How do i put it…
I like a girl so much that i am willing to give my all to her. But it seem that she doesnt value me as much and will tell me off like 安全感是自己给自己的
I just need some assurance but always being told off as an act of insecurity.
So is it really my faults?
Hi @MrN0body,
Thank you for sharing what’s on your mind—it sounds like you’re feeling confused and hurt by the way things are playing out with this girl. I hear that you’ve been giving so much of yourself to this relationship, and it must be hard when it feels like that effort isn’t being valued or reciprocated in the way you need. I want to take a moment to hold space for those feelings because it’s natural to want reassurance, especially when you’re emotionally invested.
Wanting assurance in a relationship isn’t something to be ashamed of. Relationships are about mutual emotional support, and it’s okay to seek validation from someone you care about. But here’s the thing: while it’s important for both people to be supportive, it’s also important to find a sense of security from within. The phrase “安全感是自己给自己的” (security comes from within) can be frustrating to hear when what you really need is support, but there’s also some truth to it.
How do you feel about the idea of finding balance between self-assurance and receiving emotional support from others? It’s okay to want reassurance, but it’s also powerful to build that sense of worth from within, so that even when others don’t respond the way you hope, you can still feel strong in yourself.
You asked whether it’s your fault for wanting reassurance, and I want to tell you that it’s not your fault. Everyone has different emotional needs, and just because you want assurance doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It sounds like the girl you like is expressing her needs in a different way, and that doesn’t mean either of you is wrong—it just means you’re looking for emotional support in different places.
If she’s dismissing your need for security, that could be more about her boundaries than a reflection of your worth. It might be worth asking yourself, What are my emotional needs in a relationship? It’s okay to want reassurance, but it’s important to also have relationships where you feel valued for who you are, not just what you give.
It sounds like the girl’s response makes you feel dismissed or undervalued, and that can be really painful when you’re putting so much into the relationship. Sometimes, it’s helpful to step back and ask yourself, What do I need from this relationship, and is that being met? Relationships work best when both people’s emotional needs are understood and respected.
It might help to have a conversation with her about how you’re feeling, not in a way that blames her, but to share your need for mutual emotional support. You can express that you value her perspective, but that you also have emotional needs—and that’s okay.
One of the hardest things is learning to build self-worth from within. It’s natural to want assurance from others, but it’s also important to develop a sense of security that doesn’t depend on someone else’s validation. You are enough as you are, and you deserve to feel that whether or not you receive external validation.
I know it can be tough to shift your focus inward when you’re so focused on someone else’s reactions. But what would it be like to start acknowledging the value you bring, without waiting for someone else to validate it? What would it mean for you to start trusting your own worth, even if you don’t always receive the reassurance you’re hoping for?
You’re not wrong for wanting reassurance, but it’s also important to find that sense of worth from within. This situation may be highlighting the need for balance—between getting the emotional support you deserve and learning to trust yourself. You have the ability to build that security, and it starts with believing that you’re worthy of love and respect no matter what.
How do you feel about having a conversation with her about your emotional needs, or exploring ways to build that inner sense of security? I’d love to hear your thoughts and support you in whatever comes next.
Hey there! Just sharing my take on this but please take it with a pinch of salt because I don’t know the entire context. I think that you are feeling this constant need of assurance is because you are willing to give your all to her but she might not be doing the same to you and you feel that you want to be validated for your love since you are willing to go the extra mile to give your all to her. Whatever you are feeling is extremely valid and it’s great that you communicate your need to her so it is really not your fault. Of course easier said than done, communicate actively so that you both understand each other. You can discuss