years. He eventually managed to overcome it and has become successful in his career.

  • Ryan “Gootecks” Gutierrez - A well-known figure in the fighting game community, Ryan Gootecks struggled with gaming addiction before transitioning into a successful career as a content creator and esports personality.

  • Brandon Routh - Actor known for his role as Superman in “Superman Returns,” Brandon Routh has discussed his experiences with gaming addiction and how he managed to find a healthier balance in his life.

I’m confident you too can overcome these challenges and you may even be another name for us to quote in the future. :wink:

Understanding Addiction: Addiction means really liking something so much that it’s hard to stop doing it, even if it’s causing problems. For example, playing games or watching shows can be addicting because they’re designed to make us feel good quickly, like when we win a game or see something exciting happen. These activities give our brains a special feeling called dopamine, which makes us want to keep doing them.

When we’re stressed or something feels hard, like studying, games can seem much more fun and easy. It’s like they help us avoid the uncomfortable feelings we might have when we’re doing something difficult or not very exciting, like studying for a test. But in the long run, relying too much on games can make it harder to focus on important things like schoolwork.

It’s important to find a balance between having fun and taking care of responsibilities, like studying. That way, you can enjoy games and other activities without them getting in the way of what’s important for your future.

Here are some strategies for you to consider:

  • Self-Assessment: Start by honestly assessing the impact of gaming on your life. Reflect on how much time you spend gaming, how it affects your schoolwork, relationships, and overall well-being. Take a moment to think what will happen if you achieve your goals, how will life be? and what will happen if you don’t achieve your goals, how will life be?

  • Set Goals: Define clear and achievable goals for reducing gaming time or eliminating it altogether. Goals could include limiting gaming to a specific number of hours per day or week, or designating certain days as game-free.

  • Create a Schedule: Establish a structured daily routine that includes dedicated time for academics, hobbies, exercise, and social activities. Allocate specific times for studying and other productive activities to help fill the time previously spent gaming. Use an alarm or a friend to help you stay on schedule.

  • Identify Triggers: Recognise the situations or emotions that trigger the urge to play games. This could be stress, boredom, or even specific times of day. Once identified, brainstorm alternative activities or coping mechanisms to replace gaming during these times. It can be helpful to do 5 pushups or other physical activity when the urge to play the game comes.

  • Set Boundaries: Communicate your gaming goals and boundaries with friends and family. Ask for their support in encouraging healthier habits and respecting your decision to limit gaming.

  • Limit Access: If possible, limit access to gaming devices or remove games from your devices altogether. This can reduce the temptation to play impulsively. Switch on the wellbeing features on your phone to help reduce temptation.

  • Find Alternative Activities: Explore new hobbies or activities that you enjoy and that provide a sense of accomplishment or relaxation. This could include sports, creative pursuits, reading, or volunteering.

An important aspect of doing well academically is also improving your Executive Functioning Skills which are helpful cause they are important life skills too.

Executive functioning skills are like mental tools that help us handle our thoughts, feelings, and actions to reach our goals. These skills are super important for doing well in school because they help students:

  1. Plan and Organise: Use these skills to make a study plan, break big tasks into smaller parts (like making a schedule for exams), and get all the stuff they need for assignments ready.

  2. Start Tasks: These skills help students begin their work without waiting too long. It’s about deciding what’s most important and getting started on assignments or studying right away.

  3. Focus and Stay on Task: When you need to pay attention in class, concentrate while reading, or finish homework, these skills help you stay focused even if other things are happening around you.

  4. Handle Feelings and Stress: School can be stressful, especially during tests or when subjects are tough. These skills help manage feelings, stay calm under pressure, and deal with stress so you can keep working well.

  5. Switch Between Tasks: You might have to switch between different subjects or types of assignments. These skills let you change focus and adjust to new tasks easily.

  6. Track Progress: Use these skills to check how well you’re doing, find out where you need to do better, and change how you study to improve.

  7. Solve Problems and Think Clearly: These skills help with thinking things through and figuring out tricky problems. They also help understand hard stuff in school, solve problems, and come up with new ideas.

  8. Remember and Use Info: They help with remembering things for tests, using what you’ve learned in different ways, and applying ideas to new situations.

To get better at these skills, try setting goals, making schedules, using charts to stay organised, breaking tasks into smaller steps, and practicing mindfulness, deep breathing to stay focused and handle stress. When you improve these skills, it makes studying easier, helps manage time better, and keeps emotions in check, all of which can really boost how well you do in school.

I hope you’ll consider reaching out to your school counsellor again for support with learning study skills. If studying feels overwhelming, it might be helpful to explore whether there are any underlying learning difficulties, such as ADHD. Sometimes, these challenges are easier to identify as people get older compared to when they were younger.

Most importantly, remember to be kind to yourself and show yourself some love. You’re doing your best, and it’s normal to struggle with emotions during puberty because your brain is going through a lot of changes that can affect how you feel and react.

When you mentioned the physical punishment, it makes sense that you wanted to avoid studying if it often led to trouble with your parents. Your brain and body were probably trying to protect you from feeling unloved. As you get older, you’re starting to see that your parents were expressing their love in a different, though not helpful, way. It’s okay to work on improving your relationship with them when you’re ready.

Things are not the same, as you are not the same person you were a few years ago. Now, the difference is that you’re aiming to do well in life because it matters to you, not just to avoid trouble or please others. Focus on your own progress and growth, rather than comparing yourself to others. Practice having a growth mindset, where challenges are seen as chances to learn and become stronger. You got this and you’re not alone, we’re here for you too. :revolving_hearts:

I hope the above has been helpful and you don’t mind my long reply too. :wink:
If you’d like more resources or if there is anything else you’d like to share with us, please do. We’re here to listen to you, your feelings are valid and you matter! :grinning:

Take care,
Cool Breeze =)

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Thanks for the long reply, in fact i appreciate it a lot that you have spent your time to reply. Thank you for the kind words as well as advice. Although my road ahead will be long, i will definitely take this advice to heart. I sincerely thank you Breeze!

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I hope so :joy:. Thanks for the reply

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You’re most welcome @Some0ne. Everyone’s road ahead is long, it’s the journey of life. Be kind to yourself and go one step at a time. Wishing you the very best! :smiley: