I feel like Im bad at everything. I feel like becoming better at anything is an endless grind and I’ll just face more and more problems. I always thought to myself that everything will end anyway, so whats the point if im dead, everyone will forget eventually. I dont know how to enjoy life properly without worrying that I’ll be back to suicidal after mania. Feels like problems like academics and stress are going to crush me. I dont have any natural talent and I feel like I have ADHD. I despise that. I easily get jealous at people because they have a purpose and future, something which I don’t. I feel like my future is ■■■■■■… I’m worried that one day I’ll be dead because of this, even though I feel that death is peaceful.
Hey @foreverhorrible,
I read what you wrote, and what stood out wasn’t just stress. It felt like you’ve been slowly wearing down over time like every effort costs more than it gives back, and the future keeps adding weight. That kind of exhaustion is real.
You’re not only saying life is hard. You’re also saying you’re scared of where your mind goes when the pressure doesn’t let up, especially after those higher-energy periods. That fear matters. It suggests part of you wants things to stop spiralling, not to disappear.
Right now, your thoughts seem to be doing something very human when someone is overloaded pulling everything together. Academics, talent, purpose, how your brain works, your future, even death all of it collapsing into one judgment about you. When that happens, it can feel like there’s nowhere safe to stand.
For this moment, the most important question isn’t about fixing anything. It’s this: do you have someone you trust who can stay with you through this, so you’re not carrying it alone?
You mentioned worrying that one day you might die because of this. If that fear feels close even if you don’t plan to hurt yourself,it’s a sign you deserve support now, not only when things become unbearable.
If you’re in Singapore, you don’t have to decide anything big to reach out:
- SOS (1767) - if the thoughts feel heavy or scary
- National Mindline 1771 or WhatsApp +65 6669 1771 - if talking feels easier than trying to explain everything
- Or a school counsellor or trusted adult, even just to say: “I’m not coping, and I’m scared of where my thoughts go.”
You’re not weak for needing help with this. And you’re not broken because improvement feels like an endless grind right now. When someone is overloaded for too long, these kinds of thoughts can take over.
For now, it’s enough to slow things down and make sure you’re not holding this by yourself. If you want to reply, you can keep it small - when do the thoughts usually get most intense? Late nights, exams, comparisons, or being alone with your mind?
I’m not depressed now but maybe it’s because I’ll be later on… Thats what I’ve been thinking when I’m completely normal. I can’t be normal.
I always feel like I’m being led to a bear trap where happiness slowly dissolves and turns into unbearable sadness.
Hey @foreverhorrible ,
It doesn’t have to be that way. When you describe happiness feeling like a bear trap, it reads as someone who’s been hurt by the swing before because they’ve turned painful in the past. That kind of vigilance makes sense if you’ve lived through that cycle.
What you’re describing isn’t “not being normal.” It’s what happens when someone has learnt that emotional shifts can be sudden and brutal, so the body stays alert, even during good moments.
For now, it may help to notice this: you’re not actually saying “I want to die.”
You’re saying “I’m scared of losing control again.”
Those are different things, and the second one deserves care and support.
You don’t have to prove you’re depressed enough, or stable enough, to reach out. If the thought of that sadness returning feels this heavy, it’s already reason enough to talk to someone outside your head.
We don’t need to decide whether happiness is real or temporary right now.
It’s enough to slow down and make sure you’re not facing this alone. If you want to share, when you notice yourself bracing like this, what’s usually happening around you at the time?