feeling generally hopeless

[anonymous10115]

hello there wanted to share my experience and ask for some advice since it’s been a long time since i’ve been feeling like this.

ever since young i’ve always been left out everywhere, even in kindergarten friend groups, i would be the last person people would look to for company & i naturally never thought anything about it when i was a child
in primary school and secondary school, i’ve had adhoc friends & friend groups, somehow or another always having friendships or relationships ending up in losing contact or falling out. some of these relationships were super close so when i lost them it constantly felt like my world was ending and it got worse & worse over the years when i kept getting my hopes up for a friendship that would last (since i did feel really happy with when i was with them) only for it to fail again. went to a school counsellor but they just kept telling me how it would get better and how friends come and go, which i agreed with but just made me feel even more hopeless as i tried to improve and put my best into fuelling friendships and becoming a better person everyday only to fail again. at some point in time i began to isolate myself a lot in secondary school since a lot of my classmates were quite toxic, which made my personality go from outgoing & charismatic to quiet & reserved. over the years i’ve forgotten how to converse well with others no matter how much i try to do so, or put my effort into it.

at the moment currently in junior college fresh out of a breakup with someone who, prior to our relationship, was my best friend. it took quite a big toll on me since i loved them a lot and it hurt a lot when they didn’t love me. i also didn’t have any other close friends. i took a subject combination with a lot of science subjects that i thought initially were okay but i’m gradually burning out more from day to day. i also used to like writing a lot but recently have been in the biggest rut in terms of writing and feeling myself losing interest in writing as well. all these have culminated to me thinking about dropping out of jc, yet not wanting to disappoint anyone + not being certain if going to poly is any better than this, or whether it can earn me a stable future, so i’ve just been stuck in this forever cycle of dread and overworking myself nonstop. yet i haven’t been doing well in academics or cca, or anything else either.

because of all these events happening, i’ve started to feel really hopeless about my life but i don’t really have anyone to turn to since i don’t want to trouble my family with this. i would really like some advice on how to feel more hopeful for day to day life and how to converse and communicate better with others since recently i haven’t been able to, leading to me being left out quite a lot in daily contexts.

thank you so much

[FuYuan_Affections]

Hi @Anonymous10115,

Thank you for sharing your experiences. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a heavy burden for a long time, and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and hopeless given everything you’ve been through.

You’ve shown incredible resilience by continuing to push forward despite feeling isolated and unsupported. It’s clear that you care deeply about your relationships and your future, which shows your strength and determination.

From what you’ve shared, it seems like loneliness has been a recurring theme in your life. Let’s take a moment to acknowledge the brave choices you’ve made, like distancing yourself from toxic friendships, even though it led to temporary loneliness. That decision reflects your strength and your ability to prioritize your well-being.

It’s also crucial to understand that the duration of your friendships does not determine your self-worth. You’ve shown qualities of resilience, self-awareness, and courage that are incredibly valuable. Can you recall specific moments when you felt proud of yourself for reasons unrelated to your social relationships? Reflecting on these moments can help you see your worth beyond friendships.

The recent breakup and academic pressures are understandably taking a toll on you. It’s okay to feel burned out and to struggle with maintaining interest in activities you once enjoyed. Sometimes, reconnecting with past interests or finding new ones can reignite your motivation.

You’re at a stage in life where relationships and emotions play a significant role in your sense of happiness. Feeling alone can amplify hopelessness, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone in this journey. There are people who care about you and want to support you.

Consider talking to a trusted family member or seeking professional support. Sharing your feelings can provide relief and help you gain perspective. Finding a counselor you feel comfortable with can offer ongoing support tailored to your needs.

While you navigate these challenges, try to re-engage with activities you used to enjoy, even if it’s just for a short time each day. Taking small, manageable steps can help build confidence and reduce feelings of burnout. Focus on self-care and set realistic goals for your academics. Breaking tasks into smaller steps can help you regain a sense of control.

Remember, you’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to seek help. We’re here to support you, and we care about your well-being. Take care, and I hope things start to feel more manageable for you soon.