I’m a deeply empathetic person. I find it hard to be around people who’ve hurt people who are close to me and I don’t know how to move forward. Sometimes I feel like my forgiveness and healing is dependent on where my family members are at in their journey. It keeps me tied up in a confusing bitterness that I don’t know how to deal with. Is this normal?
hello @pumpkinflowers 
! Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I do think that it’s human nature to hold grudges. It’s somewhat like an eye for an eye too. I understand it may not be healthy to think this way for a long run. It may be difficult but we try to let it go. However, I think it is fine to hold some grudges as well… furthermore, we are humans and we can’t tolerate everything (we have a limit). Some things you can think about before you hold those grudges
- Are they worth your energy to be “upset or angry” over those things?
- Do you think what they did was on purpose?
- Are these worth your time ?
Sharing my own experience, I used to hold lots of grudges against people who have hurt me before and sometimes I would return it to them , an eye for an eye. However, I have grew out of it reason being that it can be tiring and it’s not worth my time. In addition to that, I thought in another perspective of being a bigger person and felt that if this continues and I continue to hold grudges or revenge, it will never end (vicious cycle).
Personally, i dont forgive. I just dont come into contact again w the person n go on w my ĺife
Oooo can you share more what you mean when your forgiveness and healing is dependent on other’s journeys?
I think it’s most impt to make decisions and do actions that won’t drain you internally~
Hi pumpkin flowers,
Thank you for reaching out to share your struggles. I can see that you are a kind person who feels alot for people who are close to you. When “someone” hurts the one you are close to, you are upset and have difficulty to forgive the “someone”. It seems like you are stuck in the difficulty to forgive because your family members are involved.
I am not sure if you meant in your sharing that “people who hurt” and the “people who got hurt” are all your family members, and you are confused and don’t know how to deal with them. If I have interpreted your message wrongly please correct me.
Generally, if someone hurts your family member, definitely you can have a choice to walk away from them. However, if that “someone” is also one of your family members, then this certainly would make your decision challenging - “Who should I side and emphasise with” ?
It is definitely normal for someone who is trapped in situation like this to feel loss, confused, and angry.
Please share more details about your difficulty so we can explore some ways to help you.