often times i wonder if everyone is just pretending that they find life worth living, and just purposefully pushing the thought aside because death would be too inconvenient or painful or not a realistic option
there are many things that make me happy, many people i cherish and lots of things in the world i haven’t experienced yet, so there are plenty of reasons to live, and yet none of them make me feel like life is worth living. i spend every day wishing i slept and never woke up again, or vanished into a corner and became nothing. i have no hopes or dreams or future, i have no motivation to live and im just going through the motions because now im too medicated to kill myself
i feel like i wasn’t made for this world. i feel too lazy to live. im pathetic and i know it and i don’t know why im like this and i feel no desire to change. can a human really be too lazy to live?
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hi!
As someone who has been “mildly” depressed for a long time (think several years), what you’re writing is all too familiar.
You don’t want to kill yourself, because you don’t want to be a burden to the people you love. Dying is not an option, because it would cause the people around you too much of an inconvenience.
You don’t understand what makes life worth living? Me too, actually. People go years without finding out what makes life worth living. There are people who lie on their deathbed, wondering if their life has had ever any meaning.
So, even if you have no hopes, or dreams,or future, there are still things you care about, right?
And wouldn’t it be awful if you’d never get to experience the things that you enjoy ever again? You’d never have new conversations with the people you love, or taste a really yummy thing.
Instead of not understanding what makes life worth living, try to change it to a different question: “Who am I?” Maybe, if you find out more about yourself (as difficult as that is! And you don’t have to be quick about it!), who knows? You might find an answer.
yeah. I would just rent a bike. Go to the city. Some cafe, hawker whatever. Just sit. Eat some homely food like chicken rice. Just watch. Then lowk I find myself smiling a little more. It’s so pretty seeing people happy, living their life, interacting with each other in this little world we have.
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