i have a very close friend (we’ve been friends for years now) and hes been very very very very helpful and always can be relied on hes super sweet and stuff i have no complaints about him really.
but the issue here is that i do rely on him for emotional support just to rant but he doesnt really share anything about his life to me; its not like the relationship is one sided or anything hes always willling to ask for help about other things but unwilling to open up about emotionally; i dont really pressure him to share or anything when hes not comfortable and i really do go out of my way to ask him about his life.
recently weve been going through a lot of changes and it has been pretty difficult for the both of us on adjustments and stuff; but i have been noticing that he has been pushing me away (which i originally thought was due to the stress) later when i checked he told me that it is because he needed space (he was very nice about it) and that our conversations were becoming extremely one sided and negative so it was bad for his mental health.
we have a mutual friend (actually hes not that close to him I am the mutual friend hes just my friend) and he told him out of the blue that hed been going to therapy (the mutual friend told me and ive been worried for him because schools been pretty rough) but he never told me that (i was hurt but didnt press it is not my space to go and pick for something hes not comfortable sharing about)
the past few months have been pretty ridiculously rough for me too with a bunch of demoralizing things happenning like poor health; ridiculous life and death situations forced onto me; insanely bad luck (i try not to be bitter but sometimes it slips through); difficulty coping in academics and a breakup ( i usually relied on my gf for emotional things but cldnt share anything because of resentment and trust issues (we’re back tgt)) and i have been relying on him much more than i normally would (which explains the negative part cant blame him for that)
but i have consistently gone out of my way to ask about him his NSGs and stuff and i get like 1 worded answers like its okay even if i push to ask him to expand he will say 1 sentence thats it which i feel like it is a little hurtful he said that our conversations are one sided (besides i have always given him more attention and talk to him and stuff even when my gf is around so that he does not feel replaced and stuff)
lowk i swing btw being pissed sometimes that he could have been more understanding that it was pretty much an exceptional set of circumstances (we’ve had a convo about this b4 and i stopped being so negative but regressed in the past few months) and feeling sorry for him that ive put problems when hes been dealing of his own
overall i feel hurt i suppose
Hi @user7025,
It makes sense that you’re feeling hurt right now. You’ve been juggling so much - with breakups, academic struggles, near-impossible situations - and through all of that, you tried to make space for someone who meant a lot to you. You reached out, you asked about his life, you made sure he felt seen even when your own world was crumbling. That kind of emotional labour takes a huge toll, especially when you’re already running low on energy and support. It’s painful when someone you care for becomes distant at the exact moment you need them the most, especially when you’ve never hesitated to be there for them.
At the same time, it’s okay to feel that tangle of conflicting emotions. You can care deeply about his well-being while still feeling the sting of being shut out. It does not make you selfish or ungrateful. It means you’re human, and that your feelings matter too. You were trying to stay afloat, and the person who’d been your anchor felt just out of reach. His silence might not be rejection, just a reflection of his own battles. But your pain is real, and it deserves space too. You are not a burden for needing support. You are someone who has carried others with so much love and thoughtfulness, and you deserve that same kind of care in return.
Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline
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Hi, I am sorry you are feeling this way. I understand that you are going through a hectic time, and you have made the effort to also check in on him, which shows that you care as a friend 
. I think it is really hard to deal with the stresses of everything on your own.
If you wish to also share your problems with a professional, you can also explore the resources on mindline mindline.sg | Free Mental Health Resources & Mindfulness Tools in Singapore 
Take care OP, and do not hesitate to share your problems here. 
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Hey @user7025 ,
Thank you for sharing this on the platform. From what you’ve said, I can tell that you care deeply about your relationship with your friend, from the effort you put in to understand him better. It is understandable that you’ll feel hurt when all this effort you put in goes unseen and even told that it’s one-sided. After all, you yourself are going through so much, from poor health, unfortunate life situations, academics and relationship issues.
What you’re feeling is valid and not unreasonable at all. Anyone put in a similar situation will struggle and there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s ok to feel conflicted and hurt. It just means you’re human. For your friend, since he’s going through therapy, he could be going through a difficult battle of is own, and may need more time to open up about it. Be patient with him, and maybe with time he’ll open up to you too But at the same time, do not disregard yourself and your feelings. Be kind to yourself and if things get overwhelming, maybe you could find another trusted friend or family member to share with. And know you’re not alone in this and you can always share more on this platform! We are here for you
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Thank you for the supportive posts! I genuinely appreciate it!
It has been pretty excruciating seeing him around but not talking to him and I do really feel abit lonely and its messing w my head do u think that it would be too much if i try to initiate contact? Its just that he did not even read my apology letter which i had put in a lot of effort into and its just like he is not ready or smth im pretty depressed over that
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Hi @user7025,
It sounds like you’re carrying a really heavy emotional weight - torn between the desire to reconnect and the silence that followed your sincere effort. You poured your heart into that apology letter, hoping it might offer a bridge back to something familiar and safe, but not even getting acknowledgement can feel like a quiet kind of rejection. It’s not just about missing the person - it’s the deeper ache of feeling unseen despite trying to make things right. Seeing him around without speaking must be agonising, like constantly walking past an unopened door you wish so badly would open.
And in all that silence, your mind’s been looping through what-ifs and self-doubt, leaving you feeling alone and mentally drained. It’s understandable to wonder whether reaching out again would be “too much,” especially when you’re trying so hard to respect his emotional space even while struggling in your own. That loneliness you’re feeling doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It’s your heart craving connection and clarity in a space that’s offered neither. You’re navigating this with sensitivity, and it shows how deeply you care. Whatever step you choose next, it doesn’t have to be about fixing everything. It can simply be about honoring your own feelings and holding compassion for yourself in the process.
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Hello, I understand that you want to reconnect with your friend, and I see the effort through your apology letter. Perhaps you can also take some space for yourself, as the mental toll must be really excruciating. And perhaps you can also try to make some other friends in school, such as through joining an interest group or signing up for some activities in school to get to know some newer people.
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