Hello,
I recently came back from a trip with 6 of my secondary school friends and realised that I might have outgrown the friendship with 1 of them.
I’m in a dilemma currently if I should continue hanging out with the group for the sake of maintaining the peace? Or draw clearer boundaries and be more protective of my time - by hanging out only with people I’m proud to call friends?
Have you experienced something similar? What were some of your experiences traveling with a group of friends? And what do you value more - maintaining the peace or choosing a tribe that fits your vibe?
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Hi @indomiegoreng !
First of all, I’m so sorry for the delayed response on this forum, as we are still trying to go through every single post so we don’t miss them. Thank you for your patience!
I want to thank you for sharing your feelings here on this platform - I hear you, I understand that you feel stuck and you’re not sure if you should continue to spend time with your secondary school friends or draw the line.
I want to affirm your feelings and encourage you - that it is normal to have a shift in our relationships and friendships as time goes by. It’s a natural part of life, but it can also be a challenging situation to navigate. Sometimes people change, sometimes we ourselves change, or sometimes situations change. There could be many reasons why we drift apart or outgrow certain friendships, but I assure you that this is all a normal part of growth.
The dilemma you’re facing is a valid one, and I feel that it often comes down to finding the right balance between maintaining existing relationships and nurturing new ones that align better with your current values and interests.
Here are a few considerations that might help you make your decision:
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Communication:
Before making any decisions, consider having an open and honest conversation with the friend you feel you’ve outgrown. Perhaps you could share your feelings and concerns in a non-confrontational manner. For example, find a good time with your friend and start with “Can I have a short private chat with you? I’d like to share with you some of my feelings.” It’s possible that they might have similar feelings, or there might be room for understanding and growth in your relationship.
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Boundaries:
It’s truly important to prioritize your well-being and protect your time and energy. If you find that spending time with this particular friend consistently drains you or feels unfulfilling, it may be worth drawing clearer boundaries and focusing more on friendships that bring you joy and support your personal growth.
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Value Alignment:
It might be good to reflect on what you value most in your friendships and the kind of people you want to surround yourself with. Are these secondary school friendships still aligned with your current values and interests? Do they support you or are they on the same page as you? If not (and that’s actually perfectly okay because people will always have their own values and we can’t force them to have ours), it might be time to explore new connections that resonate better with who you are now.
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Travel Experiences:
Traveling with a group of friends can be a revealing experience as it often highlights compatibility and differences in a way that everyday life may not. You could spend time thinking and reflecting about what you learned from this trip about your friendships and what you truly enjoy in travel companions.
Ultimately, the choice between maintaining the peace within your existing group or seeking out a tribe that aligns better with your vibe is a personal one. It’s absolutely okay to prioritize your own happiness and well-being in friendships. Friendships should ideally be a source of support, growth, and joy. If you feel that a friendship is no longer serving these purposes, it may be time to explore new connections.
Last but not least, have you considered talking to the other friends in your group about your feelings? Sometimes, discussing your concerns with them can provide valuable insights and help you make a decision that’s right for you. I want to affirm you that it’s okay to evolve and change your social circle as you grow and develop as an individual - it’s perfectly normal.
Let us know your thoughts and how you’re coping now, we’ll be keen to hear from you again!
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