I now have no problems getting to know a person’s past and letting them know my past, but i do struggle with what’s next after that to keep the friendship going? I used to keep joking w my old frens n i assume that was how i bond w ppl but i kinda lost that skill as my life isnt reaching back to average yet
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Hi @user1138,
I really appreciate your openness here. It sounds like you’re navigating some uncertainty around keeping friendships strong, especially when it comes to building bonds beyond just getting to know each other’s backgrounds. From what I read, it sounds like you are wanting to connect on a deeper level but feeling unsure about how to go about it? It’s clear that you care about these connections, and that’s an important strength to build on.
You mentioned feeling like you’ve lost some social skills, particularly around bonding through humor. Sometimes, when life throws big changes our way, it’s easy to feel a little disconnected from the things that once came naturally. What if, instead of focusing on how things used to be, we take a look at the strengths you bring to your friendships now? Maybe we could explore small, genuine ways to connect that don’t rely so much on what you feel you’ve “lost” but instead on who you are and the things you enjoy sharing today.
Building confidence in social settings can take a little time, but with practice, it often gets easier. Perhaps start with small steps—like trying to ask a friend about a new interest of theirs or sharing something simple but meaningful from your day. These smaller interactions can sometimes create the foundation for deeper, lasting bonds over time. It’s okay to take things one step at a time, and know that every connection you build adds value to both your life and theirs. Have patience and confidence with yourself, you will get there.
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Hi @user1138, just reflecting on how I kept my friendships going which might or might not work for you and just a suggestion:
- talk about past memories we had together
- do activities that we used to do
- try new activities/hobbies/learn a new skill together
- updates on our lives since we last met
- maybe engage in deep and intriguing questions about our life stages (as I’m growing up and going through adulting, i’ve reflected and asked my friends on our life purpose and others)
Hope it might spark some thoughts for you to move overcome this!
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I guess sometimes it’s about fate. Don’t need to overdo it. If y’all are fated to be friends, there will be naturally occurring conversations about things that you mutually like etc.
i feel that a part of what keeps friendships going is the chemistry between you and your friends. if you guys click well and have similar values and interests then its more likely that itll be easier to maintain the friendship. but of course communication plays a biggg part in it too. so here are some conversation tips that worked for me that you could try out:
- update each other on our lives no matter how big or small the updates are
- talk about other people in our lives (something like gossiping haha)
- talk about our struggles in life
- talk about our future goals
- talk about relationships
also, the conversations we have with our friends dont neccesarily have to be jokes or making your friends laugh, i think what matters more is that the conversations allow you to understand each other better, and help you feel closer and comfortable with your friend
hope this helps. take your time to explore what kind of communication works for you, you’ll do just fine
@user1138 I totally get where you’re coming from because I went through something similar. For a while, I felt like my social skills had just… disappeared. Looking back, I realised it wasn’t so much about losing the ability to connect, but more about being burnt out from work and just feeling too tired to keep up with conversations. That exhaustion made it harder to ask questions or stay engaged, and it left me feeling like I didn’t know how to keep friendships going. Perhaps you might need to figure out what happened to you?
What helped me was shifting how I approach conversations. Instead of focusing on “what’s next” or trying to keep things light with jokes, I started asking more about feelings—like, “How did that make you feel?” or “What’s been the highlight of your week so far?” It’s amazing how much deeper the conversations got, and it felt more meaningful for both of us.
It’s okay if you’re not in the same space you were before. Life happens, and sometimes we adapt in ways we don’t expect. Try experimenting with different ways to connect. Sometimes the smallest, most thoughtful question can make a big difference. You can do it!
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Hi @user1138,
It’s completely understandable to feel a bit lost when it comes to maintaining friendships, especially during challenging times. Reconnecting with people can be tough, and it’s natural to miss the humor and lightheartedness that once came easily to you.
Friendships can thrive on shared interests, experiences, or even just spending time together, even if you’re not joking around as much. It might help to engage in activities you enjoy or explore new interests together. Ultimately, being open and genuine about your feelings can also strengthen your connections. You’re not alone in this, and it’s great that you’re reflecting on how to keep those friendships going.