I am writing this as a diary, you may wish to leave this post as it is a very long and boring story.
It wasn’t really a rant to start with, and actually, my life wasn’t bad at all. I have parents, siblings, a job as source of income, some friends to meet once in a while, a semi healthy body which still functions as normal.
Seems like nothing to be sad about at night. Yet my mind just couldn’t stop feeling sadness as things change, people come and go. I have no choice but to accept everything. I know it is inevitable. I have to cope with the new changes and meet new people, but they are no longer the same as before, and it just feels so empty.
I wanted to talk to my friends but to realize that I don’t know what to say and there is no one that I can talk to, most of them are either too busy or they just drifted further as years goes by.
I used to have an online friend whom I had met in a karaoke app, we known each other by singing duets, eventually we became friends who confided with each other about our struggles in real life. Few years ago, when I was really depressed because I wasn’t happy in the previous job, just quitted part time studies and some friendship issues, he was the one who comforted me via messages. I had become kind of emotionally attached to him, even though we did not see each other in real life before.
Yet after a period of time, he became uncontactable, I was very depressed again but eventually accepted that online friendships never last and moved on. Then he came back again last year Jan 2023, we started having conversations and sing duets in the karaoke app like whet we have done in the past.
I’m not sure this should be called unexpectedly or expectedly, one day he just told me that he got sick of the messaging apps and doesn’t feel like chatting again. I understand his feeling and did not probe him further, then he became uncontactable again.
The only conclusion I could come out with is, he probably just treated me as a temporary diversion from his mundane life. I wouldn’t wish that he would come back again after his disappearance this time round. I could only laugh at my own naiveness in believing that friendships in any form will last. Even most of my old-time friends had drifted apart eventually after we took different paths after schooling days, let alone an online friend who I can only be dependent on the messaging app.
Yes, I’m still feeling sadness, but I understand different people have different life and choices, I wish them all the best, I wish myself well too.
Like online friends, I probably won’t be around this forum forever but I hope there will always be people here that you can rant too.