Idk but i feel friendships now are so easy to break off like there isnt a proper connections and people just fall apart like that i personally lost practically every friendship i made in secondary school like people are so easy to judge the moment they hear something about you they are gone idk im just so tired i want a genuine connection with people but it just doesnt seem to work out. Idk is it just me?
Hello user1373,
I am not sure what stage of life you’re at now - it’s perfectly okay if you don’t wish to share, either - but I agree that lasting friendships with genuine connections are difficult to come by. Over the last few years, I’ve come across more transactional relationships than not; it seems that such relationships cease to exist once the other party determines that I have nothing of value to offer them. This has made making new friendships especially difficult for me, since the other party is usually unwilling to engage further. For better or worse, I am no longer in contact with people from secondary school too. Our connection was only as strong as our physical proximity was back then, and we observed no common ground with which we could sustain this connection.
I hear that some people ceased to be your friend upon hearing something presumably negative about you. I am sorry that they would cut you off instead of checking in with you. Unfortunately some people may do what they deem to be most convenient for them, without regard for anything else – they must have thought that it would be far easier to just give up on being friends with you than take the time out to hear you out.
As much as friendships are great to have, I believe that it is important for you to be comfortable with yourself too. There can be a great joy from enjoying time which you have spent by yourself. Still, I wish that the both of us will meet the right people to be great friends with, however long this might take.
Wishing you good health and better days ahead!
Hi @user1373 , you’re so right about genuine connections being hard. I think this experience is more common than you imagine, so you are definitely not alone in this!
For me, I also lost touch with my secondary school friends, and find it harder and harder to get ahold of my current friends. At first it was frustrating, and I felt as though everyone doesn’t like me or is forgetting about me, but here are some things I learnt that helped me heal:
- Understanding that life happens, and it’s nobody’s fault. Sometimes life transitions happen, and after we get out of school, life moves at different paces for everybody. When transitions happen, it’s natural to be closer to people you see more in your daily life in school or at work, rather than old friends.
- Prioritising the friendships that serve you. I understand how draining it gets when you seem like the only one bothering to reach out and keep the connection, so after I tried pulling back a bit and focusing on my own life, I can see more clearly who are the friends that are beneficial for my personal growth in life and the ones I want to put in more effort to keep. It’s natural that as we grow older, our circles get tighter and smaller. That’s where the genuine connections are, and these do not slip away just because of baseless rumours.
- Focusing on what is within your control. You can control the amount of effort you put into keeping in touch, but it’s impossible to control how people react to you actions. Instead, it’s important to try, but also know when to quit before you burn out. Remember to prioritise yourself and listen to your gut.
hihi @user1373 , i totally agree with this! it is quite hard to maintain friendships especially when you get older, but i think its a very normal process that alot of people experience too. after all, as we grow older, we have different goals and directions in life. this is a big contrast to secondary school life where everyone had the same goal of studying well for o’levels. I’ve personally lost contact with some of my close sec school friends too, and while it is kinda sad, it can’t be helped because we are simply chasing our own goals in different directions.
right now I have about 4 close friends and I’m really grateful that they stuck with me after sec sch. and one important thing I’ve learnt from my friendship with them is that maintaining a friendship requires consistent effort in communication from both parties. its easy to say that we want to continue being friends, but alot of the times, we can get a lil to busy with life that we forget to check up on our friends. so yea, texting your friends occasionally is important, and it can be as simple as replying to their ig stories, asking about their exams, or asking them out for a meal or study date. this is just a lil tip that helped me maintain my friendships, i hope it helps 