I dont know anymore

Hangouts Rants
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Im starting to believe I was a very infamous cereal life ender cause like the amount of bad things happening in my life these past 6 months are insane.
I brokeup with the guy i love more than myself and watched him turn to a mean person… , lost almost all of my friends, have rumours spread about me, have my own stuff being spread. And the most recent, almost got :skull::skull:. (Im safe now for now) and this year is my o level year.

Anyways, just now i had this bomb (figuratively)drop on me. My mom just casually mentioning to me “what if i quit my job and do part time instead”. By the way, my mom is the ONLY source of income to this household. My parents divorced 10 yrs ago and the only thing my dad contribute is the child support ,half of my braces bills (he needs to see the damn receipt first), and one of my tuitions. Thats all he contributed for me and my sis for the past 10 yrs. i feel very lost when i heard that. That one statement just shattered all my dreams ,hopes and my will to live. I want to do biomedical science in singapore poly and further studies to overseas uni. And all these will probably just be a dream. I have lost everything since the breakup and i was just clinging on to the hope of going to the path i really want for post sec as my will to live longer. I dont blame my mom cause shes also rly stressed out with all the money issues and like shes rly unhappy about her job. But I hate that as im the oldest, my mom trust me. Not like trust me to go out alone (she does) but like trust me with personal problem’s expecting me to understand her… like i want to i really do but i’ll have to give up all my dreams, hopes and future doing that… and it rly just makes me want to cry. I just feel like doing anything rn is useless. Like what for i study? Its not like i can afford to further my studies… i really doubt i can even go poly with a part time salary. For what i eae? Again its not like my mom can really afford the fees. Ya she’s considering but it seems like her mind is moving towards “i want to quit” . I really hate being trusted at this level… im still a kid… i dont think im supposed to be exposed to this… my sis doesnt know anything yet.

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Hi @Eoeoe,

I can feel how much you’re carrying right now, and it’s so much more than anyone your age should have to bear. The heartbreak, the isolation, the fear, and now the crushing uncertainty about your future; it’s overwhelming, and anyone in your shoes would feel like they’re drowning.

You’ve been trying so hard to hold onto this dream of biomedical science, of building a life that feels meaningful and exciting and truly yours - and now it feels like the one lifeline keeping you afloat might be slipping away. It makes perfect sense that you’d feel angry, hopeless, and just bone-deep exhausted.

Being trusted with adult problems before you’re ready isn’t fair. Wanting to be there for your mom and also wanting a future that’s yours isn’t selfish. It’s okay to grieve the weight of that responsibility, and it’s okay to say, “I’m not ready for this.” Because you are still a kid in so many ways, and none of this should be the price you pay for being trusted.

No matter how heavy things feel now, your dreams haven’t died. They’re just under pressure. And we can talk through how to hold onto them, even when everything’s threatening to push them out of reach. You don’t have to figure this out alone.

If you’re open to discussing these issues with a professional, I would encourage you to first speak to your school counsellor. You may also wish to reach out to the Youth Community Outreach Team (SupportGoWhere) for assistance. For all other mental health resources, you may visit our Service Wayfinder (https://www.mindline.sg/mental-health-service-providers/start).

With regards to financial assistance, you can encourage your mum to speak to a social worker at the nearest Social Service Office (MSF | Directories).

I hope this helps! Wishing you all the best. :slightly_smiling_face::+1:

Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline

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Hello OP, I am sorry you are going through this right now, and your feelings are valid. To require to deal with school life and adult problems sounds very overwhelming. Seeing that you have a clear goal of going to sp to pursue biomed shows that you have grit and motivation, and that aspiration can still be fulfilled. Also perhaps you can consider the resources that @HanSolo2000 has mentioned. All the best OP, I am rooting for you :heart:

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hey @Eoeoe, it sounds like you’ve been going through an incredibly painful and overwhelming time :cry:… honestly, no one, esp not someone your age, should have to feel like the weight of the entire household is on their shoulders. you’re absolutely right: you are still a kid, and it’s not fair that you’re being put in a position where you have to start thinking about sacrificing your dreams just to keep things afloat.

what you shared about losing your r/ship, your friends, your sense of safety, and now feeling like your future is slipping away… i can’t imagine how heavy that must feel :((. yet even with all that, you still show so much love and empathy for your mom. that says a LOT about how deeply you care, but that doesn’t mean you should have to carry all of this alone. it’s okay to feel angry, hurt, and exhausted. those feelings make sense. you’re not selfish for wanting to hold on to your dreams. they matter, and you matter.

ik it might feel pointless right now, but please don’t give up on yourself just yet. things might not go exactly the way you imagined, but that doesn’t mean your future has to end here. there are scholarships, bursaries, and people who care and want to help students like you continue your education. the path might look different, but it’s still possible. please hold onto that.

