I do not want to pick a side..they are my friends

hi just ranting because i’ve been frustrated. im going to preface this by saying i have a boyfriend, and im not interested in anyone else.

i’m friends with this guy and a girl, and they are a couple. i’ve known the both of them for two years, but only got closer to them after working on a project together. I was closer to the girl first, and even got closer to the guy. and at this point i feel like i’m closer to him more than her.

i really like them both as friends and i enjoy being their friend but i feel like eventually i would have to pick a side which is something that i do not want to do.

im close to the girl in a way where we are comfortable with ranting to each other, and sending each other resources for out school work, we’ve gone out together, and with our other friend as well. that’s about it.

im close to the guy in a way where he would constantly buy me snacks everytime he sees me, pay for my meals, and some other things, and i have never asked for any of it. im sure he’s a really good friend as he is actually concerned about my physical health and emotional well-being. he would want me to vet his works, we call almost everyday, and would play pc games together. i dont have many friends, and i genuinely enjoy his company.

it’s also sad to know that some or my classmates thought that we were having an affair :skull::clown_face:

is it worth to mention that he doesnt do all those when his gf is present? his gf doesnt know anything about and i feel bad because she is my friend. and it feels weird that he’s hiding things from her.

she was even complaining to him (and obviously he told me) that i asked him about school work, and didnt ask her. i mean to me, i feel closer to him, so i asked him. that’s all. at some point she has made it obvious that something was going on.

the guy complained that i don’t text him first (???) but proceeded to say that he can’t reply me if he’s next to her (???). which tells me one thing (my assumption)

  • they probably had a discussion about him texting me, if not why would he say that? there must be a reason right ??

i do not know what boundaries they have set in their relationship. however i am aware as he said that he would not cut off his girl besties even if the gf wanted him to. just saying this because he refers to me as his bestie.

i do not want to be the one to tell her things he has done for me. its just going to eventually ruin our friendship, and it definitely has the potential to ruin their relationship. and worse if she finds out about all of this….

either she’s gonna ask me a pick a side
shes gonna just cut off contact with me, and probably ask him to do so as well, not sure if he would as he said he would never cut off his besties, and he has told her that as well…what they want to do is still ultimately their choice.

i dont know what to do :melting_face:


Does he feel the same way about you as platonic friends? Or is he treating you as a “backup” in case his current relationship fails? I’ve met guys who try to get close to many girls at the same time while having a relationship and 99% of the time they’re just looking for a backup. Technically they aren’t cheating but I wouldn’t trust anyone who is hiding things from his current girlfriend.

If you’d like to keep both of them as friends, then maybe one way is to jio both of them out together. I feel like the girl is already guarded if she has questioned the guy before about you. By being open and transparent, you have a chance of salvaging the relationships between all of you.

And I guess another point to think about is, will you ever consider a relationship with the guy if he becomes single? If he makes you comfortable and truly cares for you then maybe it’s worth holding on to this friendship for now.

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Hi, thank you for your opinion. I’m not sure how he truly feels, but he constantly refers to me as bestie/sister/jie, which I thought was fine since I’m clearly in the bestie/sister zone.

I’ve never gone out with him, however, he has accompanied me to buy things, which I’m not sure if it counts as going out together since we didn’t ask each other to hang out; he just wanted to accompany me, and then he paid for my things (I rejected, but he insisted on

This is something I find a little weird, as I heard from his girlfriend that he’d pull her away if she wanted to look at things to buy, as he didn’t want her to spend money, meaning he doesn’t buy things for her as well. But he’s here paying for my things :sob:.

I’m not sure about going out with both of them, as his girlfriend doesn’t truly know how close we are, and whenever she’s present, it feels a little awkward, and we act as if we’re not close at all. I believe it’s partly because he’s hiding things from her, and on my part, I just don’t want to initiate anything with him in case she’d be mad. However i’m fine with just hanging out with her alone or together with other friends.

And I have actually thought about it; considering how well he treats me when he has a girlfriend, it means that if we were ever to get into a relationship, he would treat another girl the same way he’s treating me now. So my answer is no; I’d never get into a relationship with him.

I mean, his behavior is a little questionable, as it’s something I’ve never come across and something I’d never do towards another person while in a relationship. Knowing that he’s in a relationship, he still sends heart emojis and those loving stickers on Telegram. He would often complain that I don’t initiate a convo with him (I usually don’t initiate with anyone as I’m an introvert, however, I’m improving as I started texting my other friends). Yes, I know the girlfriend is guarded; hence, I don’t initiate anything with him. When I tell him to spend time with his girlfriend, he’d say that I’m ditching/abandoning him (which I find weird to say to another girl if he’s in a relationship, even if it’s a joke), but yeah, I always took it as a joke. Unless that’s just how he treats his besties… hmm, I don’t know. He loves to tease me as well.

But at the same time, he does make me feel comfortable, and he does truly care about me. Like I said before, I don’t have many friends. But out of all the friends I have, he’s showing me a type of care and concern that the rest of my friends don’t show, and I do find this friendship valuable.

I’ve told my friends about this, and they have pointed out that the way he’s treating me now is the way he treated his girlfriend before they got together.

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Definitely sus to me. Maybe he’s a good friend and a not so good boyfriend.

I get that you want to continue being platonic friends but that can only happen if he plays his part too. If he continues his advances and hides things from his girlfriend, chances are things will become worse between the 3 of you.

Maybe you can try to speak with him and draw some boundaries. Tell him you cherish your friendship with him and you don’t want it to break apart because of all these “extra” things he is doing. Hopefully that’ll help?

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