I created a huge mess, I want to clean up the mess I have started but I’m feeling helpless

Today, the first day of the year, started off horribly with an conflict between me and my partner. We have been dating for almost 8 months. During our argument, she let out a truth that only made me realise now that I created a really huge mess in our relationship where for the whole time I have not been attentive to her needs and not being aware of what she going through at home, and all the times whenever I faced an issue or problem outside of our relationship, I always rant out everything to her to feel better but I did not ask about how she was doing or talk to her about things that might be bothering her. It is clearly my fault for not being aware of her situation and giving the impression that I do not care. It’s like I placed my priorities wrongly on the wrong things, neglecting her and her needs. I really want to clear up the mess that I have started but I’m feeling so helpless and unable to differentiate what is right or wrong. And I really sincerely apologise that I have been an insensitive ■■■■■■■ to her and she does not deserve any of it. Hoping to have nice souls out there in this world to help and guide me along to resolve this conflict with my partner and become a better version of ourselves. Please :pray:t2:


Hi @anxioushuman

Thank you for taking the time to share with us your struggles, I acknowledge your frustrations and worries. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through such a challenging time in your relationship. It’s commendable that you recognize the need for change and are willing to take responsibility for your actions.

Here are some steps you might consider to help resolve the conflict and work towards building a healthier relationship:

  • Open Communication: Perhaps you could reach out to your partner with an open and sincere conversation and express your realization of the mistakes you’ve made and genuinely apologize for any hurt you may have caused. Let her know that you’re committed to making positive changes and that you value her feelings and needs :slight_smile:

  • Listen Actively: During your conversation, make an effort to actively listen to her perspective and allow her the space to express her feelings and concerns without interruption. This can help build a sense of understanding and help rebuild trust.

  • Ask for Feedback: Seek her input on how you can improve and be more attentive in the future. Ask about her needs, expectations, and how you can better support her emotionally. This shows that you’re committed to making genuine changes.

  • Seek Couples Counseling: If the situation warrants it, you could consider seeking the help of a professional couples counselor. A neutral third party can provide guidance and facilitate productive communication, and help both of you to strengthen the relationship.

Last but not least, remember, change takes time, and it’s important to be patient and understanding as both of you work through this process. If you’re both willing to put in the effort, there’s hope for positive growth and improvement in your relationship :slight_smile:

Let us know what steps you’ve taken and how you both are coping - we’ll be here to journey with you.