How the hell do I stop lying and get my life together

I am currently student about to take my O-Levels this year.
I am not doing well academically and yet I still try to convince myself and others that I can improve despite not doing anything to improve due to just escaping my problems and feelings through jumping to music or just watching Youtube.
I just get so sidetracked that I am physically incapable of just doing something that will benefit the future me.
I am now just scraping by just copying how other people answer with the person next me just being bad at his own work as well. I study last minute despite the multiple reminders that I need to study consistently beforehand. I even ■■■■■■■ cheat which I know is wrong but is the only way I can look good to everyone.

I don’t know how to solve my own situation. I don’t know how you guys can help me.
But my discipline is so horrendously bad that this might as well be worth a shot for salvation.

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Dear @ZA_Flyer

Thank you for opening up about your challenges with us. Your willingness to share is valued, and it shows strength and trust. Your feelings are valid and you matter. It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with your current academic situation. It’s understandable to feel this way, especially with the pressure of upcoming O-Levels and struggling academically. It sounds like it’s a difficult period for you.

From your sharing, what I also gather is that you’re someone really resilient and resourceful. Handling last-minute tasks takes a lot of energy and strength, and it’s a testament to your capabilities. You seem to have a high capacity to withstand stress, which sounds impressive. While relying on copying isn’t a sustainable learning strategy, it does highlight your ability to build connections with others that they allow you to copy from them. I believe you have many strengths that can be channeled more effectively. If you have the strength to deal with last-minute stress though highly uncomfortable you’ll most likely be able to deal with the discomfort of delaying your gratification too.

It’s very normal for teenagers to struggle with impulse control given that the brain is still developing. Doing well in examinations is a reflection of having good time management skills, executive functioning skills, and study strategies. These skills are all based on practice and can be learned and improved over time. I hope you’ll accept this frame of thought: grades are just a reflection of the current gap in your knowledge and skills. They’re not a reflection of your capability or self-worth. Consider reframing your mindset around grades as a measure of progress rather than self-worth. With support and dedication, you can improve your study habits and achieve success in a way that aligns with your true potential.

Here are some steps you can consider to help improve your situation:

Seek Support: Reach out to teachers or school counsellors for academic support and guidance. They can provide study tips, resources, and strategies to help you improve. They may also be able to check for any learning difficulties that may be hindering your ability to learn and stay focused. They may be able to guide you in uncovering the ‘thinking traps’ or ‘type of procrastination’ you are dealing with. Sometimes we find it difficult to study because the topic or the steps are too difficult and we don’t feel good on the inside so naturally, our body will prefer other activities that help us feel better about ourselves. Getting an understanding of why you’re avoiding the tasks can be helpful.

Limit Distractions: Minimise distractions during study sessions by creating a conducive environment. Turn off notifications, limit screen time for non-academic activities.

Use Time Management Techniques: Utilise time management techniques such as the Pomodoro Technique, where you work for a set period (e.g., 25 minutes) and then take a short break. Breaking study sessions into manageable intervals can boost productivity and reduce mental fatigue.

Practice Self-Discipline: Hold yourself accountable for your actions and commitments. Get an accountability partner to help remind you of your commitments. Or find a responsible study buddy. Perhaps journal your ‘reasons – Why do you want to score good grades for your O-level exam? What will you gain if you achieve your desired grades? What will you lose if you miss it? Sometimes keeping a visual reminder of your goal can help keep your motivation going when it is running low.

Explore Healthy Coping Strategies: Find healthy ways to manage stress and escape feelings of overwhelm. Consider activities like exercise, mindfulness, hobbies, or relaxation techniques to improve your well-being.

It isn’t too late to make positive changes and improve your academic performance. Take small steps each day – aim to improve by just 1% each day. By the end of the month, you’d have improved by 30%. Stay committed to your goals, and seek support. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. You have the potential to turn things around and achieve success with a growth mindset.

Remember that challenges are opportunities for growth and learning. Don’t shy away from difficult topics or questions. Break them down into smaller parts and tackle them with a positive mindset. Ask your teachers and classmates for help when you don’t understand something.

Celebrate your progress and effort, regardless of immediate outcomes. Shift your focus from being perfect to making progress. When you make mistakes in practice tests or study sessions, take the time to understand why they happened. Use them as learning opportunities to improve your understanding and study strategies. View mistakes as part of learning and they don’t define your abilities.

If you’d like you can gamify your learning and study strategies. Give yourself 1 point for every small step that you take towards learning. Start an Excel sheet and give yourself a tick for every step that you take that brings you closer to achieving your goals. It can be small steps like getting out of bed, that is a win – give yourself a point or a green tick, by the end of the week seeing all those points and green ticks can help you to feel better about yourself. Give yourself a reward when you have collected 20, 50, 70, 100 points! :gift:

From my perspective, there is nothing wrong with you, you are amazing just the way you are. :smiley: Your challenges are a reflection of the missing skills. I honestly do believe that with the right support and a change in your strategy, you’ll be able to improve your grades in time for the O-level exam. :muscle:t4: I believe in you @ZA_Flyer and in your infinite potential :sunglasses:

I hope the above has been helpful and if you’d like more resources or if there is anything else you’d like to share with us, please do. We’re here to listen to you.

Wishing you the very best, you got this! :grinning:

Kind regards,
Cool Breeze =)

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:people_hugging: you’re having a hard time so just wanna give you support and comfort before anything else :people_hugging:
It sounds like you have such a clarity on what is going wrong and what your struggles are and what the problems are too. You also know you’re dealing with the issues in ways that are not ideal :((
Maybe a change in perspective will help? Put aside all the thoughts abt what you should be doing and how you should be, explore deep within yourself how do you want yourself to be? What kind of a person do you hope to be? What are impt to yourself?
If you have some answers to these, then direct your energy into these driving factors, maybe it will be less taxing and troubling?
Sometimes the first step in addressing a problem and making it a bit better, is to just acknowledge and embrace the current state without judgment on yourself. You’re distracting yourself with other stuff and not studying is your body’s way of telling you how you’re approaching studying isn’t right for you, but there are other ways to achieve the same goal of performing academically. Maybe it’s finding a study buddy, maybe it’s getting more support from teachers, mayb it’s actually dividing your time between study and leisure in a way that you can enjoy both times without pressure or guilt and then you can become more effective in learning.
Give yourself pats, and then work towards how you want things to be done amidst responsibilities :muscle:t3::muscle:t3:
You can do it, and you’re not on your own for this!

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