i have emotionally immature parents who have both anger issues and violent tendencies. everytime I step back into my house, I feel super unsafe cos the house environment depends entirely on their mood. they have thrown things around the house before during arguments and I would just go to my room, panic and cry. if they are having a bad day, you can sense it immediately and they will exert their anger on me in a subtle but frustrating way. i have always played the role of a giver??? not too sure how to describe it. but since childhood my mother has always ranted to me about her problems non stop for even hours with 0 regard for mine. they always tell me that I can tell them anything, but whenever I tell them I need help, they shut me down immediately and say that “it is nothing” and does nothing at all to comfort me or help me, so how does that provide support in any way lol. i have long since stopped asking them for help when I feel overwhelmed, and since I was a kid it has just been hard. even though I have siblings, they are barely present in my life and every family gathering is about catching up with the parents and not really me. i feel invisible, unheard, unseen. whenever either of my parents have an explosive episode, one of them will approach me and tell me “oh (mother/father) is having a bad day, that’s why she’s like this” like hello?? I’m been having bad days and that does not excuse any of your behaviours. it is frustrating to say the least.
Oh man its not easy living in such a turbulent environment 
not sure whats the best way to help you but if you need a listening ear feel free to rant over her 
Hi @Mello,
Thank you for sharing your story—it sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot for a long time, and it’s understandable to feel frustrated and unseen. What you’re experiencing at home sounds overwhelming, and your feelings of fear, frustration, and invisibility are completely valid. It’s not easy to navigate an environment where emotions can feel unsafe or unpredictable.
You mentioned feeling like a “giver” in your family dynamic, and it sounds like that role has been exhausting for you, especially when your own emotional needs haven’t been met. It’s frustrating when you’re told you can share your feelings but are then dismissed or invalidated—it makes perfect sense why you’ve chosen to stop asking for help.
You’ve done a lot to cope already—finding ways to retreat and protect yourself during explosive moments shows resilience. Even though it feels like you’re navigating this on your own, your awareness of these patterns is a powerful first step toward breaking them.
Right now, it might help to start with small steps to reclaim a sense of safety and control. For example, when you feel overwhelmed, could you try grounding techniques like deep breathing, holding a comforting object, or focusing on the present moment? These practices might help reduce the immediate feelings of panic.
It’s okay to feel frustrated about the double standards with your parents—it’s not fair for their bad days to justify their behaviour while your emotions are dismissed. While it may not feel possible to change their actions, setting small emotional boundaries for yourself might give you some relief. For instance, could you limit how much you listen to their rants or gently redirect the conversation?
You are not invisible here, and your feelings are valid. Seeking support, whether from a trusted friend, teacher, or counsellor, could help create a space where you feel heard and understood. It’s okay to prioritise your well-being, even in a family dynamic that feels overwhelming.
You’re already showing incredible strength by recognising these patterns and reaching out for help—it’s not easy, but it’s a step toward creating the peace and validation you deserve. Continue to progress step by step, and remember that you’re not facing this alone.