I feel like I am such a failure, not being able to make real connections with people, because I would be such a good friend to them and then in the end I would sour the friendship by being too insecure and reading too much into every little thing. I also don’t feel like I am value adding to anything, my academics are mediocre. I feel like my life is going nowhere even though I am only 17.
I used to feel depressed all the time but nowadays I just feel numb; I find it hard to find jokes funny, or my hobbies fun, I feel like I am just going through the motions every single day. The only reason for me to keep going is my family because I feel like I shouldn’t let their investment go to waste. It is such a pessimistic point of view and I don’t know how long I can keep this going because every day I contemplate doing something I can never come back from. I would appreciate advice on how to fix this.
Hi yui
I’m sad to hear you’re feeling this way. Thank you for courageously coming forward and seeking solutions to what you are experiences. That is already a great first step so well done!
When you shared your feelings, I believe it resonated with many of us so please do not ever feel alone. 
For immediate support, please contact your school Counsellor for a consult as he/she is equipped to guide you in managing negative thoughts, learning communication skills and coping better.
You can also reach out to the SOS hotline: 24-hour Hotline: 1767 24-hour CareText: 9151 1767 (via WhatsApp)
Please also consider the following :
Addressing feelings of failure and insecurity:
- Self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding.
- Reframe negative thoughts: Challenge pessimistic views.
- Focus on strengths: Celebrate your positive qualities.
- Build self-confidence: Achieve small goals, learn new skills.
Improving relationships:
- Communication: Express feelings, needs, and boundaries.
- Healthy boundaries: Respect others’ limits.
- Emotional intelligence: Recognise and manage emotions.
- Seek supportive friendships: Surround yourself with positive influences.
Rekindling passion and interest:
- Explore new hobbies: Discover new joys.
- Revisit old interests: Revive past passions.
- Creative expression: Art, music, writing.
- Mindfulness: Focus on the present.
Academic support:
- Tutoring or study groups.
- Goal-setting: Break tasks into manageable steps.
- Celebrate progress: Acknowledge small achievements.
Family support:
- Open communication: Share feelings with loved ones.
- Gratitude practice: Appreciate family’s love.
Please remember your life is precious. Yui, you are only 17, life is just beginning and you have exciting new experiences to savour ahead of you. Please know that Mistakes are opportunities for growth. Honestly I don’t know anyone who has not made a mistake. Forgive yourself, and learn from them, and keep going. You’re infinitely valuable, regardless of achievements and I believe your family loves you unconditionally although they may not display it that openly.
May I also encourage you to try these:
- Write down three things you’re grateful for each day.
- Engage in one enjoyable activity weekly.
- Reach out to a trusted friend or family member.
Please continue taking small steps and keep going. Your efforts will pay off and you will see progress and achieve fulfilment that you fully deserve!
Hi @yui 
Insecurity and overthinking are very real and common, so please don’t feel like you’re alone in this. Who knows, your friends could be feeling the same way too.
My advice would be to take some time to reflect on the concrete occasions you felt insecure. Are there particular instances where you consistently felt insecure? Particular people causing you to feel this way? Why?
I benefitted from making a list with two columns. What are some things that I felt insecure over/traits in my friends that I want to have or work on in myself? And what are some strengths and unique things about me that my friends or I like about myself? Overthinking is often the thief of joy and noting down concrete examples would help one understand their own triggers and create action plans to self-improvement.
Remember that friendship is not transactional. Most of the time, friendships happen and flourish because people enjoy each other’s company, humour, and simply getting to know them as a person. It’s not always about “what do I bring to the table?” like in jobs. That said, it’s also important to appreciate the little things in your friendships as well.
Most importantly, remember to let your brain shut down and rest time to time when worries get too overwhelming. Recharge, and only process when you are ready. Slow down. Take it easy.
feel free to chat, im looking to make frens too
Hello,
It sounds like you’re feeling some anxiousness with regards to your life situation, which is casting some self-doubt. This has lead you to feel overwhelmed with life and has lead to reduced interests in things that you used to like in the past.
I just want you to know that it is perfectly fine to feel that way. Especially at the age of 17 which is a crucial period of adolescence, it is normal to have doubts with regards to your self identity and worth in this world.
I also want to commend you on your level of maturity. It is very selfless of you to continue on life for the sake of your family. I’m sure that if they know how you feel, they would feel proud and moved by your actions.
I’m sure you have a loving family for you to be able to feel this way. Have you tried talking to them about your feelings and the conflict within you? It may help you feel better and you might find that they may be able to provide insight and better support your needs.
With regards to your perceived value in this life, it may help for you to minimize social media use if you have high socmed usage, as these have been shown to lead to upwards comparison, leading to lower self esteem. ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’, and ‘everything online is scripted’ are words that you should learn to hold dear to your heart. As a person that used to beat myself alot before for ‘lacking compared to others’, these advices helped me alot and opened my eyes to the reality of today’s digital age.
With regards to your burnout, it can be helpful to take a breather from your responsibilities. Finding new hobbies can be helpful to ignite a new flame within your soul, and it may lead to you regaining interest in your old hobbies.
For your connections with friends, it can be helpful to try to talk about these feelings with them. It may feel intimidating to put yourself in a vulnerable state, or even embarrassing. But i’m sure, if they are ‘true friends’, they would accept you unconditionally. You wouldn’t want toxic friends anyways, amirite?
I hope you are able to find time to recharge to clear your mind. Like what one of the commenters said, helping to write down daily happenings on a diary may help. It can help you objectively evaluate your friend’s behaviours and reflect on them too, which can help with your paranoia/anxiety. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, we may overthink on what others do. Taking a step back and reflecting can help us better gain social adaptability in future scenarios.
All the best!
Hey @yui , I’m really sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way right now. It sounds like you’re going through a really tough time, and it can be really difficult when it feels like you’re stuck in a cycle of doubt, or like your friendships and academics aren’t where you want them to be.
I was wondering if you might be caught in a pattern of self-sabotaging from your insecurity? Sometimes, when we overthink situations or assume the worst, we can unintentionally push people away. It can help to remind yourself that no friendship is perfect, and it’s okay to not have everything figured out. Try focusing on what is within your control—like communicating openly with your friends or giving yourself grace when things don’t go perfectly. When you notice self-critical thoughts creeping in, pause and ask yourself if they’re really true or just your insecurity talking. Learning to challenge those thoughts takes time, but it’s an important part of breaking that cycle.
You mentioned that you feel like you’re not adding value, but it might be helpful to take a moment to reflect on what you are good at. It’s easy to get caught up in what we think we’re lacking, but what are your strengths - e.g., what have others complimented you on? Shifting your focus to what you do well, instead of what you’re struggling with, can help build your overall confidence. Everyone has things they’re working on, but recognising your strengths can give you a more balanced perspective.
Please take care of yourself and try not to be too hard on yourself. You’re still young, growing and figuring things out. You don’t have to have it all sorted right now. 
Take care and continue reaching out if you need help.