good evening !!
just created this account but i really want to know how do you justify if somethings is not your problem…sometimes i feel that maybe alot of others misfortune is my problem (maybe i bring bad luck ?) not sure… but sometime (JUST SOMETIMES) i would feel that it would be better for those around me if i dont even exist in the world, not to an extend that its that serious but sometimes i just cant tell if i am being to sensitive to my surroundings, maybe they just mean it as a joke… but even if i tell them its not funny (them as in my parents) they’ll aknowlege and say sorry, but maybe three days later they will start ranting about how i am disrespecting them and bring this up again and again
i am not an emotionally strong person, i dont get it why showing my dislike would mean disrespecting them, i dont know if i am too direct with my words, maybe its better nog to say it, but it will mean that i would be troubled for a longer time, and in the end when i finally disclose it to them they will fault me for not telling them earlier so that they can change.
idk…
Hi potatoto
Thank you for reaching out for help in figuring out next steps. It takes courage and it’s a great first step!
Your feeling of self-doubt and responsibility for others’ misfortunes is understandable. I believe many among us can identify the communication challenges when attempting to convey discomfort or our opinion without sounding disrespectful. I think it also strikes a chord when you shared you feel troubled by unresolved issues.
I think it may help for you to :
- Recognise others’ actions/words are their own responsibility.
2. Set boundaries: Politely decline involvement in non-essential conflicts.
3. Practice self-compassion: Acknowledge your feelings, but don’t internalize others’ issues.
Do attempt to communicate assertively
(start this gently and adjust as you evaluate what works) :
1. Use “I” statements: Express feelings without blaming others.
Example: “I feel hurt when you joke about this. Please refrain.”
2. Specify boundaries: Clearly state what you’re comfortable with.
3. Avoid assumptions: Don’t assume others’ intentions; ask clarifying questions.
For better emotional regulation explore :
1. Mindfulness: Identify triggers and take time to calm down.
2. Journaling: Process thoughts/feelings before discussing.
3. Support network: Reach out to trusted friends or a therapist.
May I share a a little bit about Parent-Child dynamics as it may be useful:
1. Understand generational differences: Communication styles may vary.
2. Set clear expectations: Discuss boundaries and respectful behaviour.
Remember you are not responsible for others’ happiness. What you are feeling is valid and understandable, and it can get better. Improvements will take time so take small steps to make progress. Communicate and reflect what works, adjust and move forward steadily. You can do this! 
Hey @potatoto 
The hard truth about having typical asian parents is that most of them are not very in tune with their emotions haha 
I’ve learnt to release the things outside of my control (such as their reactions and feelings) and focus on things within my control (like spending time with close friends and doing things that make me happy). But if it ever gets too much, please reach out to a professional or trusted adult to voice out that your parents are affecting you and your happiness.
It sounds like you’re caught in a really tough cycle, feeling responsible for others’ feelings while trying to protect your own. It’s okay to express when something bothers you—it’s not disrespectful; it’s just being honest about your boundaries. Maybe try reminding yourself that others’ emotions and reactions aren’t always within your control, and that doesn’t make you ‘bad luck’ or responsible for their happiness. You deserve to feel respected and heard, especially when it comes to your own feelings. If you have no control over it then it’s not your problem
Hello @potatoto ! 
Thank you for sharing your experience!
You seem to be trapped in a difficult loop where your care and generosity are sometimes misinterpreted, leaving you feeling guilty or held accountable. Being in that situation, particularly with family, where you are inherently close and have a great deal of affection, is quite draining. However, keep in mind that you are not putting misery upon others, and you are not accountable for their misfortunes. The difficulties that people face are a natural part of life and are not your fault.
When something is wrong, it’s normal to want to let others know, and it’s also OK to feel upset when that isn’t understood. Being honest about what’s bothering you doesn’t make you rude, and your sentiments are real. You’re not the only one who feels this way, and it could be helpful to find little outlets for your emotions, such writing or chatting to friends. Keep in mind that you have the right to safeguard your own pleasure and well-being. It’s more than enough that you’re doing your hardest.
Hello @potatoto Thanks for opening up and sharing how you’re feeling. I totally relate that and I feel it’s our toxic culture as Asians… We grew up learning how to observe facial expressions, when is the right time to speak, what to say, be careful, and it’s honestly so so so tiring that I get so frustrated too!
It makes sense that you’d feel caught in this cycle with your parents, especially when they apologize at first but then bring it up again later. It’s frustrating and hurtful when expressing your feelings is turned back on you, making you question if you’re being too sensitive or direct. It’s a hard balance between sharing what’s on your mind and keeping it to yourself to avoid friction.
I hear that you’re doing your best to communicate and be open, and it sounds like it’s not always easy to know the “right” way. You’re navigating a lot, and even though it feels like you’re the one taking on the blame, none of this makes you bad or unlucky. Your feelings and boundaries deserve to be respected.
A common observation I observe from my own family is that many of them are afraid when the other is assertive and be firm on their stand. In contrast, people like me who choose to keep it in and endure for the sake of peace in the family often get told upon. I am also trying to navigate what is the best way, but maybe we can support each other this way! Always here to talk and listen!