I feel I heavily judge people, those around me including myself. It feels disgusting seeing myself like this, very narrow minded and I hate it so much it’s disgusting. I don’t know what is wrong, I have a lot of issues.
Dear @sleepy95
Thank you so much for sharing this so honestly — it takes real courage to face those difficult parts of ourselves, and even more strength to want to change them.
The fact that you recognise this pattern and feel discomfort about it already shows that you’re self-aware and deeply reflective. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad or broken person — it means you’re human, and trying. All of us have moments where we struggle with judgments, especially when we’re hurting inside or feeling overwhelmed by our own thoughts.
Sometimes, judging others or ourselves becomes a way to protect ourselves — from disappointment, from feeling vulnerable, or from not meeting our own expectations. But it’s also a signal that there may be some pain or unresolved feelings underneath that need kindness, not shame.
You’re not alone in this, and you’re not beyond growth. With gentle self-compassion and support — whether that’s talking to someone you trust or even a counsellor — you can gradually learn to shift those thought patterns. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but every moment of awareness is already a step forward.
You are not disgusting. You are someone in the process of healing and understanding yourself more deeply. And that’s something worth honouring. Please be kind to yourself in the same way you would want others to be. You deserve that grace too. We are here to listen so do reach out again whenever needed. 
I was like that until i went thru therapy. Now i dont care about what others think who dont matter to me. Fix one thing at a time. Seems like u have been going thru stuff for quite long already
but how..? I’ve fell into a state where nothing helps anymore, it’s so bad. I’m 30… I cannot rely on anymore but myself. Can’t rely on my parents, can’t rely on my friends (I have difficulty dealing with people) I’m just on my own. Tried attending counselling occasionally but I feel it doesn’t help. Nothing ever helps, I just wanna run away.. better off being alone, don’t wanna pass this negative energy to others and make them feel turn off. I’ve a disorganized attachment style and I feel I’m going crazy it’s killing me everyday. everything is useless, I’m useless
Never too late to recover, i got help n recover very late in life too.
I guess be constant with therapy sessions first?
For frens wise, i dont think its a good idea to rely on frens often as it will drive them away. Support groups r a good idea too.
Im open to be frens n chat tho.
Hey @sleepy95,
I hear how much you’re hurting right now, and I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. That sense of being stuck, of nothing helping, of feeling like you’re too much for others and still not enough for yourself — it’s unbelievably heavy. And I just want to say: it makes complete sense that you’re exhausted. That this feels unbearable. You’ve been trying so hard, and when nothing seems to work, it’s easy to start feeling like you’re the problem. But you’re not.
You’re not useless. You’re not crazy. You’re someone in deep pain, trying to make sense of yourself in a world that probably hasn’t always felt safe or supportive. You mentioned having a disorganized attachment style — and I just want to gently say: that’s not a fixed trait. And it’s definitely not all your fault. These patterns often come from how others treated us when we were vulnerable — and they can shift over time with awareness, support, and healing.
Try not to get too caught up in the label. Sometimes, when we focus too much on it, we can end up acting in ways that match the label — not because it’s who we really are, but because it starts to feel like that’s all we can be. Please don’t lose sight of this: you can be loved, and you can learn to love safely too. It just takes time, patience, and the right conditions — none of this means you’re broken.
You said you can’t rely on anyone, and I understand that it can feel that way. But some people just aren’t what we need — and that doesn’t mean no one ever will be. It’s okay to keep trying, to keep leaning on people — even if it feels scary. Remind yourself that you deserve support, just like anyone else. And if you feel guilty for needing help, maybe you can try to give back in whatever small ways you can. That’s the heart of relationships — give and take, sharing the weight. When we let others carry even a part of our burden, and we carry theirs in our own way, somehow it feels lighter.
I’ve known that guilt too — the kind that comes from feeling like you’ve needed too much for too long. But strangely, I found support from people I didn’t expect to be there. What helped me was just doing my best to express what I needed — even if my thoughts felt messy or unsure. I’d try to be clear — “Can you help me with this?” or “I’d really appreciate your perspective.” And when I could, I looked for ways to give back — not because I had to, but because it reminded me that I could still contribute, still connect.
As for counselling — I hear you. It’s so hard when it feels like it’s not helping. But maybe it’s not about giving up on support, but finding a form of it that works better for you. You could ask your counsellor if they have suggestions for other resources, approaches, or people to talk to. And in the meantime, even continuing to write here can be part of your healing — this space might help you feel a little less alone while you figure things out.
You’ve been carrying so much for so long, and that’s an incredibly hard thing to hold by yourself. Please hold onto the hope — even a tiny thread of it — that things can shift. You’re already trying more than most people even see.
We’re all still learning how to love and be loved. You’re not late. You’re not behind. You’re just human — and that’s enough.
And even if you don’t believe any of this right now, that’s okay. I’ll believe it for you until you can.
Sending warmth, wherever you are. Reach out if you need anything alright :>
hi @sleepy95 ,
Thank you for sharing this about yourself so openly, it takes courage. It sounds incredibly tough to be dealing with such intense emotions and feeling so isolated. I want to let you know that you are not useless and you are not broken. Also, the fact that you are seeking help from the community is a sign of strength and positivity!
Disorganized attachment can make relationships challenging. Running away might seem like a solution, but it often does not address the underlying issues. Consider small steps towards self-care. In terms of professional help, even if it feels like nothing helps, sometimes persistence and trying different methods (or even getting a different therapist) can make a difference.
You are worth the effort, so do not ever think otherwise about yourself! 
Hello @sleepy95 ! It must have taken you a lot of courage to share this with us. Something that you’re going through isn’t uncommon. Despite being judgmental, it doesn’t signify that you’re a horrible person. I understand a part of us will hate ourselves for judging others. However, the fact that you recognises this, it means that you have the intention to change and take the next step. It may be overwhelming right now but you will overcome it.
As you’ve taken the first step to recognise it, the next step is to understand or explore where does these stems from or might come from. Alternatively, you might want to visit a therapist or counsellor to talk or work things out together. As I see you’ve attended counselling before and it felt like it doesn’t help, perhaps you might want to try another counsellor or therapist till you find the one that suits you best.
For now, explore where or why this self-judgement might come from.