I feel insecure around my friends

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I know that I’m not ugly or anything like that BUT sometimes I feel really insecure around my friends because they are all really attractive and have really good personalities. I just feel like I am lacking in some ways. All my friends have been telling me to be more confident with myself but I just can’t do it. I used to be super reliant on male validation which is why I’ve decided to finally dress for myself aka for the female gaze. However, as I dress for myself, I start to be more insecure at the same time because I feel like I no longer fit in a male’s type?

I think it’s contradictory because I wanna express myself but at the same time I can’t handle the way society looks at me. Sometimes I even worry that no guy would actually like a girl like me because I’m not gentle enough or naive enough unlike my other friends

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Can u elaborate on the part where u say that u dress up for girl validation but it doesnt appeal to male audience? What style r u talking about?
I have good looking frens n i have go accept that im average n just live life like that. Best u n i can do is get fit n increase our intelligence n value in society. Genetics is just lottery n i didnt win it but i cant complain cuz i dont have any handicap or illnesses or too short. I just suck it up n move on even tho i see that life is only enjoyable for the attractive people while the rest of us have to concentrate on building out brain

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Hi @user1394
Thank you for sharing this. It’s completely normal to feel this way. You’re not alone in these thoughts, and it takes real self-awareness to even recognize them. You’re doing something brave by dressing for yourself and stepping away from male validation, even though it’s uncomfortable right now. Change like this isn’t linear, it makes sense that old insecurities might flare up as you redefine what confidence means to you.

Comparing yourself to your friends is so hard, especially when society pushes narrow ideas of what’s likeable or attractive. But the truth is, there’s no single “type” that everyone desires. It’s okay if confidence doesn’t come easily yet. Maybe instead of forcing it, focus on small moments where you feel free. Personally, I believe that it is better to be happy being yourself than to be unhappy trying to force yourself to be someone you’re not. Focus on yourself and with time, you’ll be more comfortable with yourself.

With love,
miloluvr :heart:

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Hey @user1394,

It’s natural to compare yourself to others, especially when surrounded by friends you admire. However, remember that everyone has insecurities, even those who appear confident or “perfect.” What you see in others is often a curated version of themselves, not their full reality. Instead of measuring yourself against them, focus on your unique strengths—whether it’s your humour, creativity, resilience, or empathy. Confidence grows when you nurture self-awareness of what you bring to the table.

Shifting from seeking male validation to prioritising your own comfort and style is a huge act of self-respect. It’s normal to feel uneasy during this transition—you’re unlearning old habits and confronting societal norms. The “female gaze” (or dressing for yourself) often emphasises authenticity over performativity, which can feel vulnerable at first. Remind yourself:

  • Your worth isn’t tied to how others perceive you.
  • True confidence comes from aligning with your values, not external approval.

If insecurity creeps in, ask: “Does this outfit/style make ME feel powerful, joyful, or authentic?” If the answer is yes, you’re on the right track.

Fear of Not Being “Enough” for Romantic Interest

Society often promotes narrow stereotypes (e.g., women should be “gentle” or “naive”), but these are outdated and unrealistic. People are drawn to diverse traits—confidence, assertiveness, humour, and authenticity are deeply attractive. Consider:

  • Would you want a partner who only values you for fitting a stereotype?
  • The right person will appreciate you for who you are, not who you think you “should” be.

Your friends’ personalities may differ from yours, but that doesn’t make yours lesser. Embrace your uniqueness—it’s what makes connections meaningful.

Building Confidence Without External Validation

Confidence is a practice, not a destination. Start small:

  • Challenge negative self-talk: When you think, “I’m not enough,” counter it with evidence of your strengths (e.g., “I’m loyal,” “I’m a great listener”).
  • Celebrate small wins: Did you wear an outfit you love, even if it felt bold? That’s courage!
  • Seek communities that uplift you: Surround yourself with people (online or offline) who celebrate self-expression and authenticity.

If accessible, therapy or journaling can help unpack deeper patterns tied to validation.

  1. Reframe the “Male Gaze” Narrative

The idea that men only like one “type” of woman is a myth. Just as women have diverse preferences, so do men. By being yourself, you’re actually filtering out people who aren’t a good match and attracting those who genuinely appreciate you. Trust that the right connections will value your authenticity.

Final Thoughts

You’re already doing brave work by questioning old patterns and prioritising self-expression. It’s okay to feel conflicted—this is part of the growth process. Over time, the more you align with your true self, the less power societal judgements will hold. Remember: You are not lacking. You’re simply evolving, and that’s something to celebrate. :yellow_heart:

If you ever doubt yourself, revisit this mantra: “I am not here to shrink myself to fit into someone else’s story. I am here to write my own.”

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I usually dress in jeans, pants, baggy clothes. Rarely, floral dresses nowadays. So im always told guys doesnt like that in girls but this is what i feel the most comfortable in. I mean i don’t know if a guy would feel this way as compared to a girl? Because as girls, we are constantly being told what to do since young, we are to feel that we live in a man’s world. So yeah, my topic is mainly about this.

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Oic. Cuz i thought girls put on girly outfits to impress other girls