I’m in a difficult situation with my girlfriend, and I want to make things right. Recently, she expressed a lot of hurt and frustration about things I’ve said and done in the past that have made her feel insecure and undervalued. I realize now that my actions and words have deeply affected her, and I want to change that.
Here are some of the key issues she brought up:
Comments About Her Weight: In the past, I made comments about her weight that were insensitive and hurtful. I always joked around with my friends this way since i was young but I realize now that these comments have contributed to her feeling insecure, and I deeply regret them.
Social Media Behavior: She feels that I dont acknowledge her enough on social media, especially compared to how I highlight other aspects of my life. This has made her feel unappreciated and hidden.
Banter vs Insults: I often thought we were just bantering, but she feels that my words were more like insults. I understand now that I need to be more mindful of how my words affect her.
Trust Issues: There have been instances where I’ve been secretive or not fully transparent, which has led to trust issues. I want to rebuild that trust and be more open and honest with her.
Promises to Change: I’ve promised to change in the past but have failed to follow through. I want to show her that I’m committed to making real changes this time.
I’m looking for advice on how to address these issues effectively and help my girlfriend feel more secure and valued in our relationship. How can I show her that I’m serious about changing and rebuilding her trust? Any insights or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your help.
Hi @ckling99
Thank you for taking this first step towards making amends and improving your relationship! It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge past mistakes and work towards change.
To address the issues your girlfriend has raised, consider the following steps:
Acknowledge and Apologize
- Sincere apology: Have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend, acknowledging the hurt and pain you’ve caused. Make sure your apology is heartfelt, specific, and takes ownership of your actions.
- Validate her feelings: Let her know that you understand why she feels insecure, undervalued, and hurt. Validate her emotions, and show empathy.
Make Amends and Change
- Change your behavior: Make a conscious effort to change your behavior, especially regarding comments about her weight, social media behavior, and banter vs. insults. Practise being mindful about your behaviour.
- Be more mindful and considerate: Think before you speak or act, considering how your words and actions might affect your girlfriend.
- Follow through on promises: This time, make sure to follow through on your promises to change. This will help rebuild trust and show your girlfriend that you’re committed to growth. Don’t over promise as a choice.
Rebuild Trust
- Transparency and honesty: Be more open and honest with your girlfriend, sharing your thoughts, feelings, and actions with her. If you don’t wish to share, let her know why and establish boundaries where appropriate. If you need time alone, to pursue your own hobbies, or reflect/recharge let her know your needs.
2.Communicate effectively: Establish healthy communication habits, actively listening to each other and addressing concerns in a constructive manner.
- Consistency and reliability: Demonstrate consistency and reliability in your words and actions, helping your girlfriend feel more secure and valued.
Show Appreciation and Value
- Acknowledge and appreciate her: Make an effort to acknowledge and appreciate your girlfriend, both in person and on social media.
- Show interest and support: Take a genuine interest in her life, interests, and goals, offering support and encouragement when needed.
- Celebrate milestones and special moments: Celebrate your girlfriend’s achievements, milestones, and special moments, showing her that you value and cherish her.
Seek Professional Help
- Couples therapy: Consider seeking the help of a couples counsellor to work through issues and develop healthier communication habits.
- Individual therapy: If you’re struggling to address personal issues or make changes on your own, consider seeking individual therapy.
Remember, rebuilding trust and improving your relationship takes time, effort, and commitment. Be patient, empathetic, and understanding, and work collaboratively with your girlfriend to create a stronger, healthier relationship.
Keep in mind that every situation is unique, and what works for one couple may not work for another. Be open to trying new approaches and seeking help when needed. 