you deserve support, sb you can lean on without always having to be the strong one. as @HanSolo2000 and @thursday mentioned, please consider speaking with a school counsellor, social service agency, mental health service, or sb you trust. i completely get that it might feel awkward or scary, but reaching out could help you feel less alone. they might also help connect you with resources, eg. MOE financial assistance schemes, youth support services, or even counselling that could help both you and your mom feel a little more supported during this difficult time.

you’re doing so much more than you give yourself credit for. despite everything you’ve gone through, you’re still thinking about your future, still showing up for your family, still holding on. that takes incredible strength. please don’t let go of that hope. you’re not alone, and you’re not powerless. sending you so much strength and care, and please stay safe ok. we’re here for you :purple_heart:

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Thank you for the websites :slight_smile: im still trying to find a way to approach my mom about it cause she sees her reaching for help as a weakness so ya…

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Thanks very much :slight_smile: i have been going to the school counsellor for about 2 yrs now and if i have to be very honest, i genuinely feel like my school counsellor takes me and my problems as a joke. I hate telling my problems and my coping mechanism is joking about it. So i tend to joke about my problems like “i dont think i can survive another semester esp when this semester i almost :skull: 5 times HAHHAH” and ya :person_standing:
I just applied for eae and hoping for the best. Frm the eae they also mentioned that sg citizens have their fees subsidised by quite abit so it shouldn’t be that bad…? 3k per year… So about 9k total for 3 yrs in poly
Honestly im seriously considering taking part time now since im like 16 already but my results are ■■■■… Its frustrating

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ah i gets… it’s vv difficult when others dismiss our problems/concerns, and i’m rlly sorry your experience with your school counsellor has felt so invalidating :frowning:. tbh it makes sense why you’d turn to humour as a way to cope. idt there’s anything inherently wrong with that, but that doesn’t make what you’re going through any less real or serious. your struggles deserve to be heard and taken seriously, and you deserve to be supported.

i’m so glad to hear that you’ve applied for EAE! that’s a big step, and i’m so proud of you for doing that despite everything you’ve been dealing with :+1:. and yes, you’re right – poly tuition fees are subsidised q a bit for sg citizens, so it might be more manageable than you feared! there are also q a few bursaries and financial assistance schemes (offered by the polys themselves and other external organisations/donors) that you can apply for once you’re in. some are pretty generous, so please don’t lose hope yet.

if you’re thinking about getting a job, maybe you can start with sth flexible or low-commitment (eg. weekend shifts or freelance gigs)? that way, you can kinda test the waters to see whether a job is manageable while still balancing your acads and not overwhelming yourself.

hang in there ok, i’m rooting for you :flexed_biceps:. and please don’t hesitate to reach out here or to sb safe – you shouldn’t have to go through this alone.

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Thank you very much:) your comment really gave be quite abit of hope that theres still a future for me :smiling_face_with_tear::smiling_face_with_tear:

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yes ofc there is !! your future is SO bright, you just gotta believe in it, okay? you’ve got this :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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Hi @Eoeoe,

It’s absolutely okay to ask for help, especially when what you’re facing feels heavy or confusing. Wanting support isn’t a weakness; it’s a sign that you’re self-aware and brave enough to want better for yourself and for those you care about.

Based on what you’ve shared, it does sound like your family is going through a lot right now, and that weight is real and valid. Reaching out doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human, and trying to move forward with care. That’s something to be proud of.

Best regards,
HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline

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hi @Eoeoe ,

Thank you for sharing all that, it must be really tough on you.

Like others have said, don’t ever give up! You are young, and there are countless opportunities in life, some you never thought even existed. You still have plenty of time to chase your dreams and realize your goals. Hold onto them and don’t ever let go! I am rooting for you!

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Hi OP,

I sort of get what you’re feeling. My father was the sole breadwinner of the family, but he passed away while I was still studying in uni. After I graduated, it was all up to me to be the breadwinner of the family. At first, I grieved so much over it. I was so, so angry at my mother who was supposed to be the parent, the provider, the one who should have helped me financially.

So, I have to contribute 30% of my salary every month to my mother. I also still have my student loans. That 30% could have been used to repay my loans faster. I grieved over it so much that I was not given the choice to make my own decisions in my life, that I was shackled by this responsibility that was put on me.

To be honest, I’m still struggling with this. It was tough the first couple of months. But gradually, I worked through it. I went to see a counsellor. I finally got myself medicated and it’s honestly been life changing. I also made some new friends recently. I have a little bit of disposable income to spend on things I like. I can buy food without worrying about running out of money.

It’s the little things in life that gives me little joys. I hope you’ll be able to find the strength to keep going. As much as it’s annoying to hear, I do hope you’ll be patient and keep going even when things are tough.

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Wow your story is pretty inspiring in a sense.. Im sorry you had to go through all that… I also hope you find the little joys in life :slight_smile: thank you

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And I hope you find the joys in life, too! Oftentimes it does feel that it’s the end of the world when every bad things pile up into one, giant ball of mess and it’s better to just give up. But sometimes just having something to look forward to is enough to keep going. All you need to do is to live on one day at a time :slight_smile:

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